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The trouble with Gransnet

(69 Posts)
Artdecogran Tue 07-Apr-20 15:39:07

I have been on Gransnet for about a year now and it has not been at all how I expected it to be. My comment is partly prompted by Gransnet asking for people to comment on it. I think I joined it because I needed someone to chat to, to ask questions and get support. Looking back I think I was naive. I have had support and most welcome it was too but that is often countered by unnecessary sniping and harsh comments. Posters often seem to delight at sniping at each other and forgetting the thread theme. It also seems that some famous figures invite nothing but bile and derogatory comments and yet others for no discernible reason can do no wrong. I have thought about the different attitudes and think it’s because I was naively expecting everyone on here to be my friends. After all, we have friends because they mostly share our opinions, have similar interests and have history together. If they disagree it tends to be noted in a subtle caring way. It’s taken a while for me to notice that Gransnet is just a group of people with disparate experiences etc that are not ‘on my side’. I have been reduced to tears by some of the sniping that goes on, not only to myself but to others. Then again that is the trouble with the written word, it is just black and white. I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. I am not criticising as such, just saying what I feel.

Nonnie Tue 07-Apr-20 15:45:39

Feel free to say what you like, it takes all sorts .......

I don't think it is as bad as when I joined, then I felt there was outright bullying. In my innocence I wrote what I thought was a far less direct post than yours and was told things like 'if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen' and other such insensitive comments. Now I have learned who to avoid and also which threads to avoid.

Marydoll Tue 07-Apr-20 15:54:04

Artdecogran, I'm so sorry that's has been your experience of GN.

In my opinion, GN is a snapshot of society: there will be people we like, people we don't take to, people of the same mindset and those who are not, kind people and nasty people, people whose glass is always half full and those who feel that life will always be full of sorrow.
That's just like real life.

I have been at the receiving end of some nasty comments and my life made miserable by a particular poster, however in amongst all that, I experienced great kindness, empathy and support from posters. I have laughed and cried with posters, moaned and groaned with the best of them.

Over time I have made some lovely virtual friends, some of whom I plucked up courage to meet in person and never once regretted it.
When weighing it all up , I decided I was better, with, rather than without GN.

Perhaps you are just on the wrong threads, why don't you give it another chance?

quizqueen Tue 07-Apr-20 16:05:17

I joined gransnet when we were in the middle of Brexit and I thought I would find kindred spirits as we are, generally, of a similar age. How wrong I was! I make my comments here on topics I feel strongly about and then I don't return to that thread so it doesn't worry me one toss what people think of me; I have just said my piece.

AGAA4 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:07:41

I do understand what you are saying Artdecogran. Unfortunately the the nasty,sniping comments can stand out but there are a lot of kind caring people on here.

I just try to weed out the negative ones and concentrate on the kinder positive posts.

The snipers rarely have anything worth saying anyway.

CherryCezzy Tue 07-Apr-20 16:10:19

There lies the rub, so to say.
You have discerned yourself that there are different attitudes.
Then you go on to say that we have friends because they mostly share our opinions, have similar interests and have history together.
A mixed bunch of people is just that - mixed. Not everyone on here will have the same opinions etc etc etc etc. Society in general is a conglomerate of people from all walls of life. There are differences between people. There are different personalities. I could go on and on on this "thread". Gransnet is no different.
There are some people in life that we, as individuals are never going to get on with and others (outside of family) we come to cherish. This social network, which Gransnet is is not an exception to this.
There are so many people who post on Gransnet it should mean that there are posters you feel affinity with.
I've only been a member for just over a month. Some posters have been on Gransnet since it's inception.

Charleygirl5 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:16:57

I email 3 regularly- in normal times I meet two different sets of GNs for coffee/lunch and I could not meet nicer people. Like Marydoll I have been on the other end of somebody's nasty remarks so I no longer go near the vast majority of posts and stick close to the ones where I know the posters are kind and decent.

Occasionally I have picked up useful advice and I feel my ex professional opnion has also been well received.

M0nica Tue 07-Apr-20 16:28:32

I think the mistake several of you made was to assume that everybody thought like you.

The people on here all joined on their own, without knowing anybody else and we are as near as you can get to a random sample of older people as is possible. Yes we all have access to smart phone or a computer and we are mainly women, but that is all we have in common.

It follows that you are going to find on GN as near to a representative cross section of people, almost entirely over 50 as it is possible to get. Political opinions will vary from extreme right to extreme left, religious views go from extremely atheistical to profoundly fundamental christian.

There will be people who can discuss contentious issues and keep calm and respect the views of others and others that rant and shout and frequently drown out anyone who doesn't share their views.

On other words the people on GN are a good cross section of the population. What made anyone think that this forum would contain otherwise than that?

annep1 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:29:47

I agree with you Artdecogran. I have been given useful advice and learnt a lot from Gransnet but sometimes all the arguing gets on my nerves. It fills time when I am lacking in energy and very occasionally I post if I feel strongly about the topic. Apart from that I take part in two word games. A couple of people sound pleasant although it is difficult to judge.
But really very few sound like any of the people I know in real life. I don't know anyone who would bicker and insult others as nmany do in GN.

annep1 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:30:37

nmany many

Gemini17892 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:30:50

Don’t give up Artdg. Gransnet needs more people like you.

