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feeling deflated and frumpy

(92 Posts)
travelsafar Fri 04-Dec-20 13:32:33

Went to town this morning and bumped into a lady i havent seen for ages. She looked elegant and stood up right, her thick hair was in place and she worn make up. I came away feeling like a frumpy old woman stooped over my walking stick, my hair frizzy from the damp weather, my eye make barely visable behind my steamed up glasses due to the mask i was wearing. She was shocked to see how much i have deteriorated seen last we met and she told me how arthritis had impacted on her mother's life and she'felt' for me. She also revealed she has been taking HRT for years and she swears that is what is making the difference to her. Apparently her mother advised her to take it as soon as possible to protect her against arthritis which runs in their family. How i wish my GP would have let me have it when i asked about it. I have had no other health issues and take no medication other than pain relief. I feel really down in the dumps now, how would you have felt knowing possibly things might have been different.

FlexibleFriend Fri 04-Dec-20 13:57:58

Well to me Hrt is massively over rated, great for those it works for but that's not everyone. I was persuaded to take it by my then GP and the results were disastrous, for me it triggered my auto immune condition which has left me in a wheelchair and wishing I'd never taken it in the first place and I only took it for 18 months max. I went from super fit to a wheelchair and Zimmer frame user in less than 5 years. So maybe you should consider yourself fortunate as you don't know it would work for you and you could end up like me.

lemongrove Fri 04-Dec-20 14:06:15

I think we all have days like that travels when we meet an old friend or acquaintance when not looking our best, and they are dressed up to the nines!
Wasn’t she wearing a mask? No need for make up when wearing one anyway.We have got to the point in our lives when looks don’t matter how they used to, anyway.
If you stoop and cannot help it because of your condition, then try not to worry about it, if your posture can be corrected though, then try and find out what you can do?

sodapop Fri 04-Dec-20 14:09:50

I'm not sure HRT is a universal panacea, certainly helps with some menopausal symptoms but I don't think arthritis is amongst them.
I think most of us are feeling down at the moment travelasfar I'm sure you don't really look like a frumpy old woman. I have a friend who always looks elegant and well put together, no matter how hard I try I never come close to looking as good.

lemongrove Fri 04-Dec-20 14:20:07

Forgot to add, I never wanted to go down the HRT route, and fortunately didn’t need to, not having had an awful menopause ( uncomfortable at times though!)

Kate1949 Fri 04-Dec-20 14:21:43

HRT made my hair fall out.

Luckygirl Fri 04-Dec-20 14:24:43

I too use a stick outdoors; and I always tell myself to stand tall, both physically and mentally. I always set the stick to a height where I can stand up as straight as possible.

Make up? - what is this thing!?

I am sure you looked great - do not be intimidated! Stand tall in your mind! smile

annsixty Fri 04-Dec-20 14:35:00

I am also now resigned to a stick for life but so what?
I haven’t been out on my own, or hardly at all ,now for 9 months, so my appearance features little in my thoughts, I will perhaps make a fresh start when Spring arrives, on the other hand-I may be content.
You friend was rather unkind to comment.

Riverwalk Fri 04-Dec-20 14:51:05

She was shocked to see how much i have deteriorated seen last we met and she told me how arthritis had impacted on her mother's life and she'felt' for me.

Cheeky cah! She should have kept her thoughts to herself.

Callistemon Fri 04-Dec-20 15:00:52

I agree with Riverwalk.
She is obviously rather smug, travelsafar and I am sure you are much nicer than her.

When I read your thread heading
Feeling deflated and frumpy
I thought 'well, I'm feeling rather inflated and frumpy' due to an injury stopping me from moving around a lot.

Missfoodlove Fri 04-Dec-20 15:30:21

It’s never too late!
Have a make over and see your GP.

Casdon Fri 04-Dec-20 15:43:26

I think what you feel matters, travelsafar - physical issues are unavoidable, but I think looks and clothes really do matter, whatever your age, but for yourself not for other people.

