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What would you give this Grandson at Christmas?

(39 Posts)
bluebirdwsm Thu 08-Nov-18 20:46:27

I have a 19 year old grandson who I was very close to when he was small. My DIL and I do not see each other [long story and 3.5 years now], so things are difficult. Grandson has come over to me on my birthday, Christmas days and a couple of times when with his dad.

He now has a job, good wages and a car. I am 15 minutes away from his house, 4 minutes in the car but haven't seen him since March. I've asked him on 3 occasions if I can take him out for something to eat and to text me his free evening/s. He hasn't replied.

We do not give adults in the family presents any more, I just send a food gift for them all to share and the grandchildren [5 in total] get Christmas money from me.

What would you do? Do I class GS as an adult now and just send a card? Or still give money even though he does not bother with me? I may be sounding unreasonable but feeling very hurt...and wondering if or when there is a cut off point. I am on a very low pension.

Luckygirl Thu 08-Nov-18 21:03:26

He's has joined the ranks of adults. How time flies!

Lynne59 Thu 08-Nov-18 21:10:37

My GC are little, so I can't speak with experience of adult GC, but I've had nieces and nephews who have been the same as your GS.

Could it be that he's changed his mobile number? Perhaps you could ring it, see if he answers. Or, ask your son if the number you've got for your GS is correct.

IF the number is right and he's simply not bothering to reply, I'd be inclined to send him a card (money inside, that's up to you) and then not bother so much after that.

M0nica Thu 08-Nov-18 21:23:19

He is over 18, he is officially an adult. Adult rules apply.

MissAdventure Thu 08-Nov-18 21:28:15

Just a card, I would say.

bluebirdwsm Thu 08-Nov-18 21:33:14

I have the right mobile number. I text to ask if he would like to meet up for me to buy him a meal, the answer is yes. As he is busy, has lots of friends and a girlfriend I then ask what evenings are best for him. 3 times now, he does not reply to tell me.

I think you are all right, he is now an adult as he is nearly 20. But a card on it's own isn't going to go down well. Maybe I'll send him over a few cans to soften the blow.

MawBroon Thu 08-Nov-18 21:37:17

A bottle of craft gin, some artisan beer or similar - but he doesn’t deserve it!

PECS Thu 08-Nov-18 21:47:07

A card with an IOU for a pizza date with Grandma! he can take it or leave it then!

MiniMoon Thu 08-Nov-18 22:25:12

We decided as a family to stop giving Christmas gifts to nephews and nieces once they reach 18. The same rule applies to grandchildren. Your grandson is an adult now, I would stop sending a gift.

Melanieeastanglia Thu 08-Nov-18 22:35:09

Perhaps try card with money and take on board PECS's idea of humorous IOU for pizza date with Grandma. He might respond positively.

If you don't hear much from him next year, just a card next Christmas.

cornergran Thu 08-Nov-18 22:44:36

I understand you are missing your grandson bluebird and hurt by the lack of contact. If there’s a clear understanding in the family that adults do not receive gifts then no, he shouldn’t receive anything. At 19 he is an adult. A card with an iou for a pizza would fit the bill in my view. I don’t think a Christmas gift would turn the clock back with him. He’s busy, has a girlfriend, time will fly past. Try not to be hurt, it’s a natural progression I think.

JustGrandma Thu 08-Nov-18 22:47:24

Completely agree with PECS - a great solution.

Patsy70 Thu 08-Nov-18 22:55:13

It is very sad and bad-mannered not to respond (I've been there!) I'd try one more time - what about cinema vouchers? Also, enclose a self-addressed card to acknowledge receipt. If this doesn't work, just send a card in future.

annodomini Thu 08-Nov-18 23:36:55

If he doesn't react to your texts, why don't you try ringing him?

paddyann Fri 09-Nov-18 00:32:07

He's still a member of your family so why wouldn't you include him on your christmas list ? I buy for my OH's niece and nephew who are mid 20's as well as their partners and my SIL and her husband .OH hasn't a big family and I wouldn't dream of leaving anyone out .I remember my MIL telling me that her cousin who was more like a sister used to buy for everyone except FIL and he was quite hurt about it so I wouldn't hurt anyones feeling in the same way.To be honest I dont think many 19 year old boys (in particular) spend time with aunties and grannies nowadays .I know I only see OH's family on MIL's birthdays when we all have a meal together .Send the boy a card and some vouchers or stick a tenner in it for a drink ,he's your grandson for goodness sake !

sodapop Fri 09-Nov-18 06:52:00

Yes I think I would send a card with a tenner as well. As Paddyann says 19 year olds are not good at keeping in touch. I think you should tell him when you do meet up that you are sad about not seeing him.

Dontaskme Fri 09-Nov-18 07:27:43

If you would usually/normally give him something don't stop just because he doesn't contact you as much as you would like, but let him know that whatever happens you only do Christmas/Birthdays until their 21st???

gillybob Fri 09-Nov-18 07:32:49

I’m inclined to agree with paddyann . I would still put the money or a voucher in his card.

Feelingmyage55 Fri 09-Nov-18 12:37:57

I am a great believer in keeping the opportunities for contact open so perhaps still send something certainly until he is 21. It doesn’t need to be much. It would be interesting to know what he would say if you asked him to pop round and help you ... move a piece of furniture, sort a door handle, whatever. He might be nudged into visiting with a more obvious purpose. Boys of 19 do mature into generally lovely kind young men.

PamelaJ1 Fri 09-Nov-18 13:03:35

I agree with Feelingmyage, don’t close doors,
Sometimes they gravitate away and then as they mature gravitate back.
A card, A tenner and a gift voucher for a meal with you. Put an expiry date on it, that may concentrate his mind.

crazyH Fri 09-Nov-18 14:00:45

Bluebird, he is 19 ....honestly, as much my grandson loves me, I don't think he'll have a one to one with me, in a restaurant and he's only 16. Mind you, I haven't asked hm yet, so I could be wrong. I always have his sister and him together and we go out together for lunch etc
I also have 2 adult sons, one of whom would happily , (well, used to anyway), sit and have a meal with me. The other won't , unless his wife is with us. Everyone is different.
As for Xmas gifts, I give everyone money and a small token wrapped gift to open on Xmas day. Christmas has become so stressful for most families....

mumofmadboys Fri 09-Nov-18 16:19:38

I would of thought from my position of ignorance ( no GC yet) that GC are a bit like our own children and should always have a present.

Telly Fri 09-Nov-18 18:41:31

I think the voucher ideas are good, or the card with a tenner inside. He probably has a lot more spare cash than you do at the moment.
Keep in touch though. It is the thought that counts.

oldbatty Fri 09-Nov-18 19:48:58

Send a cheeky card with a daft message, just for fun.

oldbatty Fri 09-Nov-18 19:50:35

Don't sit there mouldering and point scoring....make light of it....Whats up with you? Too cool for Grandma now?