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Does anyone else still feel a bit lost without their Mum?

(137 Posts)
Kandinsky Sat 20-Jul-19 20:22:51

I’m 56 & my Mum passed away 5 years ago, yet I still feel a bit ‘lost’ & uncertain about everything.
My Mum lived to a good age & I know ‘that’s life’ but I just never imagined life without her.

Does anyone else feel the same?

MissAdventure Sat 20-Jul-19 20:29:54

Oh yes, I miss having my mum to talk to.
We were really good friends, until life got very bleak for all of us, then she died.

BlueBelle Sat 20-Jul-19 20:36:13

My mum had Alzheimer’s for the last seven years and had to go into residential because dad was on his own we used to ring for a chat at least three times a day so it’s dads conversations I miss the most They died within 6 months of each other I really really miss them both

Grannyknot Sat 20-Jul-19 20:50:10

I don't feel lost without my mother but I still miss her, 25 years after she died.

I saw a stranger on the street just today and for a moment I thought it was her ❤. It made me happy.

Bordersgirl57 Sat 20-Jul-19 20:51:30

I'm the same [bluebelle]. Mum had dementia and when dad went into hospital she went into respite and never came out. He joined her though when he got out of hospital. It took years not to be clock watching for the twice a day we spoke on the phone. Saw them several times a week. Dad died a year after mum. Mum and I were never close but when she was in the home and I went in she always exclaimed "oh it's *****" so she knew me and she had a big smile on her face. That is what I chose to remember not the rest.

I miss my dad more because we were always close, even now most days there's things I wish I could tell him or ask him. I get an email reminder from a Heritage website for all the family birthdays and it always gets me going but I haven't the heart to stop his. It would have been his 99th birthday last week. Bless. (my sisters gone too so just me left). I am very blessed though.

paddyann Sat 20-Jul-19 20:52:29

Bluebelle I miss my dad most.My mum was always "delicate" so dads mantra was dont worry your mum.He was the one we turned to with school things or boyfriend problems and even when I was pregnant with my first baby.My mum was a spoilt child who grew into a spoilt woman ,dont get me wrong I loved her dearly but I was much closer to my Daddy .

fizzers Sat 20-Jul-19 20:58:55

my mam only died at Christmas, she was 92 and had been getting increasingly sicker the past few months of her life, she wanted to go, she'd had enough, she said so when she had her lucid moments, so I knew, I feel bereft, orphaned, angry. I carry on with my life, with my remaining family, but I have my bad days

Gransooz Sat 20-Jul-19 20:59:49

My mum passed away nearly 7 years ago when I was 59 and she was 99. Although she was in a nursing home for the last few years, she still knew us but slept a lot. She was my best friend and I’ll always miss her. Often I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to her.

GrannyGravy13 Sat 20-Jul-19 21:01:08

My Mum died 2yrs 3months ago, I miss her so much, she was my best friend, my confidant my go to person.

It's my birthday in a couple of days, and she was so into birthdays, Easter and Christmas it is just not the same without her.

She was the centre of our family, my sister, my children and grandchildren miss her so much.

When I go to Lakeside or Bluewater I still imagine her with me and have conversations with her in my head.

Her loss still hurts every day.........

ginny Sat 20-Jul-19 21:16:04

I don’t feel lost but 26 years after my Mum died I still miss her(. I was 38).
She was always there with just the right words or actions.

My friends always used to say that if they had something good happen to them they would want to tell my Mum as she was always so pleased for them . It made things twice as good . Anything bad and she would make it seem half as bad.

Cherrytree59 Sat 20-Jul-19 21:25:24

I miss both my parents.
My mum died from breast cancer 31 years ago this month

However it is my maternal grandmother that I long for.
She was always there for me until she was struck down by alzheimer in her nineties even then she would still coorie in for a cuddle.

She died in 1998 and I miss her every day.sad

GrandmaMoira Sat 20-Jul-19 21:29:41

It will be 40 years in a few months since my mother died and she seems very distant now. It's only my brother and his wife that remember her now as none of her grandchildren knew her.

kittylester Sat 20-Jul-19 21:33:46

I do envy those of you who had a good relationship with your mums. flowers

Septimia Sat 20-Jul-19 21:36:19

Like many girls, I was closer to my dad but he died before my mum, so I had several years of a relationship with her that was closer than it had previously been. She died in 1996 and I still sometimes think that I must tell her about something that's happened, or about something that I've seen, because I know she'd share my thoughts about it.

