Gransnet forums

Coffee? (Not what you think)

(103 Posts)
Chinesecrested Tue 15-May-18 09:27:37

I was browsing Mumsnet where a mum was explaining that her mil gave the toddler a taste of her coffee, and the OP objected strongly. It ended up in a big row, with the toddlers dad criticised for not defending the OP. I can't for the life of me, see why the mil can't give the child a sip of coffee! My Dil wouldn't have a problem with this. What do grans think?

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 09:30:47

I can’t see a problem with a little sip of coffee either ( having said that I don’t drink coffee) maybe just making a mountain out of a mole hill . Or trying to cause an argument where there wasn’t one .

Gerispringer Tue 15-May-18 09:31:44

Well if the child’s mother objects then the MiL shouldn’t do it should she? I can think of lots of reasons why a mum wouldn’t want her small child to be drinking coffee. Her child, her decision.

wildswan16 Tue 15-May-18 09:32:38

I think it is wrong for anyone to give a small child anything to eat or drink that the parent does not wish. Maybe a small sip of coffee is harmless - but caffeine for little ones is not to be recommended. Some might say a sip of beer or wine is just a bit of fun, not harmless at all, others would be horrified.

MIL should remember, and dad should have supported his wife at the time and then had a discussion at a later opportunity as to the rights and wrongs of it.

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 09:38:44

Yes definitely mountain out if mole hill !

I note it was the evil MiL that gave the toddler a SIP of coffee . The saintly mother would never do such a thing .

Thank god my DiL is as easy going as she is and not like some if these young women who think their husbands mum is an evil witch ( or if she does she keeps it well hidden wink)

trisher Tue 15-May-18 09:48:03

Shock and horror that a gran could do this. Coffee is full of caffeine, caffeine is a drug. Would it be OK then for gran to puff smoke from a cigarette or spliff in a child's face?
Child's mum was protecting her toddler.

Agus Tue 15-May-18 09:52:02

Because of the caffeine content, I never offered my GDs a sip of my coffee.

Why would a toddler need to taste coffee when the GM must have known this isn’t a food/drink experience you introduce to children and it wasn’t the GM’s decision to make.

Chinesecrested Tue 15-May-18 09:59:33

Well there are 2 issues here. One, whether a sip of coffee is harmful - imo it's not! (Obviously blowing a puff of smoke is different and the OP would be justified in kicking off). Secondly, the principle that the mum shod have the final say? Yes of course! I used to visit my dgc with a bag of picknmix until my Dil asked me not to! Fair enough, no probs. I stopped! But she wouldn't shout at me - she might give me a 'look'. grin

tanith Tue 15-May-18 10:02:14

Mums perfectly entitled to be annoyed and Gran should listen to her end of.

lemongrove Tue 15-May-18 10:02:48

A sip of coffee will not be harmful FGS
Our generation grew up in a fug of cigarette smoke btw.
Shock and horror indeed,what nonsense.

Squiffy Tue 15-May-18 10:05:12

My Dil wouldn't have a problem with this

. . . . . But the DIL on Mumsnet clearly does have a problem with it! As others have already said, it's for the parents to decide what is acceptable, not the grandparents.

Perhaps there's more to the story - MIL may have overstepped the mark on other issues and this was one too many???

Panache Tue 15-May-18 10:07:56

Surely this reaction is way "over the top?"
A sip of coffee.... or just about anything come to think of it.....will cause harm.

A mountain made out of a molehill I do honestly believe.

Perhaps this was,in reality,more about some other petty grieviance and nothing at all to do with the coffee!

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 10:23:37

Exactly my thoughts Panache this is probably not about the sip of coffee at all is it?

It was a SIP of coffee for God’s sake. ( I hate coffee mind you) .
And it’s no way anything like blowing smoke or drugs in a toddlers face, how ridiculous. confused

Dontaskme Tue 15-May-18 10:39:59

FGS the op doesn't even say a "sip" they say a "taste". The whole world has gone mad - why would anyone even post about this? What is wrong with toddlers being inquisitive and being given tastes? Obviously you wouldn't give them a slug of whisky or a drag on a joint, but a "taste" of coffee???
I think its yet another one of those DiL who doesn't like MiL and MiL will never win.
Cotton wool.

trisher Tue 15-May-18 11:51:25

Just because coffee is widely drunk doesn't mean it isn't actually delivering a drug to your system. I remember a drugs education evening at my sons' school whan they asked who used drugs? very few put their hands up.I did because I know the answer- I do, and my drug of choice is caffeine. I drink 2 large cups of coffee a day. Many young mums now are acutely aware of the dangers of caffeine and don't want their kids exposed to it.

tanith Tue 15-May-18 12:43:51

The whole point regardless of whether you think it’s rediculous or not is that it’s the Mothers decision no one else’s what her child is allowed.

Fennel Tue 15-May-18 12:50:18

tanith - I agree with you.
"it’s the Mothers decision no one else’s what her child is allowed."
Then it's only her to blame if things go wrong in the future

glammanana Tue 15-May-18 13:00:15

There are DILS & DILs aren't there ?,some you know how they will take such things others will go OTT but it is down to the mum in the end really.

sodapop Tue 15-May-18 13:06:32

I agree with Dontaskme toddlers are inquisitive and just wanted to see what Grandma had. I don't think its worth making a fuss about. If its a symptom of more serious issues then those are what need addressing.

Witzend Tue 15-May-18 13:15:48

On Mumsnet most MiLs are The Enemy anyway, if not actually the She-Devil from hell.
I'm often thankful that I only have daughters!

I've given Gdd a sip of coffee now and then when she's asked - usual reaction is to make a yuck face!

BlueBelle Tue 15-May-18 13:16:44

It’s certainly not worth making a fuss over or even asking am I right or wrong however having said that I never gave small toddlers tea or coffee so my feeling is why give her a taste unless you were prepared to give her more what if she’d licked her lips and said more Nanny what’s the point it’s not a child’s drink she could have burnt her tongue and why open yourself up for critisim and why even ask others after the event

Jane10 Tue 15-May-18 13:25:01

I completely agree with tanith. If it's not OK with mum then it's not OK. I'm surprised the situation even arose.

Eglantine21 Tue 15-May-18 13:30:10

Sharing a cup! Yuk!

Chinesecrested Tue 15-May-18 14:05:42

Well it seems like the Dil is of the view that "it's my way or the highway". This is a concerned, loving gdm who does her share of childcare and getting DC around in the car. Simply because her ways might be a bit more relaxed and old fashioned - they worked in the past, didn't they? I remember putting my DS out in his pram in the garden. I bet mum's would be horrified! shock

janeainsworth Tue 15-May-18 17:24:32

Well it is DiL’s way or the highway, isn’t it?

I regard it as a privilege to be allowed to look after my DGC’s. I’d fully expect that privilege to be forfeited if I deliberately went against DiL’s or DD’s wishes.