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Displaying emotions

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Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 10:10:32

Difficult to word this . No politics please

Have we become too touchy feely? Too American - I feel you pain .

Remembering the Diana hysteria, Charles was uncaring father and husband, queenie very lucky Balmoral wasn't stormed and she was given a public hanging .

'Your people need you' 'show us you care'

Charles Spencer the adulterer and like his father a bully to his wife. He was applauded for a sentimental speech, not forgetting he first blamed the press then switched to the windsors.

I didn't need queenie, who did?

The same is happening now.

Why the need for public display of emotions?

This is not to lay blame for Diana's death or what is happening now, just wondering if anyone thinks as I do, I don't need celebrities or politicians or royals to do a public display of - I feel you pain .

Hope we are spared another rewording of Candle In The Wind

Why do we need this? I really am puzzled

Teetime Sun 18-Jun-17 10:29:16

Its difficult to strike the balance isn't it? It's traditional I suppose to sport the stiff upper lip and that will get criticised by some and applauded by others. I think recent tragedies have been so awful its hard not to show real sympathy- certainly hard even to see the images on the TV without shedding a tear let alone meeting people face to face. I do get your point about emotional incontinence though.

merlotgran Sun 18-Jun-17 10:30:41

I agree with a lot of your post, annie but I'm sure the Queen's visit to Manchester and the survivors of Grenfell Tower was appreciated.

I think she gets it right.

sunseeker Sun 18-Jun-17 10:36:53

I have said on the London fire thread that I am uncomfortable with the "celebs" turning up, complete with a photographer, and using this tragedy as a photo opportunity. I think the Queen's visit was appreciated by the victims and volunteers as she symbolised the sympathy and support of the whole country.

ninathenana Sun 18-Jun-17 10:38:46

I tend to agree Annie I would be interested to hear what any of the survivours really thought about royal/celeb/politicians visits not just what was said on camera or to the press.
Did it help ?

NanaandGrampy Sun 18-Jun-17 10:39:49

Call me cynical but I would be interested to know if so called 'celebs' follow up their photo opportunity with concrete help?

Two I saw articles about were Richard Branson and Adele- both fairly well off :-)... just wondered.

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 10:42:15

I didn't say queenie shouldn't have visited , this is what the windsors do, always have , floods, fires, terrorIsts attacks , the royals visit victims it's part of the job description, but demanding queenie comforts the public who were not involved ?

Did anyone here need queenie in London? Should we demand - show us you care?

pensionpat Sun 18-Jun-17 10:44:59

This is something that is different for each of us. I have never been touchy-freely although I care deeply. For me feelings are private. But over the years I have felt pressured to kiss and hug. It was a very difficult and gradual transition for me, and gave ended up kissing and hugging practically everyone I meet. i think everyone has been influenced by popular culture, whether American or not. My teacher DIL says that her female pupils hug when they are going if to different lessons, even.

Of course others I show affection to my family, especially DGS, although I know that my elder son doesn't like touchy freely either. But I am confident in his feelings for me. So no problem.

This has also been an issue with texts. Like many others I find myself ending texts with X or even xxx. If I don't, I may upset someone. Perhaps I am just a miserable cow!

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 10:48:48

If people choose to give money it's up to them, it's this need for showing emotions publicly that I don't understand , if anyone starts hugging do we know it's because they feel they should or it's a good photo shoot or they want to hug? We will never know

durhamjen Sun 18-Jun-17 10:57:11

Perhaps those celebrities turning up means that the victims get more help from it?
I'm all for that.
Maybe I read the wrong papers, but I haven't noticed, apart from the queen and Prince William. Prince William has worked on rescue helicopters, so he was the right one to go with his gran.

pensionpat Sun 18-Jun-17 11:00:46

Oops. Went a bit off-thread there!

whitewave Sun 18-Jun-17 11:01:55

Don't forget our demographic.

We were brought up with the opinion that it wasn't done to wear your heart on your sleeve.

I must admit I have difficulty showing an overt display. But I will do what I can by a quiet word or letter or donation to support those in need or grief or suffering.

My children to be honest are the same, but I do think that the next generation feel the need to display emotion in public

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 11:02:15

But do WE who are not victims need to demand they turn out ? What being a helicopter pilot has to do with it I have no idea, the victims had not been in an plane or helicopter

Grannyknot Sun 18-Jun-17 11:02:26

I will admit that it did cross my mind... why did/do celebrities turn up after the fact? If they were concerned/outraged about people living in poverty in dangerous high rise buildings - did they do anything about it? Why wait for a crisis or a tragedy?

