Mothers and Mothers in Law

My MIL was difficult to get on with not friendly at all. My husband and I bought a house together with my in-laws when we got married we live in the top flat, if my Mum called round my MIL would answer the door and without acknowledging my Mum would call up the stairs “someone for you”.
Needless to say they didn’t socialise ever, if we had a children’s birthday party my in-laws would come around after everyone else had left. She was a strange one my MIL. ?

My parents never socialised with my Inlaws ,they saw each other at christmas at our house but that was it except for two christenings .I dont think its odd ,they didn't have much in common so why would they? Just because our children marry someone doesn't mean we need to be best pals with their family .

Fortunately my parents and in-laws lived over 200 miles apart and met only twice to my knowledge. They had nothing in common which, as we were married abroad, I hadn't realised until we came back to Britain and had children; otherwise I might never have married XH.

My mum and MiL didn't get on at all but they were polite to each other on the few occasions they met.
They were completely different people but my dad and FiL seemed fine with each other. They were both married to very strong minded women!

My in laws didn’t get on with us at all, including me......
DDs weddings and that was all the socialising they did with my family over the 35 years that my parents were alive. They didn’t even go to my parents funerals, just said ‘oh I don’t think so thankyou’.
My brothers wife’s parents became best of friends with my parents,( even after his marriage went pear shaped) and remained so until my parents died.

I don't see why in-laws have to get on. My mum met my in-laws a few times, but that's all. I don't think either felt any obligation to the other. When they did meet things were cordial, but not over friendly.
When my daughter married I only met her in-laws the night before the wedding- we have met a few times since but we are not interested in each other's lives. I don't know them that well and don't feel the need to.

I dont see why the parents from both sides have to get along.

Strangely enough my estranged Dils parents are lovely people and I'd have no problem spending time with them again. Yet my DDs partner's parents are a living nightmare and even though for hers and his sake we would never refuse to spend time with them the thought of it makes me grit my jaw. Those events require great self control, valium and a good amount of decent gin.
My mother liked my husband and his mother far more than she liked me!

“My mother liked my husband and his mother far more than she liked me!”

NellG ?

My DM and MIL never got on. In all fairness DM was a difficult person and never got on with a lot of people but MIL was not the most tactful of people either. They lived either side of London so there was not much chance of them meeting but trouble really started when our DD was born. We invited them both for 1st Christmas/1st Birthday etc They never asked for suggestions for presents and whatever one bought the other had bought a larger version. It finally came to a head at our son's Christening. Neither could be pleasant to each other and ruined a happy day. We vowed they would never get together again until our DD and DS got married.

I suspect my mother would have done the same as OP's.

It didn't arise, as my MIL had died before I met my husband.

I find it rude and discourteous to your husband that your mother refused to visit if his mother was there, but rather that than her coming and being rude when there.

That was precisely what happened on the only occasions ( daughters' christenings) where my sister invited her MIL and our parents at the same time.

My husband has never met our son’s mother in law I’ve only seen her couple of times?☹️But then we hardly see our son although we’re only 40 minutes away!

When I got married I moved to England where my ex husband was from. Every time my parents came to stay my MIL had to stay too. She lived 5 minutes away! It drove my poor dad nuts as I couldn't get time alone with my own parents, she cried if my ex even asked her to go home a day early to give me at least one day alone with my mum and dad. She was a nightmare. MIL had me all the time, but I saw my own mum about 4 times a year. My ex got a new job and we were able to move back to where I was from and MIL had to move with us. My mum and I had to sneak out for the day cos she would of sulked like a child cos she didn't get to go too. Glad they are both 'ex' now.

My mother didn’t like my mother-in-law, I suspect she was jealous because I did like her.
I’m not best buddies with any of my sons in-laws. We have a nice time with them at family gatherings but that’s all.
The only thing we all have in common is family, so we stay within those bounds.

My parents and my in laws didn't like each other. They only met once or twice. I couldn't get on with my in laws at all. Mind you, my husband didn't much like them (his own parents) either and got on much better with mine. Both sets of parents long gone now.

