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Modern Weddings

(70 Posts)
SueSocks Sun 08-May-22 12:30:41

My neice got married over a month ago. I only know this as her sister posts everything about her life on Instagram. My sister didn't tell me about it and we were not invited. I am not really bothered about the lack of invitation, wouldn't have gone anyway as I am not comfortable in social gatherings, but it would have been nice to have been told, especially as I contributed a lot financially to both girls growing up!
My other neice posted lots of photos on Instagram, what a shock! In one of my many hours of being unable to sleep I googled the venue etc. Eye-wateringly expensive, £10K for the venue, £70 per head for catering (2 of the options for main coruse were pie & mash or sausage & mash), £3K for the dress, £400 for designer shoes, presents of fob watches for the groomsmen. The wedding photos were like something out of a fashion magazine. Photos included the veil, shoes, bouquet and perfume on a chair, photos of the bride and groom in front of the firework display, no traditional group photos. The happy couple also did a pre-wedding photo shoot in a local beauty spot. I must add that neither my niece or my sister are wealthy!
Are all modern weddings like this? Each to their own but I find this extravagance very over the top, although my sister would love it. Such a huge sum of money for just one day. I am glad not to have been invited, I would have found it very uncomfortable.

Blossoming Sun 08-May-22 12:49:13

I have been to a few weddings like this, and I’ve also been to a few where the wedding was in a small church and the reception afterwards was in a village hall, with family and pitching in to help with decorations and catering. One party was in an old historic barn, family and friends doing the food and decorations and it was fabulous.

I know which kind I prefer smile

Vintagejazz Sun 08-May-22 12:53:11

Yes some wedding have got really out of hand and have become an expensive and long drawn out hassle for the guests.

Nanawind Sun 08-May-22 12:58:27

What happened to a good old knees up.
Bring a plate, lots of children and music.

Luckygirl3 Sun 08-May-22 13:45:09

It does seem that weddings have become such a big thing - not just the day, but all the pre-wedding stuff, including stag/hen "nights" that extend over days and in a foreign country.

I am very relieved that my DDs did not go down these routes - but their weddings were a joy anyway.

Calendargirl Sun 08-May-22 13:54:42

I suppose if people can afford it, then it’s up to them what type of wedding they have. It’s when they can’t afford it that it seems such a waste.

Personally, a simple wedding would be my choice, and I would have thought that lockdown might have made folk realise that you don’t need a big, flash ‘do’ to have a happy wedding day.

TheodoraP Sun 08-May-22 14:06:41

Firstly your sister is a ##### for not inviting you let's get that straight I feel sorry for you to have such a sister, we can't choose our family can we, if we could I would definitely change a few of mine

Yes I agree weddings no a days are nonsense and far too expensive and it's all about keeping up with the Jones AKA Instagram

They do it for show

AGAA4 Sun 08-May-22 15:22:43

My DD had her reception in a field she rented from a farmer. There was a marquee, simple food but plenty of it and her friend made her cake, which was a 2 tier sponge decorated with strawberries, raspberries and blueberries. She made her own bouquet.
We all had a great time and the cost was minimal compared to most weddings.

NotSpaghetti Sun 08-May-22 15:46:42

The wedding venues are very clever in pushing up the offer incrementally though.
They say "do you just want the standard package or would you like to see the platimum/diamond offer?"
"Will you be wanting petit fours after dinner with coffee or are you satisfied with the basic mint chocolate?"
"Will you take advantage of our fabulous floral arch and gorgeous terrace for the bridal photography ahead of the service for a private hour or are you going to have your own photographer find a venue?"

Little by little they creep up the offer until brides feel that without the bells and whistles they are settling on a substandard "special day".

Then comes the icecream cart, the fireworks, additional florals in the entrance hall, bespoke xyz and so on...
They say "most brides now prefer our gorgeous ABC..."

You have to be fixated on what you want and your budget I fear to put up a strong resistance to all this.

HousePlantQueen Sun 08-May-22 15:53:10

If they wanted it and could afford it then frankly it is nobody else's concern. A lot of po faced disapproval on here! To be clear, it wouldn't be my ideal but hey-ho, everyone to their own

62Granny Sun 08-May-22 15:57:25

Bet they are divorced within 5 years.😜 "Fur coat no knickers" used to be a saying many moons ago. On the plus side at least you were not invited as you would have probably felt obliged to give a gift even though you declined the invite.

