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Wedding help with Granny

(65 Posts)
NanaNancy Thu 09-Aug-18 02:36:00

I need your help! Very soon there will be the wedding for my nephew and my Mum, who is 88 will be under my "wing" for the three day event.
We desperately need something to keep her busy on the morning of the wedding (service is at 3 pm), as we all have other "jobs" and the intention was to have her stay at the B & B to relax and rest. She needs to rest. BUT now she is saying that she will go off to see the town and shop that morning rather than rest.
I need a task to keep her, at least at the B & B; she doesn't know this town and you can imagine consequences...plus I cannot take her with me, as I have a lot to do for the wedding and will not achieve it if I am moving at a 88 year old pace.
Suggestions please!!!

Coolgran65 Thu 09-Aug-18 02:53:34

Do you have a good friend who would invite mum out for coffee and visit to the local garde

Coolgran65 Thu 09-Aug-18 02:54:53

Oops. Posted too soon.
Visit to local garden centre. Most of them have a lovely coffee shop now.

NanaNancy Thu 09-Aug-18 05:04:52

Hey Coolgran,
The wedding location is not near her home nor mine; no friends or relations in the town at all, no garden center but likely a coffee shop, however she is not the type to go to a coffee shop and read the papers.
I need to "keep her" quiet and not out and walking getting herself tired before the entire event happens otherwise she will be cranky and tired by 8 pm.

ContraryMary88 Thu 09-Aug-18 08:13:46

Can’t you give her a ‘job’ to do whilst she is in the B and B? Writing lists of something or other? Or some thing small to do with the wedding .?
I’m sure you can think of something for her to do that means she has to stay indoors and not go out, the landlady might be able to help you on this one.

Eglantine21 Thu 09-Aug-18 08:49:59

Do you have a big box of old photos she could sort through. Tell her she can only chose 20 to be put in a little album.

The bride and groom mayalreadybe planning a board of photos but a little album, just photo size, can sit unobtrusively beside it.

Eglantine21 Thu 09-Aug-18 08:53:25

Oh or book her in for some kind of beauty treatmemt if you’ve got a salon earth the B &B. A foot spa or a hand treatment. Brief them to take ages!

Eglantine21 Thu 09-Aug-18 08:54:45

near the

DoraMarr Thu 09-Aug-18 08:58:00

Good heavens, she’s an adult not a toddler! Surely she can decide for herself what she wants to do? She’s already said she wants to do some shopping and explore, so why not let her? She obviously doesn’t want to have to do any pre- wedding jobs. If the wedding is at 3 then presumably you will meet up at the b&b to get ready before 2, so she could explore a bit, shop, and have some lunch well before then. I would be cranky by 8 if I had to hang around until 3, then perhaps not have anything to eat until 4 or 5. My mother, 90, went for a walk, had lunch, had a sit down, got ready, went to my daughter’s wedding, then around 8.30 called herself a taxi and went back to the hotel, saying thank you to everyone and she’d really enjoyed herself, but she was going now.

winterwhite Thu 09-Aug-18 10:12:22

If the ceremony is at 3 many grannies would be tired before 8 no matter what they did in the morning. Making sure she can leave when she wants to will be as important as helping to occupy herself during the morning.
Or could you offload or swap some of your own tasks so that you are under less pressure yourself?

Jalima1108 Thu 09-Aug-18 10:30:12

It depends how fit she is - I have a friend who is 91 and had a job to keep up with her when we went shopping one day last year!

Finding old photos to put into an album is a good idea Eglantine - she could make a kind of 'This is Your Life' for her grandson, writing labels for each photo as well.

Otherwise can you organise a taxi trip around the town to see the sights?

JackyB Thu 09-Aug-18 11:25:17

Will there be any teenagers around who get on with her and could take her under their wing? They could go for a walk round the shops, and kill 2 birds with one stone.

Again, depending on how fit she is, is there some ironing or shoe-cleaning she could do?