I like to chat too. I live with a man who doesn’t like to talk much at least about the things that interest me.

I joined about 6 months ago after a book club mentioned it. My first threads were very helpful. I got things wrong and put stuff in the wrong places but I was gently steered in the right direction.

Then I dipped a toe into the more controversial threads and it made me wonder how people could get so het up about certain topics especially those about famous people.

Then you begin to recognise the posters who stir up trouble. I find many of them really amusing. So easily offended. Full of self justification.

My best friend and I don’t agree on everything but we have a great time discussing without falling out.

Don’t go.

lemongrove Tue 07-Apr-20 16:34:15

Gemini you hosted a party at Gemini Towers didn’t you?😃

Artdeco I suppose because we are all a certain age, doesn’t mean we will get on well.Believe me, GN is a lot better than it used to be, and is still better than a lot of fora.Keep posting your thoughts and opinions and don’t be put off.

quizqueen Tue 07-Apr-20 16:37:07

I also never open private messages so, please, can people stop sending them to me.

Juliet27 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:42:20

I’ve been on Gransnet for a year or so but I tend to mainly watch rather than contribute. That way you get to learn the personalities that you’ll get along with and which ones to avoid and then private messaging can create friendships. I have found forums invaluable for broadening my views on many subjects and also made me realise that some of the niggles in life, health and relationships are felt by so many others.

Juliet27 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:43:28

Oh...thank goodness I never private messaged you then quizqueen

oscaro11 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:50:38

I’ve been a member for a short while. Like others, it isn’t quite what I expected but I’ve found interesting articles on pets, diet and exercise and food threads. I like those. Occasionally I look at news and politics but quickly realised there’s some very unpleasant characters on those threads so, unless I feel really strongly about an issue or post, I rarely get involved. I look at it that I wouldn’t go near those people in real life so why do it on a forum. I dip in and out and don’t read things every day. Hopefully, the majority out weigh the nasty minority. I’ll keep looking at things that interest me, steer well clear of those that aren’t worth my energy.

JenniferEccles Tue 07-Apr-20 16:51:25

I’m surprised when some people say they don’t like private messages and don’t open them.

I have had quite a few and without exception they have all been perfectly nice and sent to me to be supportive of something I had written.

In fact I am probably quite disproportionally pleased to get one !It reminds me of when hand written letters were the norm.

Rosina Tue 07-Apr-20 16:53:10

Artdecogran I have posted a couple or times about the few who are aggressive and confrontational. One in particular seems to come and go, I think with different names, but the style (such as it is) is easy to recognise. I am possibly overly polite and would crawl over broken glass not to offend, but there do seem to be those who get some kind of buzz out of stirring up unpleasantness and riling other posters. Strongly expressed differences of opinion I am happy to read - insults and spiteful sniping I have come to ignore completely, and won't engage at all with anyone who can't or won't put their point of view in a civilised way.
I hope you will stay, and enjoy GN as I do,. I like to think that rude comments say so much more about the poster than they do about me and whatever my humble opinion might be!

Hazel731 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:53:31

We all think differently and sometimes that's what makes conversation, take the rough with the smooth. You think posts on here are horrible sometimes then take a look at what the youngsters have to put up with on their chat sites.
If you don't like it then stop using it for awhile, then if you miss it come back.

Urmstongran Tue 07-Apr-20 17:02:26

I like getting p.m’s too JenniferEccles! I had a nasty one once, not long after I joined 3y ago and for a while I was wary when I opened any new ones. But happily, ever since that one meany, they’ve all been lovely!
👋

M0nica Tue 07-Apr-20 17:07:40

Yes, another who enjoys receiving PMs and sending them.

I have never had an unpleasant one and I was quite shocked when someone further up this thread said they had received them.

EllanVannin Tue 07-Apr-20 17:13:31

There have been some corkers in the past who've had the brass neck to report me !! Just because they got het-up about my personal point of view on a subject.

They couldn't/ weren't allowed to openly insult/abuse me on the forum so slyly reported me instead, 2 or 3 times----which gave the impression to others that it was me to blame.
Typical school-yard bullies-----I doubt that they were grans !
I even had a pm that must have been put on repeat as it registered about 20 times. A real nutter.

Maggiemaybe Tue 07-Apr-20 17:15:17

It’s just like real life, as others have said. There’ll be people in your neighbourhood you get on with and others you cross the road to avoid.

Joining a new group like GN is just like moving to a new town, and it takes a while to work out who you want to be friends with and who the dodgy ones are. Stick with us, Artdecogran, the good far outweigh the bad. smile

EllanVannin Tue 07-Apr-20 17:15:32

Speaking of which, I glanced at the " clap for Boris " tweet on twitter---------it's horrendous !

Callistemon Tue 07-Apr-20 17:16:55

Artdecogran
I suppose if you join a large club with many members there will always be some whom you feel you couldn't get on with although perhaps, if you get to know and understand them better you may.

There are lots of threads which are pleasant and supportive so I hope you can try those too.

I'm just off to find a thread on books as I will download some on to my Kindle as I can't go to buy any now. There are more than one I think, helpful and not nasty at all.

I think Mumsnet is worse shock