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What to say and not to say

(14 Posts)
Donkeisaac Sat 04-Apr-20 10:33:23

Need to contact my 18 yr old grandson whom is terminal and in critical care with Leukemia,I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing part of me wants to do the proper nana video and the other part wants to do me! Dry joker hiding the pain any ideas if anyone else has had the misfortune of last conversations with I’ll relatives thanks I. Advance

Pikachu Sat 04-Apr-20 10:40:10

Sorry no advice except perhaps make one of each and watch them a few times then decide.

Big hugs. This is one of the worst things that can happen to a grandparent ???

rafichagran Sat 04-Apr-20 10:47:43

Very sorry. I agree with what was said above.

Izabella Sat 04-Apr-20 10:52:17

He will need to know (to actually hear) you love him. Perhaps a reminder of the wonderful things he has achieved in life. Acknowledge he will always live in your heart. Favourite music? MEssages from his mates? Thats the sort of things I remember relatives doing. Above all go with your heart

M0nica Sat 04-Apr-20 11:11:42

I assumes he knows he will die soon, what is his reaction to it? Use that as your guide.

But what a tragic situation to be in flowers

Witzend Sat 04-Apr-20 11:20:14

I’m so very orry, Donkeisaac, how desperately tragic for you all.

What I’d say I don’t know - except how much I love him and always will. And if he wants or is able to talk, to listen to how he’s feeling, and offer whatever comfort might be possible.
xx

maddyone Sat 04-Apr-20 11:24:07

I am so very sorry Donkeisaac. I would tell him how much I love him.
This is a terribly tragic situation for you and your family flowers

Grannybags Sat 04-Apr-20 11:31:36

I would tell him I love him but as a family who always do the dry jokes to hide the pain, as you mentioned, I'd have to do a bit of that as well. If he knows you well enough he'll know whats in your heart.

It must be unbearable for you flowers

PamGeo Sat 04-Apr-20 11:32:48

Very sad to hear this Donkeisaac I'm not sure how much time you have for the message but if you have some could you contact the hospice or palliative team looking after him .
They usually have bereavement support for families to help you with this kind of thing, to find the tone of your message as much as the words you want to say.
Other than that, if you can't access anyone, I'd suggest you just be your normal self whilst letting him know how much you have loved having him in your life and what joy he has brought you. flowers flowers

sodapop Sat 04-Apr-20 12:41:16

I'm so sorry too Donkeisaac what a tragedy for such a young man.

I agree with PamGeo she had very good advice for you. thanks

EllanVannin Sat 04-Apr-20 12:55:15

Be as upbeat/ ordinary as you possibly can be. Ask if he contacts his pals or plays music and games online with them.
Then tell him what you're up to or have been doing and that you're always thinking about him.
I feel your pain and sadness during this time.flowers

SueDonim Sat 04-Apr-20 13:21:35

Donkeisaac I’ve no suggestions to add but couldn’t just pass by without saying how sorry I am. Such a tragedy. flowers

Sussexborn Sat 04-Apr-20 13:28:58

Perhaps tell him you will be there for his parents and any siblings. He may be concerned for them. Is there any music your family connects with or something that you know he loves?

So sorry that you are having such a horrendous time amidst all that is going on in the wider world.

Xx

Roses Sat 04-Apr-20 13:53:59

I have no advice I'm sorry,but just want to tell you that your post is the saddest I have read

I hope you can take comfort from the memories you have
And one day smile instead of cry when you think of him

Sending love and hugs x