Jane10 Sun 18-Jun-17 11:05:00

I quite agree annie. This very public show especially by celebs is uncomfortable to me. The great British public seem to have developed a taste for wallowing in public grief. People seem to have to be seen expressing emotions or they are castigated as being unfeeling (Poor old Theresa May?).
We get furious watching the news when microphones are thrust at people and asked how they are feeling. Often, it seems to me, that they are random opportunists just wanting to get on the telly. I'm sure I'm being unkind though and will be told so!
I can't be doing with all this kissing and hugging nonsense but that may be because I worked with people with autism for so long. (note: people with ASD certainly feel emotional it's just that unexpected physical proximity may be stressful)

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 11:05:22

Whitewave, still no answer, do we have a right to demand or expect a public display of emotion. Again as queenie was vilified for not shooting back to London because her country needed her ,the country did not need her

merlotgran Sun 18-Jun-17 11:06:50

Out of all the royals, William is the one most recently to have seen some harrowing scenes. I think he was the right one to go with the Queen and I have no doubt that their visit was appreciated.

Give them a break, Annie.

Alima Sun 18-Jun-17 11:10:08

I think in some way the Royals have had to jump on the band wagon, especially since Diana's death. They faced huge criticism over not returning to London soon enough, having flags half mast etc. It certainly did not mean they did not care, there were two young Princes who needed them. I recently read that the Queen was criticised for not visiting Aberfan soon enough after the disaster, is that true Annie? I really think we as a nation have been influenced by America in wearing our heart on our sleeve. I have never been a touchy feels sort of person but it certainly does not mean I don't care. I feel sorry for the way TM has been treated lately as just because she doesn't go round weeping and wailing doesn't mean she does not care. Hard to say if the celebs do the hugging genuinely or are after the photo shoot really.

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 11:11:08

Jane , I am not alone , hugs and xxx. We don't even know if this huggy, kissy display is genuine and there is always a camera . If queenie starts giving hugs I will be off down the garden to eat worms, less nauseating

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 11:21:44

Alima, queenie was critcised much later by the press not by the village, Phillip came, Armstrong Jones came , queenie sent a message of condolence and said she would visit when the village was cleared , she didn't want to add to the Kayos - sorry can't spell that . She has visited several times over the years as promised.

It has been reported it was the only time she had been seen in public with tears in her eyes, she did, I have a photograph, it was when she looked across from the Cardiff road to the graves . But she did not grab villages and start hugging,nor have tears talking to families, dignity

Greta Sun 18-Jun-17 11:33:19

I am at a loss to understand why we worship celebrities. They have achieved a god-like status. I know some of them support good causes and donate to these. But I find the
whole celebrity culture has contributed to a lot of dumbing down. I also don’t like the “My thoughts are with the people...” that every interviewee now has to start his/her comments with. Their thoughts should always be with the neglected and vulnerable. Not just after a tragedy. ‘Tragedy’ is not quite the correct word. The fire was not an Act of God. It was an Act of Man.

Anniebach Sun 18-Jun-17 11:42:01

No politician dare not express his/her sorrow before replying to the first question, the public would lynch them and this is why I ask , do we have the right to demand anyone should ?

Chewbacca Sun 18-Jun-17 12:02:20

Tend to agree with you Anniebach. It grinds my gears when I see z lister slebs suddenly turning up at photo ops; usually with a tear in an eye and words of wisdom. Then they disappear into the background, having "raised their profile ", but with nary a backward glance to the human suffering or tragedy that they sought their photo opportunity in the first place. Whilst I'm not comfortable with demanding that anyone should attend any disaster/tragedy/public event; I have no doubt that when HM attends, it seems to be much welcomed and appreciated by the public. As you say, no hugging or faux tears of solidarity from her, just warmth, compassion and sympathy.

WilmaKnickersfit Sun 18-Jun-17 12:17:34

I'm sorry, but I don't agree.

We need more compassion in our world, not less and a stiff upper lip should be a personal choice, not the desired response. And despite what we might think of celebs, they're just human beings like us with emotions.

There are many ways to show our emotions and no one way is better than another.

WilmaKnickersfit Sun 18-Jun-17 12:25:03

PS None of us know for certain why celebs turn up or speak out. Not do we know what action (if any) they might take out of the public eye. In most cases I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt.

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