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Tell us about the hypocrite in your life

(19 Posts)
chocolatepudding Sat 04-Dec-21 14:03:57

Please no political posts. Just an opportunity to rant.

Back in the mid seventies I gave birth to our DD1 only 3 months after we had got married. Three days later PIL visited me in hospital with my DH. MIL tore into me saying the disgrace I had brought to the family name, what would the neighbours think, what would her employers think and most importantly what would members of the WI think of us? She was heard by all the other mothers and visitors on the ward and she stormed out, not even looking at her GD.

I was in tears but I have never forgotten the kindness of the other mums and the nurses who comforted me.
This taught me not to judge people and if you have an opinion to keep it to yourself.

Fast forward 20 years and DHs brother (the golden boy, the favourite) announced that he and his girlfriend were expecting TWINS! Wow, congratulations etc! They moved to be within 15 miles of us and MIL's home. I did my best to be friendly to his DP as she knew no one locally and I tactfully offered to help with the twins, housework, shopping etc. One day MIL announced that the couple woulod be getting married after the twins were born, my answer - a non commital oh. I was not going to make any comments on that subject. The twins arrived by C section and were doing very well in baby care.
The devil in me wanted to phone MIL and ask if she needed a lift to the hospital so she could give the new mother a piece of her mind as she had done to me. Of course I didn't do this. I just felt what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. I knew then what a complete hypocrite my MIL was.

Anyone else got a good story to tell?

Sago Sat 04-Dec-21 14:30:15

Oh I’ve a pearler.

Old friend of my in in-laws was widowed with no family, we helped her in many ways over the years, I even went and cleaned her filthy house with her cleaner and a friend, we had to wear masks!

She was so nasty about anyone that had a child before marriage (myself included) she once said she would never adopt because she would be bringing up somebodies bastard child.
She once referred to a single mum as the whore with the bastard child.

She was an outrageous snob and bigot as was her late husband.

When she died, her senile sister asked if we had contacted her daughter, my husband said no she didn’t have children but the sister insisted she did.

The sister was right, she had a daughter at age 18 in 1950 who was adopted.
We are in regular contact with her daughter who is lovely unlike her mother!

V3ra Sat 04-Dec-21 17:30:26

My Mum was being critical of a couple for having a baby and not being married.
I pointed out that my brother and his partner aren't married so my niece, her granddaughter, was in the same situation as the other child.
"Oh but that's different" was Mum's reply 🙄

Urmstongran Sat 04-Dec-21 17:40:43

Actually chocolatepudding (love the name!) I disagree to an extent. Yes, your mother in law was very judgmental and opinionated - but this was the mid-70’s and ‘we did things differently back then’. When you say ‘fast forward TWENTY YEARS’ that’s a heck of a lot of time difference! I could understand your rant if it were twenty MONTHS.
Don’t over-think it. Let it Go as the song says 🎵 🎶 especially as those twins will now be adults themselves!

ginny Sat 04-Dec-21 17:43:36

My MIL has at times been scathing about unmarried mothers. Never heard her views on unmarried fathers !
However I know that she got married just4 months before my husband was born.
I’ve never wanted to make a thing of it so have usually replied’ well there but for fortune go many others’.

Urmstongran Sat 04-Dec-21 17:48:06

Playing Devil’s Advocate here Sago ... sorry. But it strikes me that this vindictive and nasty woman might have turned bitter because she was heartbroken inside that her baby had had to be given up for adoption whilst years later (and less stigma) she might have kept her baby - as the other single mums she encountered as been able to - and was filled with longing and jealousy on some level.

Doesn’t make her remarks acceptable but maybe explains them?

St. Urmstongran

Smileless2012 Sat 04-Dec-21 17:50:06

That's a good point Urmstongran.

GrannyGravy13 Sat 04-Dec-21 17:50:55

Exactly what I thought Urmstongran

sodapop Sat 04-Dec-21 20:27:33

My Aunt by marriage was very religious and wanted to be a missionary. However she would have nothing to do with me as I was adopted and illegitimate. She would not allow her son, my cousin to have any contact with me either.

Chewbacca Sat 04-Dec-21 20:30:43

Indeed sodapop, I've found that those who are the most devout are frequently the most hypocritical.

Urmstongran Sat 04-Dec-21 20:33:58

They must be searching for something.
Humanity perhaps.

VioletSky Sat 04-Dec-21 20:46:01

My husband and I have 5 children.

With my second my husband and I split up for a while and my mother told me at 5 months that I should have an abortion as I would now be a single mother. Our relationship survived and became stronger.

Each pregnancy announcement got sneers and declarations that I was an idiot and an embarrassment.

My mum has has 3 children by different fathers and was a single mother twice, she also has a stepchild.

I don't really care how families come to be as long as they are good and loving and for a long time I could not understand how my mother could be such a hypocrit.

I think the truth is that she was ashamed of her own life and took it out on me. Which is actually very sad

Sago Sun 05-Dec-21 00:10:16

St Urmston I thought the same but sadly she was nasty through and through.
She made her neighbours lives hell.

Her daughter made contact and she treated her abominably, she also told very nasty lies about my MIL.
She told everyone including my mother that the reason my husbands parents adopted him and his sister was because my MIL was likely to have a “coloured child” and it would be too shameful.
The real reason was my FIL had had medical treatment that left him infertile.

Once about 30 ago she tried to tell me about my husbands birth parents, she claimed to have all the information,I asked her to stop as my husband didn’t want to know and I didn’t want to be in a position of knowing more than him.
She looked at me aghast and then just blurted it all out.

MayBeMaw Sun 05-Dec-21 08:05:50

Oh dear- I am sure we all have a story to tell and there may well be stories about us but as Urmstongran says, times have changed and attitudes along with them. Nursing our wrath “to keep it warm “ is a destructive emotion and brings joy to nobody.
Letting things go is far healthier - forgive even if you can’t forget.

sodapop Sun 05-Dec-21 13:20:19

Don't know that I was 'nursing my wrath' as you put it MawBeMaw just commenting on hypocrisy I have found in my own life.
Times were very different then of course.

Poppyred Sun 05-Dec-21 13:35:49

Why are you still talking to her???

GillT57 Sun 05-Dec-21 13:36:06

Gosh, some stonking examples of hypocrisy and judgement, all women too!

Nell8 Mon 06-Dec-21 04:27:18

I don't know if this is a case of hypocrisy or just irony but a friend said to me recently in a superior, schoolmarmy tone "You're very judgemental!"

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 06-Dec-21 10:03:05

My ex MIL tutted at people having babies outside marriage. She and her husband never celebrated their wedding anniversary so one day I asked what date it was. She then fessed up that they’d married a couple of months before their first child was born.🤣🤣🤣