I don’t agree with the idea that not wearing make up is okay if that’s what you would do under normal circumstances, I always feel better if I know I’m looking the best I can, not making an effort makes me feel like a frump too - the good news though is that you can do something about it next time, and you’ll feel great that you did.

Toadinthehole Fri 04-Dec-20 16:04:34

HRT isn’t a magic solution. It can be disastrous for some people, as in Flexible’s case💐. As far as I know, it has no impact on arthritis, just osteoporosis, a completely different condition. You saw her on one occasion, and the same for her with you. If you bump into her again, the whole situation could be reversed.

rafichagran Fri 04-Dec-20 16:14:22

I am sure you looked fine. She really did not need to comment as someone upthread posted it makes her sound smug.

Greeneyedgirl Fri 04-Dec-20 16:42:17

HRT definitely isn’t a wonder drug. I take HRT and it has made no difference at all to my osteo arthritis which I have inherited. Many medical conditions, and how we age, are genetic and out of our control.
Do not beat yourself up over it. Be kind to yourself, and think of your positive attributes. We are not all the same thankfully, and smart looks are no indication of a person’s worth.

Lavazza1st Fri 04-Dec-20 16:53:18

So sorry you're feeling that way. She does not sound like a nice person to make you feel like that.

Puzzler61 Fri 04-Dec-20 16:56:24

That lady sounds a bit smug travelsafar as another gran said.
I’m sure you have looked very nice when you have seen this lady before. Lockdown has left many of us not looking or feeling our best. Arthritis is debilitating and doesn’t allow us to always walk tall.
If it would lift your self esteem - and not for anyone else - treat yourself to a salon hair doo, or new makeup, try a new perfume or anything else you fancy that will cheer you up.
I bet one day you will bump into her and she won’t be on the “well groomed higher ground” IYKWIM.

V3ra Fri 04-Dec-20 17:24:30

My Mum was put on HRT when she developed osteoporosis.
It helped with that but she then developed breast cancer and needed a mastectomy so it's a tricky balance.

Treat yourself to a lovely glamorous colourful hat to protect your hair from the damp weather, maybe some nice gloves to match, and next time you see this tactless lady put your best smile on and be ready for her ☺️

EllanVannin Fri 04-Dec-20 17:36:53

I was told many years ago by my then GP that HRT would cause ovarian cancer as the hormone would over stimulate the ovaries and cause mischief. It caused breast cancer in a friend of mine and kidney cancer in another. These ladies had always looked top notch in every way----but sadly not any longer.

EllanVannin Fri 04-Dec-20 17:49:15

Travelsafar, I wouldn't worry if I were you as genuine people accept you for who you are and not what you look like.

kittylester Fri 04-Dec-20 18:01:53

There is always someone, isn't there, who makes us feel bad. We have a slim, blond neighbour who fkits around looking fabulous in skin tight leopard skin leggings - but her conversation is limited to things like 'your cats dont know what to make of my red boots!'

I'm sure you are a fabulous person and she had no business making you feel uncomfortable.

Whitewavemark2 Fri 04-Dec-20 18:07:52

kittylester

There is always someone, isn't there, who makes us feel bad. We have a slim, blond neighbour who fkits around looking fabulous in skin tight leopard skin leggings - but her conversation is limited to things like 'your cats dont know what to make of my red boots!'

I'm sure you are a fabulous person and she had no business making you feel uncomfortable.

I second kitty’s last sentence.

dragonfly46 Fri 04-Dec-20 18:16:48

Oh kitty that made me laugh out loud. I just imagined her in her leopard skin and red boots!

Kate1949 Fri 04-Dec-20 18:19:29

How rude and hurtful. I know someone who always looks fabulous but boy does she know it. She's not rude but has said the occasional thing. Such as when we were leaving a works do, she announced to everyone 'I picked up the wrong coat. It was Kate's. It was so big I looked like a clown' shock I'm not particularly big by the way, 14 ish, and was probably smaller then.

Eviebeanz Fri 04-Dec-20 18:26:54

Your "friend" sounds like a witch - how mean! Do something for yourself that makes you feel good and never mind what she thinks.