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Something to make you laugh, I hope.

(40 Posts)
Dinahmo Thu 09-Jul-20 22:18:10

This was sent to me by a friend. I do hope that so,e of you will find it amusing.

> Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. incorrect spelling has been left in.
>
> 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
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> 2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
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> 3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
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> 4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
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> 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
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> 6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
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> 7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
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> 8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
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> 9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
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> 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
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> 11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.
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> 12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
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> 13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
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> 14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
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> 15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.
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> 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
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> 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
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> 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
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> 19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
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> 20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
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> 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
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> 22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
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> 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
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> 24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
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> 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
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>
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> Virus-free. www.avg.com

crazyH Thu 09-Jul-20 22:23:56

Thankyou Dinahmo - I needed that 😀😀

Evie64 Thu 09-Jul-20 22:23:59

Love it, and so of them ring true as well, "Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony." smile

JuneRose Thu 09-Jul-20 22:29:32

I love them! Brilliant.

Alishka Thu 09-Jul-20 23:06:47

Well, it's 11pm and I'm now crying with laughter here. After I read one I'm thinking "this one is the best one EVER! - but then I read the next....gringringrin
Thank you Dinahmo for sharing.

Chewbacca Thu 09-Jul-20 23:18:18

Really very good, thanks for that Dinahmo. grin Number 17 was my favourite!

SueDonim Thu 09-Jul-20 23:21:37

I love the opossums and porcupines! 🤣🤣

Squiffy Thu 09-Jul-20 23:41:01

Mine too Chewbacca!

Thanks Dinahmo! smile

CherryCezzy Thu 09-Jul-20 23:57:59

These are fantastic. I love them all.
Number 12 rings particularly true!

Thank you Dinahmo they are priceless 🙂

Kalu Thu 09-Jul-20 23:58:20

I couldn’t read for tears of non stop laughter😂
Thank you Dinahmo

Gems like these from children are a wonderful tonic.

Bikerhiker Fri 10-Jul-20 00:04:36

Thank you! More like this very welcome.sunshine

welbeck Fri 10-Jul-20 00:17:54

made me laugh.
thanks.

BlueSky Fri 10-Jul-20 00:23:33

Thanks Dinahmo just what the doctor ordered! grin

Jane10 Fri 10-Jul-20 08:06:09

gringringrin

Charleygirl5 Fri 10-Jul-20 08:20:33

So funny- I loved no.25.

Nortsat Fri 10-Jul-20 08:30:35

I am crying with laughter... thank you Dinah

sodapop Fri 10-Jul-20 08:35:34

So funny Dinahmo made my morning love No 3 gringrin

Gajahgran Fri 10-Jul-20 08:36:03

Thank you so much. We are sitting here laughing over breakfast. I would much rather be a Finkelstein than a Phyllistine!

downtoearth Fri 10-Jul-20 08:45:59

So funny I love " Do unto others before they do one to you"
16,25 gringringrin

B9exchange Fri 10-Jul-20 08:53:47

Wonderful, I liked No 10 too!

Greyduster Fri 10-Jul-20 09:08:34

I loved that! It must be awful to have ‘unsympathetic genitals’!😂

toscalily Fri 10-Jul-20 09:21:08

Thank you, a moment of merriment.

Dinahmo Fri 10-Jul-20 12:06:03

I received another goodie today but it's photos of t-shirts with a variety of slogans and I can't work out how to copy it. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know because they are funny. I've tried control C, control V and it hasn't worked.

H1954 Fri 10-Jul-20 12:14:01

Thank you Dinahmo, hysterically funny 😂. I literally have tears of laughter streaming!!!!

LaRia44 Fri 10-Jul-20 12:16:28

Thank You Dinahmo, I was feeling so low. This made me laugh til I cried. Priceless