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To see ourselves as others see us! How do you think others see you?

(113 Posts)
grannyactivist Wed 01-Dec-21 12:29:32

I’m only working half days at the moment as, due to the Severe Weather Emergency Protocol (SWEP), most of my clients are safe and warm having been temporarily housed.

So anyway, with time to think there are several things recently that have prompted me to post. Today’s offering is this: Is there a disconnect between how you think of yourself and how others see you?

Do you have people in your life that you can trust to tell you, unvarnished, how you appear from their perspective? (Possibly excepting GN!) My husband (aka The Wonderful Man) is my ‘critical friend’ and he’s kind but honest if I ask for feedback about how I’ve come across in certain situations.

Yesterday, someone described me as ‘formidable’. Now, I’m often described as passionate, and I accept that as true, but I see myself more as a Miss Honey 😇 than a Miss Trunchbull.😖And that of course is what got me thinking.

Over to you.

dogsmother Wed 01-Dec-21 12:47:51

Don’t know you only from here, but would lots be more like you as I know folk accurately see me as I feel sometimes a d that’s. “ lightweight” I’d love to be more active than passive….
I’m a born sheep who will always follow others wait to be told what to do do ……it exasperates me so goodness knows what others feel 🤷‍♀️

Kate1949 Wed 01-Dec-21 12:50:51

I think there is a disconnection to how I see myself and the way others see me. I see myself as kind, caring, empathetic, non-materialistic and strong (because I've had to be) on the one hand. On the other hand, I am totally lacking in confidence and very anxious and nervous due to life events which has held me back all my life.
I think people who know me understand the way I am. I think people who don't know me so well or don't know my history, think I am kind and caring but also like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Blossoming Wed 01-Dec-21 13:00:12

Physically people see a short, plump, old lady. In my head I see a fit, healthy 20-year old. I have been told I appear strong and confident. Inside I’m a bundle of hopes and fears like most people.

Lucca Wed 01-Dec-21 13:10:13

Physically yes. I see myself as an old lined (not wrinkled ..I dream of just wrinkled) dumpy person but I have been told otherwise . Eg slim attractive stylish .
Personality wise I come across as confident and a bit scary I know but I’m actually a mass of insecurities !!
The only thing I think in common is I have apparently a good sense of humour

lemongrove Wed 01-Dec-21 14:18:40

Well..we just don’t know do we? Even those close to us may not always tell us the unvarnished truth ( do we actually want the unvarnished truth?)
Unless we are vain or need new specs I think we can all see how we look physically, personality wise it probably depends on who you are speaking/ dealing with as to how we are perceived.
I don’t think we are ever the same with everybody.
Somebody may appear a battleaxe at work and a pussycat at home.

Luckygirl3 Wed 01-Dec-21 14:27:10

People see me as competent and coping well after bereavement last year - it is all a front - inside, grief stalks my every waking moment. But what is the point in inflicting that on others? - so the act continues..........

AGAA4 Wed 01-Dec-21 14:31:19

Not sure I want to know. We all have perceptions about ourselves that may not be accurate.
I have been described as emotionally strong, brave, kind, quiet by different people.
I think I just get on with whatever life throws at me as that is all I can do.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 01-Dec-21 15:29:25

My sympathies Luckygirl3 flowers I too am widowed and wouldn't dream of sharing my occasional despair.

As for how others see me - isn't that something that younger people worry about? I feel that as long as I do my best it doesn't matter what others think - I might have tied myself up in knots about it when I was younger but at my age I've made peace with the fact that not everyone will like me and that's all right.

Grandmagrim Wed 01-Dec-21 15:39:19

I really don’t want to know how others see me. It would inevitably bear no resemblance to how I see myself and chances are that different people focus on different aspects. The people who matter know me well enough and keep their opinions mostly to themselves

paddyann54 Wed 01-Dec-21 15:47:50

Lemongrove thats not strictly true,I have had body issues my whole life been a size6 and a size 14 and when I look in a mirror I cant see any difference .I know my clothes are smaller but all I see is a wee fat woman .Legacy from an image concious mother who told me I looked fat in my size 8 dress on my wedding day ....and thousands of other times .Now when I look at old photos I see myself very differently from I did back then.Sadly the mirror is still the same it the wee fat woman who looks back

Lucca Wed 01-Dec-21 16:26:56

paddyann54. Hear hear. My doctor friend has told me that I have body dysmorphia. So not vain or in need of new glasses.

grannyactivist Wed 01-Dec-21 16:48:16

lemongrove I think you make an interesting point about people not behaving the same with everybody. Of course everyone can have an occasional moment when they act out of character, but I do know people whose behaviour can change depending on who they're with.

GagaJo Wed 01-Dec-21 16:53:04

I don't know. It's odd. I think I'm bossy, unfriendly and grumpy. This is confirmed by my DD and my bloke.

And yet. I have no problem making friends. People seem to like me and I don't know why. Where ever I work, I collect friends who stay in touch with me.

Grandmabatty Wed 01-Dec-21 16:56:07

Probably that I'm loud, funny and passionate with a tendency to be tactless. Pretty much how I see me.

MerylStreep Wed 01-Dec-21 16:57:44

My daughter told me her friends think I’m scary 😄 I’ll take that.
She’s always telling my granddaughter not to argue or get lippy with nana because you won’t win. 😄 She’s right there.

Kate1949 Wed 01-Dec-21 17:15:35

Gagajo Your post struck a cord with me. As well as all my faults listed above, I am miserable and unhappy. I too have lots of ex colleagues who keep in touch regularly.

PamelaJ1 Wed 01-Dec-21 18:05:41

I think that the people that come across me think that I am capable, organised and can make things happen.
I only wish I had their confidence.🤷🏼‍♀️

Framilode Wed 01-Dec-21 18:07:02

I am seen as jolly and good for a laugh. I'm not, it's all put on as a way of coping in company. What I am really is a loner who doesn't really enjoy socialising. I am only fully relaxed on my own reading in silence.

Urmstongran Wed 01-Dec-21 18:16:24

I am confident, find it easy chatting with new acquaintances and am lucky in that I have many friends - both here and in Spain (my half & half life). I like to think I’m self aware and mindful of how people are feeling. I listen properly, concentrate and can then remember details of family members and where they are up to in my friend’s lives.

But I hate confrontation. For instance I like all my family to get on well together and it upsets me whenever there is (occasional) discord. I am rubbish at speaking up (in a queue for example if someone pushes in) as it embarrasses me. I don’t know why this is so, considering I’m confident?

love0c Wed 01-Dec-21 18:27:11

Well there's a thought. IMO I have always cared and supported family and friends. Yet have been treated very badly by both. so I guess these people certainly never saw me as I saw myself. sad

Granniesunite Wed 01-Dec-21 18:59:35

My friends tell me Im a leader, quietly confident, easy to approach and able to sort out problems. Im really not I worry about everything. I dont regognised that in myself.
My family know me better and say I need to speak up and be heard im a follower. They're right.
Give me a book, a quiet room and im happy.

HowVeryDareYou Wed 01-Dec-21 20:24:21

A neighbour recently told me that when she first met me (17 years ago) she knew I was self-assured. How wrong she's been all these years - I worry about most things, over-think everything, analyse every conversation. I obviously hide it well.

Maine52 Thu 02-Dec-21 01:58:36

Sounds exactly like ne

Maine52 Thu 02-Dec-21 02:01:55

I am a kind, soft hearted person who always thinks of everyone else before myself. I hurt easily and tend to take everything personally