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Christmas with Family which turned into disaster

(127 Posts)
Ponymoore Thu 25-Feb-21 11:35:14

My daughter, husband and one year old grandson came to stay for Christmas. Initially for two weeks, my daughter didn`t lift a figure to help in the first few days, just after boxing day I had enough and I had a few words to say to her, She grabbed our grandson and said I`m not staying here no more and they went home. She said she was annoyed with me for going on at her. Since she has gone home things have been very strained due to her listening into conversations of my husband and I talking about her (she had been listening into our security camera which she had installed to watch her son in the bedroom). She didn`t like the things that was been said (even though she was invading our privacy). Now she had said she dosen`t want anything more to do with her Mum and Dad because of this and won`t apologise and I was in the wrong for the things we said about her. I feel she shouldn`t have listened in but she won`t apologise. What can I do to as it is most upsetting.

Sara1954 Thu 25-Feb-21 11:42:41

Well I can’t believe you’ve found yourself in a situation where your daughter can listen into private conversations, and why under the current regulations, were they coming for two weeks?

Bibbity Thu 25-Feb-21 11:44:34

I’m sorry but she has zero high ground here! What type of psycho does that?! How dare she? I wouldn’t have let her utter a single word after disclosing that she has been spying on you!

M0nica Thu 25-Feb-21 11:55:31

Do you mean last Christmas? if so that flagrantly breached all the COVID rules.

As to what you can do, you could both apologise to each other, you for inviting her for Christmas in breach of all the rules and risking giving her and her family COVID and she could apologise for illegally listening into your conversations with your husband.

What she did broke every sngle moral law of privacy confidentiality and respect.

When she visits again insist she cannot bring any monitoring device of any kind with her.

If my daughter acted like yours, it would seriously damage our relationship for a very long time because all my trust in her would be gone. Some behaviour is totally and completely unacceptable - and this is an example.

Ponymoore Thu 25-Feb-21 12:27:03

The reason my daughter came down because she was starting a new job and will eventually be moving down when her house move goes through.

Esspee Thu 25-Feb-21 12:38:11

Starting a new job doesn’t mean you can ignore the rules.

cornishpatsy Thu 25-Feb-21 12:38:39

Do you mean she up the camera to listen to you or that she heard you so stayed and listened.

Either way, if you were negative about her then maybe you do not like her. I would not want to be with people that do not like me regardless as to how I knew about it.

gt66 Thu 25-Feb-21 12:58:31

I can see fault on both sides.

Apart from breaking covid rules (I had to cancel my plans to visit my daughter) she was a guest in your home and if you wanted help, then you should also have included your husband and son in law in the conversation.

Your daughter had no right to install a device that enabled her to listen to private conversations in your home, however, maybe with some time to calm down, she may take on board what you thought of her, grow up a bit and realise she shouldn't take you for granted.

BlueBelle Thu 25-Feb-21 13:38:32

Your family shouldn’t have been with you for two weeks

I have no understanding of what device she can be listening to private conversations on but what ever it is needs binning, that’s no way to live

No advice for you as it seems terribly inappropriate on both sides

Rosie51 Thu 25-Feb-21 13:48:18

It may or may not apply in Ponymoore's case but the bubble guidance was expanded on December 2nd 2020 and I quote from the Government website You can form a support bubble with another household of any size if:

your household includes a child who is under the age of one or was under that age on 2 December 2020

I commented at the time how very fortunate for Boris Johnson that the age fitted perfectly for his own family circumstances!

BlueBelle Thu 25-Feb-21 14:00:38

I thought that was for 5 days not a 2 weeks holiday rosie

silverlining48 Thu 25-Feb-21 14:01:23

I think the device was a baby monitor and yes you can hear from downstairs what is being said to anyone upstairs. It’s what it’s for, to hear when the baby wakes but if you have a conversation with someone upstairs that will be heard by anyone downstairs too.

Luckylegs Thu 25-Feb-21 14:05:56

Get rid of that thing out of your house immediately! Hope to goodness you’ve already done so.

Rosie51 Thu 25-Feb-21 14:07:54

BlueBelle I didn't look that closely blush probably because at the time I was just annoyed and felt it had been engineered with Johnson's family in mind. I expect you're correct about 5 days, but too many don't even seem aware there was this exemption.

Redhead56 Thu 25-Feb-21 14:32:19

It sounds as if there is more to this really maybe a strained relationship? Could this be an over reaction to your comments and an overheard conversation via the baby monitor. This is easily done without being deliberate on your daughters part. I don’t think apologies need to be necessary I would just try my best to mend the problem. I personally would be upset if my daughter fell out with me.

grannyrebel7 Thu 25-Feb-21 16:49:02

What did it matter if she didn't help you? She was your guest. My daughter is exactly the same and I couldn't care less. When I visit her I don't do anything either. What a silly thing to fall out over and I'm sure the baby monitor thing was accidental. Just make it up with her, life's too short.

Redhead56 Thu 25-Feb-21 17:33:32

I agree grannyrebel7 also if I had something to say to my daughter who is twenty eight now. I would say it to her face and she would expect me too as I am very direct.

Ponymoore Thu 25-Feb-21 18:12:40

She had the app installed on her phone whilst down at our house, so when she went home she listened into our conversations without us realising.

Tea3 Thu 25-Feb-21 18:16:23

Do you want to see this person any more?! There must be laws against this sort of eavesdropping. My daughter can be a right pain but even she would draw the line at spyware.

BlueBelle Thu 25-Feb-21 18:34:25

So can this app listen in to you wherever up you are in the house I didn’t know this could happen How ???

silverlining48 Thu 25-Feb-21 18:48:10

So your daughter can listen to your conversations at your house by using an app on her phone at her house? Wow!

Grandmabatty Thu 25-Feb-21 19:00:48

Another unlikely tale

Sara1954 Thu 25-Feb-21 19:03:07

This if it’s true is very scary, I can’t believe it can be legal.

Katie59 Thu 25-Feb-21 19:22:31

We all say things in what we thought was private that we would not want to be overheard.
Wether listening in is ethical is irrelevant, they have been said and heard, it was not intended to happen, regrettably the rift is likely to be lasting. In your daughters eyes what you said was very upsetting and offensive.
One of my cousins was overheard criticizing her sisters husband and they havn’t spoken since - 10 yrs, the reaction was completely over the top but that’s the way it is.

Sara1954 Thu 25-Feb-21 19:29:05

I’m sure if we all went around eavesdropping on people’s conversations, we would all hear things we’d wish we hadn’t.

Family, friends, colleagues, at times I’m certain, that we all rub somebody up the wrong way, and I’m sure they discuss it.

A device to eavesdrop on your family is asking for trouble.