Jalima1108 Thu 09-Aug-18 11:28:26

Again, depending on how fit she is, is there some ironing or shoe-cleaning she could do?
shock
I would have a few choice words if anyone asked me to do that grin

What about booking a hair appointment for her?

JackyB Thu 09-Aug-18 11:39:05

I suppose that did sound a bit harsh, Jalima. I was just imagining that she might like to feel really useful, rather than being parked out of the way, and, as has been said, she is an adult. I do like the idea of sorting photos though.

DoraMarr Thu 09-Aug-18 11:46:12

But she’s already said she wants to go off and see the town and do some shopping. I think she is making it clear she doesn’t want to be involved in any pre- wedding jobs. As I said before, she is an adult who is capable of managing her own day, and there is nothing to stop her going back to the hotel at 8 if she is tired- I am always happy to go home around then myself, weddings do seem to drag on.

ginny Thu 09-Aug-18 12:38:19

Let her do what she wants. It sounds as if she is quite capable. If she wants to leave the reception early because she is tired, call a taxi.
Shoe shining, ironing !!!

Jalima1108 Thu 09-Aug-18 13:36:26

I suppose that did sound a bit harsh, Jalima
she may, of course, love ironing or shoe cleaning JackyB - I was just thinking what I would say if someone suggested it to me grin

sodapop Thu 09-Aug-18 13:58:31

It really sounds quite patronising Nananancy I agree with
DoraMarr and others, its up to your mother what she wants to do, I would be appalled if my children treated me like that.

silverlining48 Thu 09-Aug-18 14:16:15

How about you spending the morning with your mum and might be easier to get someone else to do what you were going to do. It would put your mind at rest and you can make sure mum doesn’t overdo things and you both enjoy
your nephews wedding.

NanaNancy Fri 10-Aug-18 00:49:28

Thanks for some suggestions - taken back by the back-lashing by some. Perhaps, those who don't have enough experience with an elderly Mum, who MAY think she is "able" to go off, but in reality should not; and will later not be enjoyable to any of us as she tires and then the rather bizarre statements start (due to the starting signs of diminishing "brain power").
It is not patronizing to care enough to share and hope for uplifting ideas - from others who may have elderly Mum some of whom do need managing.
IS that not what we are here to do for each other? Lift up not put down. Shame on you.

ContraryMary88 Fri 10-Aug-18 07:00:35

Nananancy you obviously know your Mother better than we do, if you can’t think of anything to occupy her for a few hours, how do you expect us to come up with anything?

There are a few good ideas on here, if you calm down long enough to have a proper look.

ginny Fri 10-Aug-18 07:35:32

Some of the comments may be a bit harsh but your OP really just seemed to say that you didn’t want her to be tired. People can only comment on what you tell them and your second post puts a different slant on the matter.

DoraMarr Fri 10-Aug-18 08:14:45

Your first post sounded, to me, rather patronising, as the daughter of a ninety year old who certainly knows her own mind and would be insulted if I wrote that about her. However, if your mother has incipient dementia and may be a danger to herself if left alone that puts a different slant on it. In that case could you not, as someone upthread suggested, spend the morning with her yourself? You’re not the mother of the bride, so I’m sure the wedding party could absorb your jobs while you do a bit of shopping, have coffee and lunch and a rest before getting ready. I’d be quite grateful for the excuse!

sodapop Fri 10-Aug-18 08:23:45

I am an elderly Mum and would not want to be told I couldn't do what I wanted. However your second post gives more information which changes things a little.
Posters are not going to agree,that's what sparks a debate
NanaNancy

fiorentina51 Fri 10-Aug-18 08:33:13

Depends on your priorities. Ensuring your mother's well being or helping with wedding preparations. We were faced with a similar situation at my sons wedding. We had 3 relatives all aged over 80. Wedding was at 2pm so my husband and I took them out to lunch then for a scenic drive round Surrey. They enjoyed the wedding but we were shattered.

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