Gransnet forums

Coffee? (Not what you think)

(103 Posts)
Chinesecrested Tue 15-May-18 09:27:37

I was browsing Mumsnet where a mum was explaining that her mil gave the toddler a taste of her coffee, and the OP objected strongly. It ended up in a big row, with the toddlers dad criticised for not defending the OP. I can't for the life of me, see why the mil can't give the child a sip of coffee! My Dil wouldn't have a problem with this. What do grans think?

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 09:30:47

I can’t see a problem with a little sip of coffee either ( having said that I don’t drink coffee) maybe just making a mountain out of a mole hill . Or trying to cause an argument where there wasn’t one .

Gerispringer Tue 15-May-18 09:31:44

Well if the child’s mother objects then the MiL shouldn’t do it should she? I can think of lots of reasons why a mum wouldn’t want her small child to be drinking coffee. Her child, her decision.

wildswan16 Tue 15-May-18 09:32:38

I think it is wrong for anyone to give a small child anything to eat or drink that the parent does not wish. Maybe a small sip of coffee is harmless - but caffeine for little ones is not to be recommended. Some might say a sip of beer or wine is just a bit of fun, not harmless at all, others would be horrified.

MIL should remember, and dad should have supported his wife at the time and then had a discussion at a later opportunity as to the rights and wrongs of it.

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 09:38:44

Yes definitely mountain out if mole hill !

I note it was the evil MiL that gave the toddler a SIP of coffee . The saintly mother would never do such a thing .

Thank god my DiL is as easy going as she is and not like some if these young women who think their husbands mum is an evil witch ( or if she does she keeps it well hidden wink)

trisher Tue 15-May-18 09:48:03

Shock and horror that a gran could do this. Coffee is full of caffeine, caffeine is a drug. Would it be OK then for gran to puff smoke from a cigarette or spliff in a child's face?
Child's mum was protecting her toddler.

Agus Tue 15-May-18 09:52:02

Because of the caffeine content, I never offered my GDs a sip of my coffee.

Why would a toddler need to taste coffee when the GM must have known this isn’t a food/drink experience you introduce to children and it wasn’t the GM’s decision to make.

Chinesecrested Tue 15-May-18 09:59:33

Well there are 2 issues here. One, whether a sip of coffee is harmful - imo it's not! (Obviously blowing a puff of smoke is different and the OP would be justified in kicking off). Secondly, the principle that the mum shod have the final say? Yes of course! I used to visit my dgc with a bag of picknmix until my Dil asked me not to! Fair enough, no probs. I stopped! But she wouldn't shout at me - she might give me a 'look'. grin

tanith Tue 15-May-18 10:02:14

Mums perfectly entitled to be annoyed and Gran should listen to her end of.

lemongrove Tue 15-May-18 10:02:48

A sip of coffee will not be harmful FGS
Our generation grew up in a fug of cigarette smoke btw.
Shock and horror indeed,what nonsense.

Squiffy Tue 15-May-18 10:05:12

My Dil wouldn't have a problem with this

. . . . . But the DIL on Mumsnet clearly does have a problem with it! As others have already said, it's for the parents to decide what is acceptable, not the grandparents.

Perhaps there's more to the story - MIL may have overstepped the mark on other issues and this was one too many???

Panache Tue 15-May-18 10:07:56

Surely this reaction is way "over the top?"
A sip of coffee.... or just about anything come to think of it.....will cause harm.

A mountain made out of a molehill I do honestly believe.

Perhaps this was,in reality,more about some other petty grieviance and nothing at all to do with the coffee!

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 10:23:37

Exactly my thoughts Panache this is probably not about the sip of coffee at all is it?

It was a SIP of coffee for God’s sake. ( I hate coffee mind you) .
And it’s no way anything like blowing smoke or drugs in a toddlers face, how ridiculous. confused

Dontaskme Tue 15-May-18 10:39:59

FGS the op doesn't even say a "sip" they say a "taste". The whole world has gone mad - why would anyone even post about this? What is wrong with toddlers being inquisitive and being given tastes? Obviously you wouldn't give them a slug of whisky or a drag on a joint, but a "taste" of coffee???
I think its yet another one of those DiL who doesn't like MiL and MiL will never win.
Cotton wool.

trisher Tue 15-May-18 11:51:25

Just because coffee is widely drunk doesn't mean it isn't actually delivering a drug to your system. I remember a drugs education evening at my sons' school whan they asked who used drugs? very few put their hands up.I did because I know the answer- I do, and my drug of choice is caffeine. I drink 2 large cups of coffee a day. Many young mums now are acutely aware of the dangers of caffeine and don't want their kids exposed to it.

tanith Tue 15-May-18 12:43:51

The whole point regardless of whether you think it’s rediculous or not is that it’s the Mothers decision no one else’s what her child is allowed.

Fennel Tue 15-May-18 12:50:18

tanith - I agree with you.
"it’s the Mothers decision no one else’s what her child is allowed."
Then it's only her to blame if things go wrong in the future
[wink}.

glammanana Tue 15-May-18 13:00:15

There are DILS & DILs aren't there ?,some you know how they will take such things others will go OTT but it is down to the mum in the end really.

sodapop Tue 15-May-18 13:06:32

I agree with Dontaskme toddlers are inquisitive and just wanted to see what Grandma had. I don't think its worth making a fuss about. If its a symptom of more serious issues then those are what need addressing.

Witzend Tue 15-May-18 13:15:48

On Mumsnet most MiLs are The Enemy anyway, if not actually the She-Devil from hell.
I'm often thankful that I only have daughters!

I've given Gdd a sip of coffee now and then when she's asked - usual reaction is to make a yuck face!

BlueBelle Tue 15-May-18 13:16:44

It’s certainly not worth making a fuss over or even asking am I right or wrong however having said that I never gave small toddlers tea or coffee so my feeling is why give her a taste unless you were prepared to give her more what if she’d licked her lips and said more Nanny what’s the point it’s not a child’s drink she could have burnt her tongue and why open yourself up for critisim and why even ask others after the event

Jane10 Tue 15-May-18 13:25:01

I completely agree with tanith. If it's not OK with mum then it's not OK. I'm surprised the situation even arose.

Eglantine21 Tue 15-May-18 13:30:10

Sharing a cup! Yuk!

Chinesecrested Tue 15-May-18 14:05:42

Well it seems like the Dil is of the view that "it's my way or the highway". This is a concerned, loving gdm who does her share of childcare and getting DC around in the car. Simply because her ways might be a bit more relaxed and old fashioned - they worked in the past, didn't they? I remember putting my DS out in his pram in the garden. I bet mum's would be horrified! shock

janeainsworth Tue 15-May-18 17:24:32

Well it is DiL’s way or the highway, isn’t it?

I regard it as a privilege to be allowed to look after my DGC’s. I’d fully expect that privilege to be forfeited if I deliberately went against DiL’s or DD’s wishes.

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