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Oh please help me Wise Women of GN

(100 Posts)
FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:09:33

Oh woe is me. I would honestly really appreciate your advice.
I will probably post this in small segments because I keep losing stuff.

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:20:06

Hello, please be kind.
DH and I are in a right old state.
I have got terrible issues with arthritis and spinal problems. I can barely walk.
DH was hospitalised with pneumonia last year. He must have had Covid, but never tested positive. He had been so poorly. He was only just starting to drive again. He was looking forward to taking our dog a walk.
I was looking forward to him pushing me around the park and us going for a drink in the local when they open.
He's just had the vaccine and hes back at square one. He got stuck in the bath today for 30 minutes as he didn't have the strength to lift himself. It was so scary as I couldn't help him at all.
He has no strength in that arm, he can't even lift a cup. We've both been in tears today

Sar53 Sun 28-Feb-21 19:23:57

FannyCornforth, I don't have any advice, I'm sorry, but my heart goes out to you both xx

Franbern Sun 28-Feb-21 19:26:02

Perhaps a proper assessment needs to be made of both of your requirements. Carried out by adult social services. You might need to have carers in once or twice a day, perhaps need a walk in shower instead of a bath. Why should you need 'pushing' you around the park? Electric wheelchairs or (IMO) even better electric scooters will give you independence for getting out and around. Lots of aids at home could also help you. A hot water boiler instead of a kettle, mugs with handles both sides, so many items.

INstead of sitting down and sighing 'woe is me', contact you GP and ask how you can go about obtaining proper advised help.

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:27:03

Thank you Sar. I really appreciate it. I feel like I'm in such of a pickle xx

Riverwalk Sun 28-Feb-21 19:28:59

I'm sorry things are so bad - my one bit of advice for now is you should call 111 if he gets stuck in the bath or similar. Ambulance staff will help him get out.

grandmajet Sun 28-Feb-21 19:29:00

I’m so sorry for you, you must feel so helpless. Do you have a good GP who can help and support you both? Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Smileless2012 Sun 28-Feb-21 19:29:52

Oh Fannycornforth what an awful situation for you and your DH to find yourselves in.

The only advice I have is that you contact social services who will be able to do a home visit, assess your difficulties and the help you to apply for any services that will help you.

For example, bath aids are available to ensure that neither of you would find yourselves unable to get out of the bath. He may be able entitled to some physiotherapy to help him regain some use of his arm which could include exercises to help re build some strength.

You must contact them asap to find out what help is available and what you're entitled too.

Please come back and let us know how things are goingflowers x

grandmajet Sun 28-Feb-21 19:29:54

Sorry, crossed posts. Sending a hug.

Artaylar Sun 28-Feb-21 19:31:01

A claim for Attendance Allowance might help.

Here is the Age UK factsheet on AA.

Good luck to you both with everything, it must be a really scary time for you both.

Casdon Sun 28-Feb-21 19:32:08

Oh dear*Fanny Cornforth*, I’m sorry, that sounds so hard. Did your husband have the vaccination very recently, is his arm without strength due to the effect of the vaccine, because if so he should be much recovered shortly? If that is the case and he hasn’t already he should take paracetamol to help. If it’s not that, I agree you should contact your GP in the morning to ask for an assessment as it sounds like you need some help for a while.

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:32:16

Franbern it's happened so quickly.
I'm 'only' 49. I suppose that I should have made that clear.
But then I don't know if that's relevant.
To be honest I don't know what I should say and what I shouldn't say to anyone.

Blossoming Sun 28-Feb-21 19:33:43

If his arm is sore/weak due to the vaccination it will wear off in a few days. I have one permanently weak partially paralysed arm so I have any vaccinations in that arm. Then I still have one useable arm.

Getting out of baths is easier if he gets onto his knees, there are loads of YouTube videos showing how to do things like this. A shower would be even easier.

Is this likely to be a temporary state of affairs?

Kandinsky Sun 28-Feb-21 19:35:33

Ring your GP in the morning & explain the situation to her. Maybe there is some sort of home help available ? So sorry you’re going through such a tough time.
Do you have much RL support? Friends or family local?

