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I think I am in danger of becoming annoying!

(44 Posts)
Scentia Sun 19-May-19 17:30:54

My Daughter and Son in Law had their first child last week, our first Grandchild.

I am unsure of how much I need to know about what he is up to, I text them every day asking about him and this last few days they aren’t replying so quickly. I think I am getting on their nerves! How much to you ask about your Grandchildren? I don’t want to seem disinterested but I definitely don’t want to become bothersome. I am hoping I calm down a bit after a few weeks. My Husband laughs about it and says you’ll get fed up just like you did with yoga😂😂
But in all seriousness, how much is too much?

cornergran Sun 19-May-19 17:38:15

Hmm. There aren’t rules in my view, all families have different dynamics. I wouldn’t text every day, ours would think it ott and of course parents are tired and busy. Maybe hold back a bit? If you see or speak to them why not ask what is ok with them and acknowledge your excitement and desire not to be a nuisance? It worked for us, we had a stream of what’s app photos which kept me happy. Others will have different views I’m sure, see what everyone thinks and then consider what’s best for your situation. Remember to be interested in the parents as well as your new grandchild. Congratulations, it’s an exciting time.

EthelJ Sun 19-May-19 17:56:16

Congratulations it's a lovely time but also a very busy and stressful time for new parents. I remember feeling shell-shocked when I had my first child.
I would try not to contact them every day and leave them to send you texts, photos and updates instead when they can. That's what I tended to do when my DD had her children

Do you live near your daughter, if so
ask if there is anything practical you can do to help. Can you take them some cooked food they can just heat up or do some housework/laundry for them so they can concentrate on the baby I sure they would appreciate it rather than daily texts.

Wobbles Sun 19-May-19 18:17:53

Congratulations on your new GS flowers
I can understand your excitement but please think of his parents.

They're trying to cope with the life changing arrival of a newborn baby - sleep, feeding, soothing, all this is unknown territory and coping with a needy obsessed GM will only add to their worries.

Offer practical help if living locally, cooking, shopping, laundry.

If not maybe sort out a convenient time to call for a longer update, WhatsApp video calls are good for staying in touch.

Enjoy your new role as a loving GM

Sara65 Sun 19-May-19 18:28:26

We’ve all been there, torn between doing too much or too little, I don’t see any problem with sending a text every day at the moment, probably one that doesn’t require an answer necessarily, and then gradually leave it to every two to three days

Grammaretto Sun 19-May-19 18:30:15

How lovely! Congratulations.
But I agree, you don't need to text daily unless there is something to worry about. Let them know you are at the end of a phone if needed.

BlueBelle Sun 19-May-19 18:52:40

It’s so hard to find the middle line but texting every day is too much in my opinion cut it down to two or three times a week but better still if you have a good relationship with your daughter why not ask her Tell her how excited you are but that you don’t want to annoy her and see what she says
Have you seen the baby yet?

Mycatisahacker Sun 19-May-19 19:01:32

Oh I thought it would be easier with a dd!

My dds yet to have kids but I have a lovely dil and a 3 year old grandson.

Ok think back to how you felt, really felt, after baby 1.... knackered obviously scared unsure and very very not open to advice grin maybe that was me.grin

I would stop texting daily. Agree 100% with wobbles do some batch cooking and deliver that on the hoof so knock, hand over and go.

Let your dd know you are there but equally let them get over the shock of a first born.

Seriously it gets far far easier. grin

BBbevan Sun 19-May-19 19:50:03

I think about my GDs every day and have done so since they were born. One is 12, the other 10. I worry trterribly for them when things go wrong in their world, and rejoice when things go well. But they and their parents do not know this.
I would never intrude in their family life or any decisions my DS and DiL make. Fortunately they are very generous and share lots with us.
But we had to consider our position in the early days. Err on the side of caution and show them all love. Things will work out I am sure

sodapop Sun 19-May-19 20:01:26

I agree with others, practical help with food, laundry etc if requested otherwise leave them to settle in to their new life together. Let your daughter know you would love to hear news of the baby but leave her to make contact. Things will settle down and you will be able to enjoy your new grandson together. Congratulations.

