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No friends

(261 Posts)
bettyboo22 Sun 11-Jun-17 21:51:32

Hi anybody else get to there 50s and feel lonely without any close friends either because the ones you have had have died or because it just does not happen I can join clubs or start jobs but still female friends don't happen I'm quite a nice person I think because I've lost mum and dad years ago I had no brothers or sisters and no children
What I'm looking for is a sister a friend a mate someone to chat and laugh with anybody else feel the same

hildajenniJ Sun 11-Jun-17 22:06:15

Hi Betty. I have no real friends either. I do have two sisters but they live some distance from me. I have just joined a knit and natter group in my local library in an attempt to make friends. I've lived here for fourteen years and know nobody. It's my own fault, as until I retired, I worked nightshift so wasn't around much during the day. I think that I'm easy to get to know, I'm friendly too. Let's hope that getting out and meeting other people works.

Chewbacca Sun 11-Jun-17 22:14:21

Hi, I've recently joined my local U3A group in an attempt to meet new friends. I'm kicking myself that I didn't do it years ago! There are so many topics of interest that your bound to find something you like. I joined in pretty much everything at first, just to see whether I liked them. Some I did; some not so much. Some groups meet weekly; some monthly, some bi monthly. You pay a small annual fee to join and that entitles you to go to any of the groups for the year. Try it, it's opened up loads of new interests for me and I've met so many new people.

gillybob Sun 11-Jun-17 22:28:16

I know how you feel bettyboo22 and hildajenniJ as I don't have any real friends ether (other than the lovely virtual friends on GN). I do have a sister with whom I am quite close but she has a large circle of friends, from school, various jobs, etc. of which I am not a part. I haven't had any proper friends my entire adult life which is my own fault for having a baby at 18 and not being able to mix and socialize with people of my own age. Then due to high demand from family, work etc. I have just never found the opportunity to mix with people. I did go out occasionally with a couple of "girls" I knew but they were bosom buddies and from an entirely different financial and social bracket to me and looking back I think I was just taken along as their entertainment so they could brag about their wonderful lives, their wealth and exotic holidays etc. and having me along I was no competition and they were assured of a quiet listener. I am a member of my local WI which I thoroughly enjoy (and recommend if you have one locally) but can't say I have made any real friends that I see outside the group. It's probably me. I must give off an unfriendly sort of vibe, but really I think it's just a lack of confidence and the feeling of not being as good as the next person.

Im not sure what the answer is. Sorry I can't help but I do wish you luck in finding new friends.

Tegan2 Sun 11-Jun-17 22:39:15

hildajenni; I can vouch for the fact that you're easy to get to know, and friendly smile...good luck with knit and natter!

M0nica Sun 11-Jun-17 22:48:59

I think some of us are just good at turning acquaintances into friends and others aren't.

I moved around a lot as a child (DF was in the army) and became very good at going to a new school, new neighbourhood and being superficially sociable, but it never went further because we were always moving on to the next posting so I never acquired the skill of turning an acquaintance into a friend

I do have friends, including some dating back to school and university, but I think they were the ones who befriended me and I responded.

I think people fall into one of two groups, those good at building up social circle, like my DS & DDiL, who seem to know half the population of the town they live in and have a stream of close friends who they visit and who visit them. DD is quite the opposite. She has chosen to live alone, now works from home. Has a small group of close friends she is constantly in touch with, mainly online, and sees no need to be more social.

Greyduster Mon 12-Jun-17 08:08:43

I'm another who seems to have run out of friends since I retired. It's a sad fact of life that as we get older, people we know die, or move, and circles crumble for one reason or another. DH and I are rather joined at the hip these days, and I keep saying I will join something just to have an outside interest, but I'm dragging my feet at getting round to it.

cornergran Mon 12-Jun-17 08:40:17

I'm an only, so no siblings, fairly self sufficient. There are a handful of very good friends scattered across the country who are valued probably more than they know. We keep in contact electronically the majority of the time, meet up when we can which is getting less as health impacts. It isn't the same as having a friend round the corner. In my last area there were a few local friends made through work. Without the common ground of work and geography our lives are understandably drifting along different paths. Since moving here four years ago there are acquaintances met through voluntary work, neighbours who are friendly and helpful and I hope I am equally helpful, open and friendly to all. I do feel very lonely sometimes. GN helps. Overall though I think I'm one of those people who just aren't very good at turning acquaintances into friends. I may need lessons smile.

Liz46 Mon 12-Jun-17 08:46:14

I have had several years of volunteering one afternoon in a charity shop (check out the all important manager). This is a good way of making friends and being sociable with both other volunteers and customers.