GabriellaG54 Sat 20-Jul-19 21:38:02

Grannyknot
That last paragraph is so poignant.
Maybe it was her way of still being with you but I found it incredibly sad, like a child who thinks she sees an angel and it makes her smile.
I'm glad it made you happy. flowers

GabriellaG54 Sat 20-Jul-19 21:53:18

I miss my mum every day and, although she wasn't a touchy-feely mum, we had a glorious childhood until dad died aged 45. Mum's life ended on that day. The light dimmed and spluttered and finally she went to be with the love of her life aged 76, after 4 rigorous ops for bowel cancer.
I feel I didn't say all the things adult mums and daughters share. It was hard to make her smile but I was 17 and had no words of comfort to offer.
She withdrew from us at the end and her wishes for none of us to be told of her death until after cremation, were carried out by the convalescent home.
I do tell her that she is missed and I miss dad too. The ping of the metal segs on the heels of his shoes and kissing his cold cheeks on winter evenings, when we went to the corner to meet him from work and carry his paper and briefcase.
Both greatly missed.

Thorntrees Sat 20-Jul-19 21:57:29

My Mum died 12 years ago today. She had had a stroke and was in hospital miles away from where we lived. I was having chemotherapy at the time and couldn’t be with her. It still breaks my heart that she was alone when she died and didn’t know that I recovered from the Hodgkin lymphoma I was being treated for. It is also my Grandsons 20th birthday today, he was 8 when she died so always a day of mixed emotions. I miss her every day but especially today.

merlotgran Sat 20-Jul-19 22:03:13

My mother was 96 when she died. I don't miss her physical presence as in the end I was worn to a frazzle coping with her care needs but I have wonderful memories of her humour, wit and hilarious put downs.

I always felt she was more needy than supportive but she held the whole family in the palm of her hand so I always had back-up on the mother front. grin

I do think of her more these days because I'm hoping she and DD are perched on a cloud somewhere, knocking back pink gin (or Harry Pinkers as she always called it) putting the world to rights.smile

TerriBull Sat 20-Jul-19 22:19:17

Yes I really miss my mother, she died 11 years ago this month, I can't believe I've been without her that long. I'd just come back from Canada and the day I was due to see her felt really tired but I know she wanted to see me, so glad I didn't cancel we had a lovely day together lunch out, lots of talking. The next day she died. I remember feeling the need to tell her a few weeks earlier that I was lucky to have a wonderful mum and how much I loved her.

I always was felt she was much nicer than me, my good side fights to get out, but can get suppressed at times by my father's genes, not that awful, but certainly an irascible person and nothing like as good hearted as my dear mum.

Willynilly Sat 20-Jul-19 22:31:14

I will miss my Dad all the days of my life, but I'm content that he knew just how much he was loved as I wrote him a letter (read 3 days before he died) that told him what he meant to me.
He's a legend in our family and we still talk about him all the time. He's always mentioned in family speeches at weddings etc. I've never known anyone so loved.
Mum? A long (and very different) story...

Grannybags Sat 20-Jul-19 22:36:16

My Mum died 7 years ago aged 97 just 4 weeks before my first grandchild was born.

She lived with me for the last 4 years of her life and I miss her every day. So many times I want to tell her of something that I know she'd find amusing or interesting

Grannyknot Sat 20-Jul-19 22:54:57

Gabriella thank you.

mosaicwarts Sat 20-Jul-19 22:56:38

I still miss my Mum 19 years on - she died in 2000, the year everyone was celebrating the start of the new century sad She had just had her 65th birthday.

Her sister, my aunt, is now 82 and in the early days I used to talk to her in the same way I'd talk to my Mum but soon stopped, she just isn't as kind and caring as my Mum was. I'm not even sure she likes me that much!

Willynilly Sat 20-Jul-19 23:06:08

Despite our longing for those lost, what is heartening is that we were loved and that we loved them. We are lucky to have had that.

annep1 Sat 20-Jul-19 23:43:39

Yes Kadinsky no matter what age your mum was, it's a big gap in your life. flowers
My mum died in August 2012. I was so close to her and visited her at least on Sunday and often in the evenings I would just lift the car keys and tell my partner I'm off to see mum. (15min drive) My dad was at the pub almost every night of my life. I didn't really know him. I had six siblings but I was the "clingy" one. Sadly when she had dementia she was very difficult and nasty to me a lot and having M.E. I found it hard to cope and wasn't always patient. I will regret this forever. I miss her so very much. She always had a lovely smile and was always pleased to see me. She was great at telling stories - more than once! And had a great sense of humour. She made everything all right. I dream about her a lot. I don't think you ever get over losing your mum. You just learn to live with it.
I have a notebook where I write down my memories of childhood. It's nice to reread at times.