SueDonim Sun 19-May-19 20:10:31

Congratulations on the new baby!

Ime of having had four dc and five GC, new babies really don't do a lot apart from feed, wee, cry, burp - and sleep a bit, if you're lucky.

I'd maintain roughly the same regime as you normally had. If you contacted each other once a week, do that. If you texted ten times a day, do that, but don't expect responses to all of them, or too much detail, because quite honest, there isn't that much to say!

Showing interest in the parents is also important, so that they don't feel as though they are just providers of a grandchild and no longer people in their own right.

notanan2 Sun 19-May-19 20:24:31

Its fine to text lots but dont quiz them. Send them texts that dont demand a reply like "love you 3" etc

Dont ignore mum. Show an interest in her and she will end up boring YOU with baby trivia

Gonegirl Sun 19-May-19 20:34:58

As he seems to be less than a week old, I do wonder what you think he is going to be "up to"? Hopefully he will be feeding and sleeping.

I wouldn't ask any questions apart from "how are you all" if I had heard nothing for about a week.

Do they live a long way away from you? Have you seen the baby yet?

mcem Sun 19-May-19 21:10:39

I text occasionally but interest can be seen as badgering!
Whatsapp has been very useful as DS or DiL send a pic most days but not always an accompanying bulletin!
They take lots of pic's of course and it only takes seconds to send one to me.
My favourite currently adorns my phone's opening page and DGS is there every time I use my phone.

Pat1949 Sun 19-May-19 21:23:53

I think every day is a bit much. There's only so much they can text back as young babies don't do much. Perhaps a couple of times a week would be enough. If you want to text every day make the conversation about them, then they'll probably let you know 'what the baby is up to'. If you think your getting on their nerves, you probably are.

SalsaQueen Sun 19-May-19 21:48:43

It's your first GC, so naturally, you're excited. Asking them every day is too much. They only had the baby last week! I would think that they're finding it tiring and haven't yet got into a routine. Give them some time to sort things out with their new child. Babies don't do anything for quite a few weeks anyway.

Scentia Sun 19-May-19 22:20:31

Thanks everyone, I asked my daughter if I was being bothersome, she said of course not, it’s nice I am interested, she said she will soon tell me if I get on her nerves.

When I had my babies, no one in my family was interested and that is why I think I find it to important to show an interest

I have always text her very day anyway so she said it makes no difference to her if I still do that, she will ignore me if she is busy and reply if she isn’t!

And for a 9 day old he has been up to all sorts! He has been to the pub, more than once😂

I did offer to cook them some meals and she laughed at that suggestion, saying my cooking was the reason she married and left home so young😂

I think I am just so excited and will calm down soon.

BradfordLass72 Sun 19-May-19 22:27:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

granzilla Sun 19-May-19 22:40:23

Have I missed something?
Do they live on the other side of the world?
Have you even seen this 9 day old child?
If not, why not?
Perhaps there's a back story as I can't comprehend not seeing your daughter's baby after 9 days.
Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick and congratulations on the birth of your grandson flowers

annep1 Sun 19-May-19 22:52:26

It sounds like you have a good mother/daughter relationship.

Wobbles Sun 19-May-19 22:54:09

Scentia your update made me smile.
Happy days ahead 😀

cornergran Mon 20-May-19 07:41:24

That all sounds just right, scentia, now relax and enjoy being a grandparent. smile.

Sara65 Mon 20-May-19 08:07:36

You sound happy scentia, as you should be
Your daughter sounds lovely, I’m sure you’ve got lots of happy times ahead with your family

knickas63 Mon 20-May-19 08:58:18

It depends on family dynamics. if you usually speak everyday, then is should be fine, if not, then try to add it to your usual conversations. Difficult, when such perfect little beings come into our lives!

Charleygirl5 Mon 20-May-19 09:11:04

Congratulations- happy days ahead but I personally feel that communicating daily is OTT! Give them time to settle down and as others have said try to help from a practical point of view.