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Hurtful comment, never forgotten

(96 Posts)
Shinamae Wed 28-Jul-21 12:34:45

When I was about 15 (68 now) I was in a café in Woolacombe with a friend and these two guys came up chatting to us and one of them said to me “bloody hell you’ve got ugly feet”I was wearing a pair of Dr scholls at the time. I had never realised but he was quite right my feet are ugly so now I never wear sandals.… obviously I have never forgotten that comment.. strange how something like that has never left me even after all these years.Always had flatfeet and fallen arches,I remember going to a clinic when I was younger where they tried to get me to pick up cotton reels and pens with my toes also had to wear awful shoes that were meant to correct the problem but never did and now I have a bunion as well, pretty feet they are not!

Blossoming Wed 28-Jul-21 12:40:34

He had an ugly mind. Feet are for carrying us about, they don’t need to be pretty.

DillytheGardener Wed 28-Jul-21 12:49:45

I had a similar comment about my hairy arms when I was about 24 (they are fair but lots of hair, thanks dad). I started shaving them and now thankfully have had them lasered off.

Mapleleaf Wed 28-Jul-21 12:51:49

That was a very unkind and uncalled for remark from that young man all those years ago, and it's so sad that you've carried it with you all these years and refused to wear sandals as a result of his thoughtless, throwaway comment. I wish you could find the strength to bury that comment and wear some sandals during this hot weather- your feet will thank you. Hard though it is, try not to worry what anyone else might think about your feet, and really, it's unlikely that anyone is going to notice, but I understand why you would feel otherwise. We are drawn to our own perceived imperfections, many others wouldn't see them in the way we do. 💐💐

Shinamae Wed 28-Jul-21 12:55:25

Thank you Mapleleaf, I think it’s quite amazing how I always hang on to the negative and tend not to remember the positive, I really need to work on that. No way I will wear sandals because really my feet are hideous..

Callistemon Wed 28-Jul-21 12:55:48

Always had flatfeet and fallen arches,I remember going to a clinic when I was younger where they tried to get me to pick up cotton reels and pens with my toes also had to wear awful shoes that were meant to correct the problem but never did and now I have a bunion as well, pretty feet they are not!

Me too, Shinamae. Diagnosed when I was about 8
Years if picking up pencils never worked and I reeled and wore high heels in my teens and twenties.
I was told by an orthopaedic surgeon I have long ligaments and there was nothing he could do.
Orthotics help a bit but not greatly.

Thank goodness trainers are fashionable now.
I do wear sandals but don't care what anyone thinks any more.

Da Bella Widerfit shoes do sandals with removable insoles so you can fit your own orthotics.

Riverwalk Wed 28-Jul-21 12:57:09

All feet can be made prettier!

I never bother with a manicure but do like to have the odd pedicure and sort of do them myself in between.

If you have bad nails and hard skin go to a podiatrist and after that try and keep on top of any problems and have the occasional pedicure.

It's a pity to miss out on wearing sandals in the hot weather because of some toad's comment all those years ago.

Callistemon Wed 28-Jul-21 12:57:31

Goodness, typos (my stylus is as flat as my feet).

Years of picking up pencils never worked and I rebelled and wore high heels in my teens and twenties.

Callistemon Wed 28-Jul-21 13:02:31

They may not be the most glamorous, Shinamae but they are cooler than trainers in hot weather. Their removable insoles have an arch support (not enough for me but ok).

Forget his crass remarks and rise above!!

www.widerfitshoes.co.uk/sp+ladies-ladies-sandals-georgina+geor8

Granmarderby10 Wed 28-Jul-21 13:18:07

I love my size 8 feet with toes like fingers - they stop me from falling over 😊. But can never get bargains in the sales they’re always size 5s Shinamae I never could get on with those scholls, or flip flops - they were marketed as good for your feet weren’t they? All I recall is the horrible clacking noise of them, plus worrying that I would lose one somewhere inconvenient. As for the hurtful comment made by those boys when you were 15 I suppose now you’d just tell ‘em to get knotted! Imagine what those lads look like now, he was just doing what many charmless males of all ages do ie. deflecting from their own social inadequacy by making you feel bad about something you had no control over. Wear your sandals with pride Shinamae

shysal Wed 28-Jul-21 13:20:42

A couple of unkind remarks have stuck with me.

When working with a very loud, outgoing young woman, she told me, a quiet shy person, that I was a nothing and a nobody. It hurt and I have never forgotten. I am still the same but don't care what anyone thinks of me!

On another occasion I was jogging past a pair of men when one remarked to the other 'Look at the arse on that!' I only remember because I was very amused. At the time I was a well toned size 10-12!

