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Losing my friend because of vaccine, Feeling very guilty

(53 Posts)
JeannieB44 Tue 26-Jan-21 12:52:10

My husband is 74 with ill health and I am 66 with health problems. Last week my husband was offered the vaccine and as his unofficial carer (we do not claim carers allowance) they offered me the vaccine too, I did not ask for it and was very surprised to be offered. I realise how very fortunate we are and that others may not be happy that we had had it. I told my supposed best friend who proceeded to tell me how unfair the system was the general assumption being I should have refused the vaccine, not even sure she was happy my husband had had it. One of her children had it because their job is connected to the health service but she mainly works from home and I was pleased for her. If the position had been reversed I know without any doubt I would have been happy for her to have had it. I felt undecided what to do and now feel really guilty. I honestly feel I will lose a friend over this.

rosie1959 Tue 26-Jan-21 12:56:02

Not much of a friend in the first place.
Dont feel guilty about making a sensible decision.

biba70 Tue 26-Jan-21 12:59:22

this is silly, the vaccine would have probably been wasted- you are close to the age range and with health issues- so makes total sense. Please don't feel guilty.

Septimia Tue 26-Jan-21 12:59:44

Even though there's a system in place, there are bound to be anomalies where people get the vaccine out of sequence for one reason or another. I don't think you should have refused it since you have health problems. Also, it might have been one of the situations where the vaccine couldn't be returned to the fridge and needed to be used up.

I know of several couples with a difference between their ages and one has had the vaccine and the other not. That seems daft to me since they're living in the same house. Vaccinating couples together makes sense.

It does make it a bit annoying for other people who are still waiting, though. However, the sooner people get the vaccine the safer it is for all of us and if some folk seem to get it a bit out of turn at least it is progress towards a safer life for us all.

Trixii Tue 26-Jan-21 12:59:46

Your husband is more important than a friend who makes you feel guilty. I think you did the right thing.

Peasblossom Tue 26-Jan-21 13:00:33

There have been threads from people who have been upset when friends/neighbours have told them how they have got the vaccine when they themselves are anxiously waiting.

Is it possible you came over a little bit gloaty and a bit insensitive to her anxieties? Just a thought.

Peasblossom Tue 26-Jan-21 13:01:04

Of course you did the right thing, anyway.

Charleygirl5 Tue 26-Jan-21 13:01:07

I agree, not a friend worth keeping if that is her attitude. It makes sense as you are your DH's carer to have been vaccinated at the same time.

Smileless2012 Tue 26-Jan-21 13:03:55

Don't fee' guilty Jeannie you did the right thing in accepting the vaccine, and who is to say your friend wouldn't have done the same thing in your position.

Good news for you and your husband. If you do lose your friend over this I agree with rosie that she wasn't much of a friend to begin with.

EllanVannin Tue 26-Jan-21 13:10:14

That's no friend, is it ? I loathe begrudging people.
See to yourselves and blow what others say.

MayBee70 Tue 26-Jan-21 13:10:39

There’s a lot of this happening. A dear friend of ours phoned us the other day to say she’d been vaccinated and that her friends were saying she’d jumped the queue in some way, even though she’s in her eighties. She’s always kept herself very fit: used to be able to walk far more than I can, but says lockdowns have resulted in her losing her fitness. On top of that her daughter is a nurse and having her mum vaccinated is one less thing for her to worry about. She was obviously very distressed by what her friends had said and it made us very angry. We reassured her that she had done nothing wrong and that we were relieved that she was on the road to being protected. This pandemic is, in many cases, bringing out the worst in people.

lemongrove Tue 26-Jan-21 13:17:53

I agree Maybee in many cases it has been bringing out the worst in people, but like any bad situation ( war etc) it also brings out the best in some people.
I agree with others who say the friend isn’t much of a friend to be so begrudging.

