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In laws at Christmas. Presents ?

(43 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sun 28-Nov-21 08:21:54

Going to son's this year and his in laws are coming too. This happened a few years ago and I bought presents for everyone. It was very embarrassing as they hadn't thought of it and my dil hadn't either.
Should I give them something this year?
Dil never gives me a gift or thanks for mine but I always get her a good voucher or son would be annoyed.She does make a lovely meal.

Grandmabatty Sun 28-Nov-21 08:26:10

I usually buy a gift for my daughter's in-laws as every second year we are with them at Christmas at my daughter and son-in-laws house. It's not anything big. I wouldn't have thought your Dil would have bought you a separate gift. Surely you get something from your son and her collectively?

Allsorts Sun 28-Nov-21 08:38:30

I would treat my dil as I would my son, I couldn’t buy him and not her. You don’t give to receive so why be embarrassed if you gave in laws something, it was a nice gesture but I would keep it simple, luxury shortbread, chocolates or perhaps or a bottle.

kircubbin2000 Sun 28-Nov-21 08:42:07

That's a good idea All sorts. Biscuits would be good.

H1954 Sun 28-Nov-21 08:43:33

I simply don't understand all this extended gift giving! Let me try to explain; n my opinion, buying for adults goes something like this........hyperthetically, I goe to the shops and spend £30 on a gift for each my adult family members, each one of them does the same, on Christmas Day we potentially end up with loads of stuff we either don't want, like,or would ever use! Who benefits?..........the traders!
OP, instead of feeling obliged to buy for the in laws why don't you offer to supply some really good wine for the day or an extra special box of chocolates to share round?
Gifts for children are different in my mind but the endless buying for adults when you know you'll feel aggrieved afterwards plus all the stress and expense just doesn't make sense to me.
Instead of a personal gift for DS and DIL I would be tempted to give them a joint gift too, you might get more acknowledgement from DIL that way.

Kim19 Sun 28-Nov-21 08:45:58

I would give to whoever I wanted to irrespective of what they gave me. It is very helpful to know who will all be attending.

J52 Sun 28-Nov-21 08:47:28

In your situation I would give a small gift as Allsorts has suggested.
Your DIL is another matter, not thanking you for her gift is extremely bad manners. We get gifts from our DS and DIL jointly from them and little gifts chosen by DGCs. ( which can be quite amusing)
I’m of the opinion that it is better to give than receive, so continue with your kindness.

love0c Sun 28-Nov-21 08:47:45

I had my son's Mil literally dropped on us three days before Christmas. We rushed out and bought her some lovely M&S PJ's. We weighted on her hand and foot the whole time. Our present was a bar of Cadbury chocolate. She does have another daughter and a son. They did not want her for Christmas and she probably wonders why. We will not make the same mistake again.

love0c Sun 28-Nov-21 08:48:41

I might add we were absolutely exhausted!

Maria59 Sun 28-Nov-21 08:50:44

We go to sons for Christmas lunch and so do his in laws. I take wine and desert for the meal. I give in laws shortbread chocs and wine.

Chardy Sun 28-Nov-21 08:51:28

Give daughter hers at the start.
For his in-laws, buy vouchers. Keep them in your bag. If no-one has bought you anything, don't get them out.
(It's the embarrassment all round when there's no exchange, not the irritation that that you weren't thought of imo.)

Lucca Sun 28-Nov-21 09:10:10

love0c

I had my son's Mil literally dropped on us three days before Christmas. We rushed out and bought her some lovely M&S PJ's. We weighted on her hand and foot the whole time. Our present was a bar of Cadbury chocolate. She does have another daughter and a son. They did not want her for Christmas and she probably wonders why. We will not make the same mistake again.

“Literally” dropped on you ? Hope she’s not a large lady.

mumofmadboys Sun 28-Nov-21 09:20:39

If she had bought you Cadburys chocolate was that not a present? Does it matter if gifts cost different amounts? Of course not.

NannyJan53 Sun 28-Nov-21 09:22:36

H1954 is spot on.

We agreed in our family 3 years ago to not buy for the adults, just the children. Much easier, and less stress!

Peasblossom Sun 28-Nov-21 09:25:14

Well I used to have not just my in-laws but my sisters in-laws as well. I used to give her a plant in a pot and him a bootle of mulled wine.

They had Christmas Day at my house for years and never once said Thank You or brought anything 😬

Peasblossom Sun 28-Nov-21 09:26:57

Sometimes she would say “I don’t like cyclamens” or something like that 🙄

mumofmadboys Sun 28-Nov-21 12:23:31

That is just plain rude of them Peasblossom. You should feel sorry for her for being so socially inept!

Peasblossom Sun 28-Nov-21 12:49:54

We turned it into a joke and had a little prize for the person that got the most negative comment 🤭

Lucca Sun 28-Nov-21 12:55:47

This thread highlights just one of the things that make dislike Christmas intensely.

theworriedwell Sun 28-Nov-21 12:56:58

I give my DsIL and SIL the same value (roughly) as I give my own children. I spend alot more than they do as I can afford to.

I always get a combined present from my children plus partner but a separate gift from GC.

I guess every family does it differently.

I am sitting here trying to avoid the table loaded with wrapping paper, scissors, tape, ribbon and presents and hoping they might wrap themselves. It doesn't seem to be working.

Lolo81 Sun 28-Nov-21 17:10:30

There’s no excuse for not thanking anyone for a gift, but I’m a bit confused that DIL doesn’t get OP a gift - I’m assuming that the son/DIL would give a gift from both of them, so isn’t he capable of buying his mum a present?

Riggie Mon 29-Nov-21 12:42:50

I think my mil thinks she gives us equal value. But she defaults to booze and I very rarely drink!! So dH ends up with it all. If I'm lucky she will have got a Ringtons gift box with about 6 biscuits in it so that is mine!!

grandtanteJE65 Mon 29-Nov-21 12:55:49

In OP's place I would simply ask my DIL whether her parents expect to exchange presents with us or not.

That way no-one is embarrassed by receiving a gift from a person they haven't bought anything for, or by giving a gift to someone who feels embarrassed by not having one for them.

TillyTrotter Mon 29-Nov-21 12:59:20

I enjoy sharing and giving to others and would do it as it would give me pleasure. It would be something fairly inexpensive - as suggested already : a nice tin of biscuits, or a box of truffles.
I honestly don’t give to receive.

SecondhandRose Mon 29-Nov-21 13:04:01

As far as we are concerned the children get loads of presents so we always give to adult family. Only at Christmas not birthdays.

I often give to friends and neighbours because I want to and dont expect anything in return.