I also have ugly feet with bunions and crossed toes. I wear comfortable Skechers walking sandals in the summer which look awful but again I don't care.

Madgran77 Wed 28-Jul-21 13:29:46

The one I remember is when I got a very good promotion to a high level managerial role. A close family member said

"Oh well, you always did have the gift of the gab!"

Never forgotten it.

Madgran77 Wed 28-Jul-21 13:30:12

PS Agree about Skechers Shysal

timetogo2016 Wed 28-Jul-21 14:05:09

I was told when i was around 11/12 years old i have footballers legs,from that day to this i wear all types of trousers and maxi dresses.
It really did hurt me even 50 years later.
I brought my boys up to think before you say anything that can hurt someone.

BlueBelle Wed 28-Jul-21 14:23:15

I wore glasses as a child ( 11+ ) no one said they didn’t suit me but they would ask to try them on then go “gosh can’t see a thing’ in an incredulous voice and pretend to do a sleep walk
I saw my self as very ugly and was very shy and lacking in confidence and very self conscious I look back on photos now and see I was actually quite a pretty child glasses or no glasses I have worn contacts since I was 30 as soon as they became within my grasp to buy to be honest
Yes it never leaves you does it ?

Callistemon Wed 28-Jul-21 14:31:25

I've just taken a look at Skechers sandals and unfortunately they would be of no use to me with my dropped arches as they are open on the inner side.
I do wear Skechers trainers, they're very good..

I'm not sure if the sandals would suit you, Shinamae but they might.

JaneJudge Wed 28-Jul-21 14:35:35

I remember holding my friends Mum's hand on the way home from school and she said 'god your hands are dry, you have such old lady hands' and since then I have always thought my hands were horrible! strange isn't it confused

justwokeup Wed 28-Jul-21 14:46:42

After I was told I was hopeless at dancing I jigged around self-consciously for years and hated going to places where dancing was expected. I finally decided I would completely give up trying and feel much better sitting at a table by the dance floor, happily resisting any attempt to get me on it.

Millie22 Wed 28-Jul-21 14:47:58

When I was a teenager I was really quite slim and had all the comments like don't walk over a drain and in December one year I was told I needed fattening up for Christmas.

Kittye Wed 28-Jul-21 15:44:31

timetogo2016 I’m the same about my legs. Some boy made a remark about my skinny legs ( as they were then ) 60 years ago and the remark stayed with me all this time ☹️

SueDonim Wed 28-Jul-21 16:17:56

My brother commented in a not-complimentary way about my legs when I was a teenager and I’ve been self-conscious of them ever since. Ridiculous, really, but cuts can be deep and leave scars.

Dinahmo Wed 28-Jul-21 16:30:57

Two hurtful comments, not about me but concerning my pets. We had a cat that used to get constipated. Occasionally he would have to be cleared out under at the vets who advised us that he should have part of his colon removed because too many anesthetics could kill him. So we did. At first there were a couple of explosive incidents and this friend told me I should have him put down. This was a friend who would leave her own cat alone in her house without arranging for it to be fed when she went on holiday.

The second was when my OH was in France and I was in England. It was my birthday and I had to have one of dogs put to sleep. When my OH met up with her he told her about my dog and she just laughed.

I've never forgotten those incidents and no longer regarded her the same way.

MayBee70 Wed 28-Jul-21 16:39:19

timetogo2016

I was told when i was around 11/12 years old i have footballers legs,from that day to this i wear all types of trousers and maxi dresses.
It really did hurt me even 50 years later.
I brought my boys up to think before you say anything that can hurt someone.

I was told that I had ‘good strong walking legs’ when I was 17. It was an elderly chap I walked past on my way home from the beach ( I lived miles and miles from the beach back then). Maybe he meant it as a compliment.? It didn’t seem like one at the time. I think someone else once described my legs as tree trunks as well. I’ve never worn shorts since schooldays. As I got older I’ve tried to make a point of complimenting people when I can ( but only if I really mean it). It can brighten someone’s day, week,life….

MayBee70 Wed 28-Jul-21 16:43:48

Crikey. I’d actually forgotten as well the first time my husband (ex) saw my legs. He was camping in a field where I was living in a caravan at the time. He told me that he’d told his friend he quite fancied me but then saw me walking across the field from the showers wearing a short’ish dressing gown and they both turned to each other and went ‘yuk’.

Redhead56 Wed 28-Jul-21 17:30:05

I was an organiser for school fundraising nights arranging everything including the food. I was talking to a lady who asked me a few questions. An acquaintance of ours turned to the lady and said "the lights are on but there is know one at home" I was mortified why she would say that. I gave her a wide berth after that it was company I didn't want. It turned out she was jealous of me and it was an expression she used a lot when drunk.