Sarnia Tue 26-Jan-21 13:18:29

My 34 year old son-in-law had a Pfizer injection a few days ago. He works in cancer research and the hospital next door to them had a few doses of vaccine left over at the end of the day.
They rang his research lab and asked if anyone would like their first injection. It was either that or waste them, which would be criminal in my opinion.

aonk Tue 26-Jan-21 13:20:35

Yes I agree that the pandemic can bring out the worst in us. I have a good friend in her 60s who visits and looks after her very elderly parents. She is most upset that she hasn’t been offered the vaccine and is now saying that she will cancel her parents’ hospital appointments until she gets it. We’ve known each other for years and so know she’s very anxious about all health concerns. She only has her weekly chat with me to get her worries off her chest. I’ve decided not to be annoyed but just to say nothing. I’ve never known her to be like this before.

Alegrias1 Tue 26-Jan-21 13:20:37

You did absolutely the right thing Jeannie. I think unpaid carers are in a high priority group anyway, I'm sure someone will be able to say. Doesn't matter though, the offer was there, and you took it up, and quite right too. Every person vaccinated is another step towards the end of this. flowers

I find it hard to understand people who haven't been vaccinated yet getting upset with people who have. We all want it as soon as possible but we're getting through the groups lightning fast, so none of us will have that long to wait.

LauraNorder Tue 26-Jan-21 13:21:16

You did the right thing. Who amongst us would turn down the opportunity when given (anti-vaxxers excluded).
Anyway the more people, of whatever age or circumstance, are vaccinated the better for all of us. Please don’t feel guilty and if you lose this rather selfish friend so be it.

eazybee Tue 26-Jan-21 13:22:21

I can't believe the childishness that the distribution of the vaccine is engendering. As someone said, not much of a friend. I was pleasantly surprised to be offered the vaccine just after my 75th birthday, but have been cross-questioned by some as to whether I am clinically vulnerable, clearly they don't think I am entitled.
I am more more shocked by people who have been offered it and refused because they don't like the venue, ten miles away, no transport problems; they want it administered at the local surgery.

Hetty58 Tue 26-Jan-21 13:24:58

JeannieB44 This situation certainly reveals the characters of friends and relatives that we thought we knew so well.

I've been so disappointed by the selfish, thoughtless, uncaring attitudes and actions of others.

It's her loss - not yours!

Sarahmob Tue 26-Jan-21 13:25:05

I think that with the vaccine feelings are running high because it’s something that we are all longing to have. Having said that, I see nothing wrong in you being offered it at the same time as your husband and don’t think you should be feeling guilty.

M0nica Tue 26-Jan-21 13:49:53

Your husband has health problems. You are his carer, not unofficial carer. Whether you claim carers alowance or not, you are, completely and officially a Carer.

Of course if your DH has health problems and there is a vaccine available then if one has it the other should as well.

Nothing to feel guilty about. But I would be looking twice at any friend of mine that reacted like yours did.

Iam64 Tue 26-Jan-21 13:55:05

Your friend isn’t a good friend to upset you so unfairly
I’ve just had my appointment. The surgery offered my husband the vaccine at the same time, tho he’s a bit younger than me

GillT57 Tue 26-Jan-21 14:11:47

You did the right thing, the decision was made by the medical professional who offered the vaccine to you. Sadly, this pandemic and associated vaccine has brought out the worst in many people, possibly because there is so little going on in people's lives. Ignore your friend, she may already be regretting her outburst anyway.

FarNorth Tue 26-Jan-21 14:14:38

I hope your friend gets over her jealousy about this.

I think the general chaos caused by the virus and the shambolic government's efforts has left many people feeling quite distressed as they want some certainty about something.

We've been told rules about how the vaccine is to be given and then it seems rules are being broken. That may have led to your friend getting upset about your vaccine, quite irrationally.

I agree with everyone here saying that of course you were right to accept the offer.

Sue500 Tue 26-Jan-21 14:18:10

Have to agree 100% with you.

Deedaa Tue 26-Jan-21 14:18:35

You were absolutely right. After all if you became ill and, God forbid, died someone would have to be paid to look after your husband. Or if your husband became ill he could be very sick and take up a hospital bed for a long time. It makes absolute sense for you both to be vaccinated as soon as possible.