Gransnet forums



(67 Posts)
Charlie2468 Mon 15-Apr-19 23:44:12

I'm 52 and have a grandaughter of 16. Up until recently she used to stay over every now and again.
We used to go shopping and I would always treat her.
All of a sudden she doesn't want to come over to see me or go shopping?
Can you all tell me your thoughts.
I know she is studying hard but to not want your nan to treat you at all seems strange?

MawBroonsback Mon 15-Apr-19 23:46:09

She’s a teenager - nothing new there.
Do not lose any sleep over it smile

Rowantree Mon 15-Apr-19 23:56:42

Could you just let her know you're here when she feels like it, and wish her luck with her studying?

If you are close to her mum/dad would it be possible to ask them quietly if she's said anything about it to them? Try to be casual and light hearted about it though!

Marydoll Mon 15-Apr-19 23:57:33

As Maw says. She will want to spend time with her friends (or boyfriend?) .

That's teenagers for you! smile

gransal Tue 16-Apr-19 00:04:09

I have one of 20 who has decided to visit for a "FEW DAYS", he only lives 10 mins away and another one of 15 who occasionaly grunts in my direction when I see him. In all there are 10 of them and every one is different. Their life changes, as do ours. Go with the flow

Doodle Tue 16-Apr-19 00:20:53

My DGC are growing up too and once we used to get together a lot now it is much less frequently. I offered a trip this Easter holiday but was told revision is the order of the day with one day out to do things with friends. That’s fine. Yes I will miss the fun we once had but we did have it and no doubt we will do something in the summer holidays. Children and grandchildren grow up. Don’t take it to heart just be pleased you had part in that growing and happy they are making their way in life. The revision could well be true for your DGD I know mine has been studying really hard.

BradfordLass72 Tue 16-Apr-19 02:46:30

Just as you did with your children, you have to learn to let go.
She's growing up and although I am sure she still loves you, she's moving in exciting circles with so much to do, see and experience.
And never enough time to do it all - and study.

My grand-daughter was exactly the same - weekends and school holidays with me - and then at 16 - the world beckoned.

We are still close because I didn't make her feel guilty about not visiting as often, didn't say anything at all which would make the situation between us uncomfortable.
So keep smiling, don't be a clingy Nanna and she'll come back as often as she is able because she enjoys being with you. flowers

Sara65 Tue 16-Apr-19 06:55:47

My oldest granddaughter is the same, but I am happy that her life is full and happy, she knows we are here should she need us

M0nica Tue 16-Apr-19 06:59:03

Typical teenager, hormones in overdrive and the world beckons. Play it cool and she will return.

Remember Oscar Wildes commente: When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years

It is much the same with girls and they do still really love you, just sometimes forget.

Anja Tue 16-Apr-19 07:02:48

Agree. It’s time to let go 😢

Sara65 Tue 16-Apr-19 07:51:05

Think I may have sounded a bit flippant! I have several other grandchildren coming along to fill the gap, but if she’s your only one, it must be very hard for you, she’ll be back though, when her parents are ruining her life, and have never understood her, or when she wants some money for driving lessons, she’ll turn to granny!

harrigran Tue 16-Apr-19 07:59:52

Just be thankful you got your GD until she was 16. Mine did a Kevin on the day she turned 13. She doesn't want to come for sleepovers and doesn't need Grandma to keep an eye on her during school holidays.

Greyduster Tue 16-Apr-19 08:08:56

I saw this happen with my dad and his grandchildren. I fully expect it to happen to us with our grandson. They grow up. Doesn’t mean they don’t love you - they just have different priorities.

BlueBelle Tue 16-Apr-19 08:12:34

Oh my goodness don’t be broken hearted this is life and exactly as it should be she’s pulling away to lead her own life

I now have seven grandkids in their teens the youngest 13 next week I have two who are 16 one lives near me and I have been very very involved in her life since her Daddy died when she was 4 now she often doesn’t answer my texts for at least 24 hours if I see her in the street with her friends she just gives a quick smile and walks on by She doesn’t want or need my company
She has just acquired her first boyfriend and the other day I saw her with him coming towards me in the street about 10 yards apart My heart wanted to go and give her a big hug and shake his hand but I gave a smile and walked on by A few days later I said to her I didn’t come and say hello I thought it might embarrass you and she said ‘Nan you did the right thing’
It is totally, totally normal it is a natural process don’t be clingy or upset let her go she will return in time

‘Come to the edge’ he said, They said ‘we are afraid’, ‘Come to the edge’ he said. They came, he pushed them ... and they flew

MawBroonsback Tue 16-Apr-19 08:30:42

Remember Oscar Wildes commente: When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years

With respect M0nica I think those sentiments (and words) were Mark Twain’s.

sodapop Tue 16-Apr-19 09:05:51

Your granddaughter is a teenager Charlie2468 she wants to be independent and go her own way. Things will change again as she gets older.
I do think 'heartbroken' is a strong term to use for this normal teenage phase.

KatyK Tue 16-Apr-19 09:45:56

That's life. My DGD used to stay over all the time. We did loads together - went shopping, made cakes etc. She's at uni now and we rarely see her. If we want to treat her, we send her something or put some money into her account. She sees us when she can.

DancesWithOtters Tue 16-Apr-19 10:00:08

She's 16. 16 year olds don't want to hang out with Nan at the weekend. They want to be out with their friends and boyfriends.

Very normal. Don't take it personally.

Willow500 Tue 16-Apr-19 10:15:29

Yes afraid this is all part of growing up and moving on. Two of mine are 17 & 21 - they still love us but coming to stay now is not on their agenda especially as the eldest lives with her boyfriend. Be happy for her and enjoy the visits you do get.

sassenach512 Tue 16-Apr-19 10:16:49

'Heartbroken' is someone who has actually lost a beloved GC, you haven't lost her, she's just growing up.
You have been loved these past 16 she won't have forgotten that, she's put you on a shelf for now but sooner or later, when she's gallivanted about as they all do, she will remember how much you mean to her and that special bond will resurface again and you'll get her back. I agree, let her do her thing and be patient.

crazyH Tue 16-Apr-19 10:23:01

They are all the same. I'm trying to get them over for Easter Lunch, but no replies from them. And their mother (my daughter)is the same ...if I did text her, she will reply the following. If I ring, she's always in a hurry to get off the phone. What's the point 😂

NotSpaghetti Tue 16-Apr-19 10:30:07

DancesWithOtters is certainly right. A 16 year old would almost certainly not want to go shopping with their grandmother.
I don’t think it’s her studying that’s changed - she (sadly but rightly) has better things to do.
When she’s older I dare say she’ll be more available. She’s finding a new place for herself in the world.

humptydumpty Tue 16-Apr-19 10:30:49

I'm sure you've got the gist from the replies - she's a teenager!! I'm sure as you've been close while she has been growing up, that she'll gravitate back when she's a bit older.

Craftycat Tue 16-Apr-19 10:31:13

Perfectly normal at that age. Give her a couple of years & she will want to come & see you again & be a real friend.

Callistemon Tue 16-Apr-19 10:34:42

You're a very young grandma Charlie2468 - the same age as I was when my 16 year old DD decided she'd rather go shopping with her friends than me.

She's probably studying for her GCSEs too.