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Unsure when to leave

(71 Posts)
SANDY2020 Mon 13-Jan-20 18:12:25

I will condense this as much as possible I've posted already but got such good advice I thought I'd air another worry .
I am in the process of leaveing a abusive partner and moving to my mums I'm unsure when yo leave my dilemma is my partners parents work abroad six months a year and dont come home till end april and my partner has very poor mental health stress anxiety etc hes not very good with anything Bill's money etc I do it all work housework household Bill's budgets everything I even book doctors appointments he is really horrible nasty ungrateful and I'd controlling and has punched me twice in the past I dont love him and decided to leave I can give four weeks notice on my property at any point now and plan to do so and do a flit taking essentials tv sofa beds his I will leave and only few bits mine I am tenancy on property so I paid a month in advance so will leave oueing nothing giving four weeks notice to leave it's just when to go!!!his mum would have to come home early to sort him leaveing me to feel terrible and he will have to sort himself out but will most certainly need their support this is my issue do I stay till april I'm in spare room and we argue so long as he gets his tea cooked and house cleaned he gets his own way with tv hes quiet and ticks along but I cannot stick it i so dont know what to do

Sussexborn Mon 13-Jan-20 18:20:21

If you were my daughter I would say get out now and let your partner take responsibility for him. What will happen if one of his parents are taken ill or some other unforeseen event occurs. He sounds like an unpleasant individual who has never learned to take responsibility for his actions.

rosecarmel Mon 13-Jan-20 18:52:46

I understand your compassion for his dilemma as well as concern for his parents work schedule- But you answered your own question as to when, when you said: "I cannot stick it"-

Whenever you are ready to leave, you will- Have a discussion with your feet and convince them to follow your heart and your head- I wish you all good things going forward-

Grannytomany Mon 13-Jan-20 19:13:11

I’m not sure why, if you are the tenant rather than him, you’re the one who’s leaving. This might be easy to say I know but shouldn’t he be the one who leaves? Possibly to his parents’ house?

Might another option be for you to temporarily go to your mothers’, paying the rent in the meantime to keep your tenancy, and then, when your partner’s parents come home in April, insist that he leaves? This would also give you the opportunity to test the water living with your mother without burning any bridges.

BlueBelle Mon 13-Jan-20 19:35:44

If you ve stuck it for years then I d wait and go in April when his Mums home to help him adjust, but that’s me

Hithere Mon 13-Jan-20 19:43:26


Yennifer Mon 13-Jan-20 19:44:08

Go, don't look back. Stay safe x

sue421 Mon 13-Jan-20 19:51:01

Your safety is paramount...

Ilovecheese Mon 13-Jan-20 20:00:32

Leave now. The very instant that he punched you for the first time he lost any right to have his feelings considered. Put your safety first and leave now.

Daisymae Mon 13-Jan-20 21:02:09

Yes, go now and get settled. Enough is enough

notanan2 Mon 13-Jan-20 22:02:50

There are two key times when donestic violence is at peak risk of escalating to murder:
1. When the abused partner is pregnsnt
2. When the abuser becomes aware that their victim is seriously planning to leave them.

Leave now.

annep1 Mon 13-Jan-20 22:07:36

Now. Don't worry about him. Just go asap.

Hetty58 Mon 13-Jan-20 22:13:17

'has punched me twice in the past' !!! Just get out asap. You are not responsible for him anymore!

Oopsminty Mon 13-Jan-20 22:19:15

Definitely leave now

You'll be surprised how capable he'll become without you there to sort him out

And good luck!

ElaineI Mon 13-Jan-20 22:33:56

As soon as you are organised or earlier if you have any doubts you are unsafe. He is an adult and organised enough to be abusive so go without regrets!

SANDY2020 Mon 13-Jan-20 22:42:43

Grannytomeny I'm leaveing as I cannot afford to stay here on a low wage

SpringyChicken Mon 13-Jan-20 23:09:57

You only get one life. Don't waste a moment more on this man. You must not put consideration for his mother before yourself.

BradfordLass72 Tue 14-Jan-20 06:00:56

Go now.

He'll simply have to do all those things you've previously done - or get into debt.

Make sure you terminate all the financial responsibilities for utilities and rent and leave a letter for him (take a copy) telling him to sign himself up to the tenancy, gas, electric, phone etc.

You could also leave details of the local CAB or any help agencies (church, welfare etc) ...... and then go and don't look back.

sodapop Tue 14-Jan-20 08:49:43

Leave now Sandy there comes a time when you have to take care of yourself and you are there now. It does you credit to still care but your safety is most important. Good luck..

notanan2 Tue 14-Jan-20 12:58:59

Leaving DV is messy. You will never have all the ends neatly tied up first. You are lucky that you have sonewhere to go so please dont delay x

notanan2 Tue 14-Jan-20 13:00:32

You know, making you feel that his welfare is your responsibility is part of DV control!

You cant solve that. You can only walk away from it.

Phloembundle Tue 14-Jan-20 14:01:36

Go before YOUR mental health is ruined.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:05:38

Punched twice!! Why are you giving him a second thought, Get out ASAP and good luck

Susieq62 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:05:50

For once in your life, put yourself first. You have done enough. Just go!! You only have one life, live it!

Hazeld Tue 14-Jan-20 14:05:57

Why are you still there? Get out now and be safe.