Liz46 Mon 12-Jun-17 08:48:25

I've just remembered that a lady put an advert in the local newspaper for other ladies wanting a better social life to get in touch. I was just going through a divorce so responded. Another friend came with me and she made friends with the group and is still in touch with one of them 25 years later!

sunseeker Mon 12-Jun-17 09:04:07

I'm another who seems to have problem making friends. I have several people I meet on a regular basis but wouldn't call them friends - not the sort I confide in or would turn to if I needed help. In my case I think it is a lack of confidence and being shy.

hildajenniJ Mon 12-Jun-17 09:15:06

Thank you Tegan. You are too. We'll have to have another meet up sometime in the not to distant future.

LondonMzFitz Mon 12-Jun-17 09:30:20

Theatre groups, walking groups, afternoon tea groups. I've joined a few and widened my circle - acquaintances at first, friends as a work in progress. I've climbed over the O2, had numerous dinners, pub quizzes, 2 trips to Europe cities.

vampirequeen Mon 12-Jun-17 09:33:52

I have no real life friends. I can chat and get on with people but I have no idea how that transforms into a friendship.

There have been times when I thought I had a friend but they turned out to be false.

I learned when I was young not to trust anyone and subsequent experiences have reinforced that.

willia Mon 12-Jun-17 09:34:20

Tegan 2 - totally off topic, but I wonder what is the origin of your [to me] unusual name?

U3A is great - not necessarily to meet close friends but to socialise and learn! I mainly go for the reading group.

cheerfullizzy Mon 12-Jun-17 09:37:20

I often feel the same bettyboo, and am also an only daughter...where abouts are you?..anywhere near London...Romford way...? I'd happily meet up with you!

Howcome Mon 12-Jun-17 09:37:49

My besties emigrated many years ago one to USA and one to Oz so we are just FB friends now. Most of our going out circle are DH's friends and their wives, if/when he dies they will disappear. I have some ex colleagues from a few previous jobs I meet for drinks or dinner a couple of times a year, but they are not really friends just ex colleagues from over 20 years ago in some cases, whom I have less and less in common with. I think it's a female problem - my Mum was the same only 1 or 2 friends from a whole lifetime for her funeral. We probably need to do a get together and hook up.

Charleygirl Mon 12-Jun-17 09:38:34

LondonMzFitz what part of London do you live in- the reason I ask is that 3-4 of us meet up monthly for coffee and have been doing it for over 3 years now. It is a very pleasant get together and we get along very well.

Lolly69 Mon 12-Jun-17 09:39:19

Hi - I'm in the same boat my best friend passed away 5 years ago. I was widowed 23 years ago then May a mistake and married a guy who doesn't know what conversation means, am the carer for my 91 year old mother who is developing dementia, recently relocated to Cheshire. Whilst I chair one of the largest branches of a national charity and belong to several organisations there is still no-one to talk to. Absolutely lonely beyond belief. Anyone live local who would like a coffee?

westieyaya Mon 12-Jun-17 09:40:12

I know how you feel, I would love to meet someone in similar circumstances with the same warped sense of humour and outlook on life. I did join U3a and am a leader of a couple of groups but all my friends are married. I don't have a problem making friends, I enjoy stimulating conversation, but I've yet to meet one person to share things with.

edsnana Mon 12-Jun-17 09:43:29

I've joined the Red Hat Society, lots of different activities to get involved with and varies a lot depending on the chapter you join. We have weekends away, turkey and tinsel, book club, coffee mornings to name a few. Well worth a look and I've met some lovely women

GrandmaMia1 Mon 12-Jun-17 09:47:52

I too have no friends, after reading all the comments, maybe it would be an idea if those in the same area met up. Whilst I know that 'living in the same area' is rather a long shot.

MissAdventure Mon 12-Jun-17 09:51:46

I'm friendless too
I have always been very self reliant, and have been quite happy to have what could loosely be termed just a couple of "friends" but I yearn for a really close mate
I did join some meet up groups, and went out with some ladies for lunch a few times. I nap looking after my mum at the time, which was becoming more and more difficult, and found I had been removed from the groups I'd joined.

SunnySusie Mon 12-Jun-17 09:52:02

Hello bettyboo, volunteering works for me. I havent got much talent for small talk, but working alongside others there is always a topic of conversation. The Do-it web site will have local opportunities. I do find though that lots of people seem to be really busy rushing from one thing to another, doing things with grandkids etc so the friendships tend to just be when we are at 'work' rather than develop into anything more. Having said that a cup of tea and a chat a couple of times a week is lovely, as is the sense of shared purpose.

Charleygirl Mon 12-Jun-17 09:52:31

It would be a lot easier if folk mentioned where they lived if they want to meet up with somebody for coffee. I live in Harrow.