I think things went wrong when MiL said to my mother that she didn't know why all the fuss was being made about me, personally she felt she looked far nicer - this was coming out of the church on my wedding day - not the thing you say to the bride's mother I guess!

I'm pleasant to my dds in-laws because I'm fond of my sil and they're his parents. We don't meet up often even although they moved to the same village as me! I like his dm and dgm but I cannot stand his df - an unpleasant man who shows off and engages in competitive grandparenting. I smile through gritted teeth.

I'm not sure if that's so unusual. My parents met my Mil and Fil only once before our wedding. To my knowledge they never met again. They didn't move in the same social circles and had very little in common. It certainly was never a problem or caused any friction in the family.

My mother and MiL only met for special occasions as they lived about 250 miles apart. If we hosted Chrismas my mum would stay with us and the inlaws came but stayed the night in a B&B nearby. They would only be with us for Christmas day and Boxing day whereas my mum would stay for longer as it was more of a distance to visit and she saw us less frequently. They didn't have a lot in common but were always civil.

I have a lovely DiL and I really like her parents and many others in her family. We have lots in common and I like seeing them, although we don't meet often as they live quite a distance away. I was invited to stay with members of her family even before my son married her and in some ways I feel more part of her family than my own, as I'm divorced and my own parents are no longer alive. I see very little of my other relatives - they all live a long way away - while my DiL's family are all very close to each other and meet up regularly. Her granny keeps in touch with me too, as well as her parents. I don't suppose my ex will have a lot of contact with the in-laws though.

My DM and MIL got on with each other really well. My MIL adored me and my two children as soon as we met. It was what she had wished for had finally come to fruition a DIL and GC.
I knew my now second husband for years as a friend through family. I had started working with him for a couple of days. I had recently divorced he had a few partners but had not met the “one”.
My husband is a from a different background to me and an only child. That meant no difference to his DM despite other relatives not liking the union. I gained a wonderful MIL and the best GM anyone could wish for. We would have /both DMs over for tea and we would go shopping together. When my MIL became ill my DM and I would sit each day keeping her company. It was a time in my life that I shall never forget now they have both gone.

My DDs Mil seemed ok before the wedding but cracks soon began to show ie: Christmas is non negotiable, she has to have her 4 boys with her - leaving me, at the time recently bereaved alone (in the end I went away that year).
She completely took over the wedding arrangements, dressed to match the table decs. Sat herself & sons at the front for the ceremony leaving me, The Mother of the Bride to squeeze in at the back. Then said it wasn't a formal ceremony!
DDs friends commented to me how odd but I never said a word to DD.
This is why I don't think Mil is so lovely but will never mention it to her.

I guess mine were fine when they saw each other at things we organised but that was onlybat family stuff we organised. But they had their own lives and friends so didnt socialise otherwise.

Gosh this has got me thinking now! My big son lives with his GF, they bought a house together during lockdown and it needed a huge amount of work. Both us and the other parents have spent a lot of time there doing the renovation, us weekdays as we'd just retired and them at weekends (we left a day between visits due to covid and didn't mix with anyone actually at the house). We've never socialized with them and the kids have been an item for 10 years now, since they were 16. We don't not get on, they are lovely, but we've just not had reason to socialize beyond odd chats in passing over the years. Makes me realise we must be a bit weird.

I always knew my mum regarded my mil as a threat to her as, I eventually came to realise, she regarded most women including my sister and myself.

It was very sad as she seemed resentful of any woman who looked as though they had more opportunity or money than herself. Those she felt did not quite meet her standards were, embarrassingly, treated to her best line in patronizing condescension.

I now realise that she, an only child, probably suffered from an inferiority complex where every woman’s status was minutely examined and ranked against her own.

This led to her being quite lonely. She seemed incapable of making and keeping women friends as she always felt friendship was a competition. Any friends she had were those made with my father and they disappeared pretty quickly after he died.

She told me her initial dislike of my mil was because she wore hats! A symbol my mother felt somehow signified a woman of superior status to herself! The dye was set from that first meeting and continued until my mum’s death.