Artaylar Sun 28-Feb-21 19:36:39

Oop sorry FannyCornforth, in posting the advice on Attendance Allowance I'd assummed you were over state retirement bad.

For people aged under retirement age, a benefit called Personal Independance Payment can be applied for.

As with Attenandance Allowance, this is a non means tested benefit.

Age UK have also published a fact sheet about this benefit

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:37:58

Thank you everyone.
I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. thanks

Artaylar Sun 28-Feb-21 19:40:02

Sorry FannyCornforth, losing the plot here and send you the wrong link in my last reply.

Here is the Age UK factsheet on Personal Independance Payment.

EllanVannin Sun 28-Feb-21 19:45:26

Oh dear, fancy being so unwell to the point of being unable to help each other like that. I feel so sorry and would certainly be telling the GP in case a predicament like this happens again.

Msida Sun 28-Feb-21 19:47:05

FannyCornforth You need support.. You need carers.. Was the weakness just due to pain in his, arm from the vaccine

You need to call your Doctor immediately really, let them know that you both need support sweet heart

NellG Sun 28-Feb-21 19:49:47

Hey Fanny, I'm sorry you've had such a rotten time today, and hope you're both resting and recovering now. I was wiped out for a week after the vaccine, felt fine initially but then like I'd been hit by a bus. I had covid last year and I've been told there might be a connection between previous infection and quite a 'big' reaction to the vaccine. But it does pass. He needs to take it easy for a few days and it will slowly ease.

First Aid, should it happen again...Tips for getting stuck in the bath... three towels, empty the bath, put one round his shoulders, one in the bottom of the bath under feet as far back as you can, and one along the edge, hanging over. Obvs one is to keep warm, the other two are for grip. Half the strength needed to get out goes into trying not to slip, so once there is some traction it gets a bit easier. Also, with the towels it's possible to turn over if necessary and get up first onto knees etc.

I dont know if you have any, or if it's suitable but basically any decent painkiller will help - so as long as he isn't on anything else that will clash, don't be shy of taking what's needed.

Until he's feeling better, a chair by the sink and an 'armpits and charm pits' wash might be advisable.

As for you, a good cry, a damned good rant and a bit of realising that most of the time things can solved by a bit of ingenuity and channelling your inner MacGyver. Then tomorrow maybe a chat with the GP regarding an OT assessment and some physical aids?

Best wishes, hope you're both feeling a little better now. x

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:52:06

Casdon he is suffering really badly with RA as he is unable to take his RA medication due to him having Covid and pneumonia.
It's a vicious circle.
Franbern I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in January 2020. I was told that it was what you would might see in someone in their 80s. The HCP s could not understand why it was so bad. Since then I've had no treatment. But I've had an MRI and I've also got spinal stenosis.

welbeck Sun 28-Feb-21 19:53:28

you do not necessarily need careworkers.
but you do need to have the equipment that is suited to your needs.
an accessible shower perhaps, and other adaptions/mobility aids.
ring GP and ask for a community OT to come and do an assessmnet. emphasise urgency. tell them you both do not feel safe.
unfortunately electric wheelchairs are very expensive.
you wont get that on nhs; hard enough to get a basic one.
if he or you get stuck agian, call ambulance.

FannyCornforth Sun 28-Feb-21 19:53:58

NellG you are amazing! Thank you, I shall go to bed now thanksthanksflowers

cornergran Sun 28-Feb-21 19:57:11

I’m so sorry fannycornforth. You both had dared to hope for positive change on the horizon. Don’t despair, progress can still happen. Being in constant pain yourself is debilitating, it wears you down physically and emotionally, it’s not surprising this felt just too much. Please take the advice offered by others. Phone your surgery in the morning, ask for assessment for support. Please hang on to hope, your husband can and will improve again. A hug from me for you both.

BlueSky Sun 28-Feb-21 19:58:36

Sorry to hear of your difficulties Fanny. As others have said a walking shower would be a great help, we swear by it. Could you finance it yourself for speed? Otherwise Social Services should be able to have it installed for you. Again electric scooters are the way to go, you could regain a lot of your independence, various second hand ones on the market make them a lot more affordable. Good luck!