NotSpaghetti Sun 08-May-22 16:07:03

I do think there's too much focus on the wedding and not enough on the marriage but if they want it and love it and feel good about this start to their new path, it's not for us on GN to be dismissive.

I feel sad that so many seem to get into debt with it though.

Cabbie21 Sun 08-May-22 16:24:04

There is a saying that the more costly the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

Hithere Sun 08-May-22 16:26:00

1. Money does not have the same value as decades ago - $1 can afford different things at different times

2. Past financial contributions and support to the bride does not guarantee an invite to special events
Relationships with the bride or groom do

3. Nowadays, in many cases, brides and grooms pay for their own wedding so they can decide what they want w/o interferences

My parents wedding was way more extravagant than mine, a low key event

4. Pictures of accessories by themselves are standard in every wedding package I see, for years
No group picture? Unusual to me but whatever rocks the new couples boat
Wedding pictures looking like professional fashion pics - also standard, nothing out of the ordinary

5. I see this trend with first communion, they now look like mini weddings.
The truth is, each generation celebrates their events the way the pic and add events to it too

6. As long as the couple was happy, why do you care about them not being able to afford it, price, etc.
It is honestly none of your business

Have you seen the budget for Disneyworld weddings?
Location fee for a ceremony in front of the Cinderella castle is $70k - jaw dropping background comes a a price.

rafichagran Sun 08-May-22 16:32:17

HousePlantQueen

If they wanted it and could afford it then frankly it is nobody else's concern. A lot of po faced disapproval on here! To be clear, it wouldn't be my ideal but hey-ho, everyone to their own

Totally agree, and Theadora why is the sister a #####? Its up to the couple how they spend their money.

Summerlove Sun 08-May-22 16:39:26

62Granny

Bet they are divorced within 5 years.😜 "Fur coat no knickers" used to be a saying many moons ago. On the plus side at least you were not invited as you would have probably felt obliged to give a gift even though you declined the invite.

What a nasty comment.

Just because it’s not your preference - there is no reason to wish Ill will

Hithere Sun 08-May-22 16:42:40

Summerlove

Not the first time we see comments like this when things are not done their way

Summerlove Sun 08-May-22 16:43:52

I know

It’s mind boggling

Casdon Sun 08-May-22 16:53:21

SueSocks I remember you saying that you are estranged from your sister and her children, so I think you need to consider whether that has any bearing on how you feel about the ‘extravagance’ of your niece’s wedding? Surely the couple themselves should decide what they want, who they want to be there, how much to spend, what exactly to spend it on etc.- it’s not for others who don’t know them, or weren’t invited to make judgements. All wedding are different, and personal to the couple involved. If they can afford it, and it makes them happy there’s no harm to anybody else.

rafichagran Sun 08-May-22 16:55:49

Summerlove

I know

It’s mind boggling

Agree, and its nasty as well. Posters who write like this should know better. Personnel choice is just that, and I fail to see why people hurl insults.

Callistemon21 Sun 08-May-22 16:56:46

HousePlantQueen

If they wanted it and could afford it then frankly it is nobody else's concern. A lot of po faced disapproval on here! To be clear, it wouldn't be my ideal but hey-ho, everyone to their own

I agree.

And it is keeping a lot of people in work too.

Callistemon21 Sun 08-May-22 16:58:13

62Granny

Bet they are divorced within 5 years.😜 "Fur coat no knickers" used to be a saying many moons ago. On the plus side at least you were not invited as you would have probably felt obliged to give a gift even though you declined the invite.

Not a pleasant comment.

And how do you know what their financial situation is - only what the aunt of the bride has told us.

Callistemon21 Sun 08-May-22 16:59:36

SueSocks I remember you saying that you are estranged from your sister and her children, so I think you need to consider whether that has any bearing on how you feel about the ‘extravagance’ of your niece’s wedding?

A big Oh!

Thanks Casdon, it sheds some light on the reason for the OP.

J52 Sun 08-May-22 17:08:52

Next month we’re going to a wedding that’s traditional and in a fabulous UK location. We will enjoy every minute of it, as the bride and groom have put together a very special day for themselves and their guests.
The bride is very close to us and we wish them a very happy life together.
I’m happy I’m not footing the bill! 😊

Redhead56 Sun 08-May-22 17:42:25

I went to a few really lavish weddings that ended in divorce with in two years. I am convinced they were both just for the show off factor.