Gransnet forums



(15 Posts)
Thumper Sun 18-Aug-19 16:26:25

This is a first for me but I would really like a friend to share my thoughts and worries with. I live in Wiltshire and since moving from Kent I have found it hard to make new friends. I am a carer for my husband and hardly go anywhere. Sometimes wish I had never moved but I wanted to stay close to my grandchildren. Now my daughter has fallen out with me and I don’t see my grandchildren. I am so lonely.

Persistentdonor Sun 18-Aug-19 16:51:42

I am so sorry you are feeling so isolated.
How long is it since you moved? Sometimes it can take a couple of years to settle in.
Have you looked at the local U3A? Possibly you could join a group there, with your husbsand or by going out alone for a while.
The situation with you daughter sounds rather difficult. sad Could you drop her a note saying how sad you are that you don't see much of her and the children, and asking if you might visit?

BlueBelle Sun 18-Aug-19 16:58:52

Oh dear that’s sad you sound very defeated is there no chance you could renew your relationship with your daughter can you make the first move ? Has she actually stopped you from seeing your grandchildren ? could you invite them round presumably your I’ll husband is her father is she not seeing him either
I m sure lots if people in here will give you ideas and support so do keep posting
I do hope things improve for you all

Hetty58 Sun 18-Aug-19 17:11:22

I would write to your daughter asking how you can make up and saying how much you miss her.

Is there a carers' group locally that you could join. Maybe a walking or hobby group could be found through your local library. You really need to compensate for the isolation and perhaps find group events to attend first, then, hopefully, your confidence restored, a friend will be there for you.

mumofmadboys Sun 18-Aug-19 17:15:19

You have signed up for Gransnet. A good move! Welcome! We are a friendly group of people and mainly are very supportive. Hope things improve with your daughter. I'm sure lots of people will give you a variety of suggestions.

Sexysixty Sun 18-Aug-19 17:17:39

I have moved many times. It’s hard to find people who even need to make new friends at this age. Maybe we can use this chat to express our issues with each other.

I like to read, I’m a maker, I exercise, and I have a dog. I belong to a craft group and I volunteer at a food-packing place.

I find I’ve become less gracious over the years. I expect more (maybe too much) from people in terms of integrity. I’m still sorting out whether I need to change or not.

(PS- Despite the name, I’m not sexy)

crazyH Sun 18-Aug-19 17:23:51

Thumper , parents and children fall out all the time, sometimes for the silliest of reasons. I fell out with my middle son last year, this month, but was never stopped from seeing the grandchildren. Someone has to make the first move. Just text ( in case, a phone call is difficult) your daughter and tell her you want to visit, to see the kids. Only the cruellest of young parents , will deny their children the love of a grandparent. I know there a few vicious, cruel, adult children. I hope your daughter isn't one of them.
In the meanwhile, join some local groups, U3A, over 50s groups etc. Good luck!!

Thumper Sun 18-Aug-19 17:42:45

Thank you all so much for your response. I have tried everything to get in touch with my daughter but she has blocked every one. I wrote a letter but she sent me a really nasty reply and told me not to contact her or the kids again. No, my husband isn’t her dad but has been as near to one as is possible. Her dad died a few years ago and she now tells me, as far as she is concerned, she is now an orphan. I have been in my village for six years and have lovely neighbours but they all have their own friends. We joined a coffee morning for older people but it only meets up every other Monday. I have hobbies, reading and cross stitching but I miss female company and chit chat. My husband has severe Parkinson’s and cannot walk or talk so when I do get to talk to people I tend to babble on a bit!

BlueBelle Sun 18-Aug-19 17:53:07

Oh dear I m not asking you to say, but do you know why your daughter is so anti you, is she angry about her Dad dying what a dreadful shame and how hard for you to be so near but so far it’s pretty extreme and heartless to keep you from seeing your grandkids Do you live in the same village ? If so can you see them by default
Can you get help with a befriender to sit with your husband a few hours a week while you have a break I guess if you’re in a village there’s no charity shops or anything you could do a few hours volunteering in
Don’t worry about the babbling I tend to do that when I m with anyone after being alone a lot I always apologise if I do it too much and people normally understand
Keep writing on here I m sure you ll make lots of friends

Barmeyoldbat Sun 18-Aug-19 18:03:20

Welcometo GN, its is an excellent start to making friends and some places have meet ups. Do you belong to a carers groups, they are wonderful and can provide a lot of advice and help with your husband. Maybe you could have someone it with him once a week so you could go out and join something like a craft group or knit and natter group. Look forward to you joining in more of our debates and chats.

PECS Sun 18-Aug-19 18:15:58

Oh my, a tricky situation for you. Does your DH go to daycare/ respite? Do you have a carer to help with his physical care?
I would recommend WI or similar for you to meet other women. Our local Leisure centre has an over 55 morning where there is a coffee break between activities where people sit & chat. Re your DD how sad..there seem to be so many estrangements. If you have no real understanding about her reason for cutting of contact that is hard. All I can suggest is that you simply send cards etc for birthdays/ Christmas etc. with love Mum/ granny etc & hope that with time she is able to reflect on her decision. thanks

Gaunt47 Sun 18-Aug-19 18:18:15

Thumper, What a miserable situation for you to have to face, my heart goes out to you. Carers groups are a must, and join a crafters group, and if you can get out in the evening join a choir. Singing together is so uplifting you can forget everything and just concentrate on making music. And here's the good bit: you really don't have to read music or be a good singer!

DanniRae Sun 18-Aug-19 18:42:15

All good advice......I have nothing to add but want to send you some flowers
I hope things improve for you soon x

Vintagegal13 Sun 18-Aug-19 18:48:46

Just a thought, Age UK in my area do a befriending scheme - you can either have a visit from them for an hour a week, or a weekly telephone call. I have a befriender, who is absolutely lovely. They match you with a same sex person with similar interests to you. That could well be a step to making friends outside the home, who could come to you, rather than you having to leave your husband unattended. I am also very sorry to hear about your situation with your daughter and hope this can be resolved very soon. xx

sodapop Sun 18-Aug-19 19:09:07

Sorry to hear of your problems Thumper life must be difficult at the moment. Lots of ideas here, carer's group, WI etc. Do you have help with caring for your husband? If so then maybe you could volunteer occasionally with something totally removed from caring where you would meet others. I hope your daughter changes her mind about contact with you.