Where to start?
Before I knew him, OH had a car whose engine dropped out while he was driving it.
We had a car that had a hole in the roof, but there was also one in the floor, so they cancelled each other out.
Another blew up on the motorway - that's how it sounded, anyway, with a huge bang and loss of all engine power.
One was stolen by joyriders (can't think why they took an old banger when there were plenty of better cars around). The funny part was the reaction of a French guest we had at the time, when a policeman turned up at our nartowboat to say that it had been found in a field, and we offered him a glass of wine (Saturday evening). She was horrified by our offer, and totally speechless when he accepted (then drove OH to collect it)! .
I once locked the keys in that same car, and a lady in the supermarket car park with a similar model was bemused when I asked to borrow her keys and was able to unlock my car with them.
I think that was the same car that I once ran over someone's foot with too.
The next car leaked oil like mad. Partly because of that and partly because of the number plate, we soon nicknamed it the Exxon Valdez. It didn't last long - one end of the exhaust dropped to the road late one night when OH was driving the babysitter home, and it was beyond repair after that.
Another broke down on the motorway, then the recovery vehicle also broke down.
Oh, and going back to an earlier car, I can tell you that tights do not make a good replacement for a broken fan belt. Mine only got us about 50 yards before they were shredded!
All but one of our cars have been very old when bought, so I could go on ... .
I hate cars.