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When you have misjudged someone.

(17 Posts)
Missfoodlove Sun 24-Jan-21 10:14:47

The thread on class got me thinking, I hate to define anyone by class, I think you should judge by behaviour.

Last year we took our granddaughter to a local beach, we were so lucky it was a hot day and very few people around.

Once we had set up camp and got settled two heavily tattooed women with numerous plastic bags arrived with 4 children and a Staffordshire terrier.

We were all ready to move bit decided it would be too obvious.

We observed the two women interact with the children so well, they organised games and competitions, they took it in turns to supervise the children in the sea, no mobile phones were out!
Their lovely children asked if our granddaughter wanted to use some of their buckets ( COVID prevented them playing together)
It was such a joy to observe.

I felt totally ashamed as I had expected loutish behaviour.

jusnoneed Sun 24-Jan-21 11:02:41

My eldest son is a biker, tattoos etc and he used to have eyebrow pierced and always wears black/biker boots. He is also an engineer so stained skin on his hands from the oils they use. One day I went into local town with a friend and stayed outside a shop while she went in. My son was walking up the street so came across to say hello. My friend walked out of shop behind him and stopped, mouthed the "is everything ok?" silently, looking worried and nodding her head towards him. I then introduced her to my lad lol.
She was telling our group of friends about it the following evening, how lovely he was and said that she really shouldn't of judged him.

Redhead56 Sun 24-Jan-21 11:35:28

I don’t judge people on how they look as we are all different and how we present ourselves is our choice. I treat people as I find them and usually sense a persons vibes.

What you see is what you get! down to earth people are my preference. I don’t like fake snobs I have sisters like that who forget where they came from.

timetogo2016 Sun 24-Jan-21 11:41:40

I agree with everything single thing you wrote Redhead.

downtoearth Sun 24-Jan-21 11:47:46

Redhead and * Timetogo*....thats mesmile

NotSpaghetti Sun 24-Jan-21 12:00:46

I misjudged someone quite badly once.

She had the most awful life which I won't go into - but had brought up lovely, lively, well behaved boys. She was a warm, kindly woman, thoughtful and generous, was a survivor of the most terrible abuse. I was working in a professional capacity and defended her (over an incident I could not believe she was involved in) against my manager and my manager's manager.

Much later I was proved wrong. I did apologise in person to my manager (and her manager). They were both extremely gracious.

My own manager remains the best I ever worked with. Later, when I was in her position, leading a team but uncertain what to do, I'd think "what would she do".

eazybee Sun 24-Jan-21 12:49:40

My mother asked me to deliver an important letter once in a fairly rough area; I forgot so was delivering the letter quite late in the evening in a panic, and I couldn't find the house. I was aware of two men in a beaten -up car watching me as I went down back alleys and unkempt paths, the second time I returned to my car one man got out, came over and tapped on the window. I locked the door before opening the window,
'We've been watching you' he said, 'you look in a state. Are you all right? Can we help?'
I felt very guilty for misjudging them; even better they knew the address, which I would never have found.

sparkly1000 Sun 24-Jan-21 13:59:28

Nursing on an orthapaedic bay of 6 (nobody actuallu poorly but in plaster) we had a Hells Angel patient.

His mates would visit every evening and as most of the elderly gentleman had no visitors they would sit and chat with them too.

One night I glanced in the bay and 5 out of my 6 patients had disappeared!

Panic over when I found them all in the day room with 5 burly Angels. They all had a portion of fish, chips and mushy peas, there was a card school in progress and in the middle of the table a bottle of Jack Daniels, all provided by the Angels.

And they were angels as far as we were concerned.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 24-Jan-21 14:09:22

No. I don’t judge people by their appearance. Years ago I was standing in a queue in front of me was a young girl who was wearing all black piercings etc leather she fainted, despite there being 4 other people in the queue also I was the only one who went to her aid, woman behind said oh I wouldn’t touch her she might be on drugs! I was furious,

LauraNorder Sun 24-Jan-21 14:12:12

I am always the suspicious cynic, sometimes right, sometimes wrong but happy to apologise and happy to admit when wrong (also capable of gloating when right).
Orlin completely opposite sees the best in everyone but has been duped, to his cost, a few times.

varian Sun 24-Jan-21 14:17:54

I came across a rather unsavoury looking chap unexpectedly on a building site. I'd not seen him before and, because of his rough appearance, tatoos, peircings and the rollup hanging from the corner of his mouth I wondered whether he was up to no good. He didn't see me so he picked up a screwdriver, got on with his work, and started singing "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam"!

lemongrove Sun 24-Jan-21 15:31:48

It’s easy to misjudge a person ( either way) because of the way they look, dress, sound, but until further evidence comes your way, it’s all you have to judge with.Anyone who looks potentially like a threat is all we have to go on ( and have seconds to decide on sometimes.)

sodapop Sun 24-Jan-21 15:49:30

grin that made me chuckle varian So unexpected.

Tweedle24 Sun 24-Jan-21 16:03:20

Again on an orthopaedic ward, the patient was a young girl with a spinal problem that meant her staying with for almost a year. Her friends were a group of scary looking young men with tattoos, leather jackets etc. They were a delight. Often, if we were busy over a mealtime, they would offer to help some of the less able patients with their meals. I was talking about music with some of them and remarked that I rued the day my collection of Buddy Holly LPs was stolen. The following day I was presented with a cassette of all the music he had recorded.

After her discharge I was invited to a presentation in a local hall where, for the ward, I was presented with a sizeable cheque to buy equipment for the ward and, for myself, a huge basket of flowers. They had taken up a collection among their friends.

NotSpaghetti Sun 24-Jan-21 16:03:37

I didn’t think this was a “judge by appearances” thread - sorry if I’ve misunderstood.
I took it to mean misjudged in any way.

varian Mon 25-Jan-21 18:15:20

Why not Not Spaghetti ?. Surely judging by appearances is a very common way of misjudging people?

NotSpaghetti Mon 25-Jan-21 20:34:58

Just explaining why my comment wasn't about the way someone looks varian.
I suddenly felt I'd got the wrong end of the stick! Not being critical!