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People who won’t tell you what they want and expect you to guess

(56 Posts)
Nanamar Thu 19-May-22 16:32:21

Why do people do this? They won’t tell you what they want - which cake for a birthday, what restaurant to go to, what kind of gift they’ed like - and then act disappointed when you go on your own and decide. I hate stereotyping but am I wrong in feeling that this is more a feminine than a masculine behavior!

MissAdventure Thu 19-May-22 16:36:11

My ex (male) was a master of this kind of thing.
It drives me spare; I find it insidious and unpleasant.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 19-May-22 16:45:37

I find men are the worst at saying what they would like for birthdays or Christmas. I’ve never had the disappointed treatment though. That is ill mannered.

Blossoming Thu 19-May-22 16:48:35

Mr. B is a master at this. Luckily he has always approved of my choices so I haven’t had to murder him.

Elizabeth27 Thu 19-May-22 16:57:12

So irritating especially when the what do you want for dinner is answered with anything.

I chose every evening meal we had for 12 years, except when eating out, that is still over 4000 meals!

ginny Thu 19-May-22 17:03:08

I actually find it is much harder to get a male to decide. Often they can’t be bothered to take time to think about it. Of course if the then complain , that is just plain rude.

winterwhite Thu 19-May-22 17:06:22

Was it Victoria Wood who said that husbands always answer Yes to 'Do I look OK in this?', if answering No risks being made to look at 4 alternatives.

grumppa Thu 19-May-22 17:09:52

The only possible answer is You look marvellous in everything, darling.

Aveline Thu 19-May-22 17:12:30

Sometimes I just don't know what I want! I don't need anything in particular for birthday or Christmas. DD is very good at coming up with good presents that I'd never even have thought of.

Blossoming Thu 19-May-22 17:21:40

I like your style grumppa grin

sodapop Thu 19-May-22 20:54:54

When asked I tell my husband there is nothing I want. Disappointingly that is what I get. smile

Honeysuckleberries Thu 19-May-22 21:05:08

I think it is sometimes a test to find out a) how well do you know me? B) how much am I worth? C) how much effort have you put in.
My mother in law was an expert in this. She’d always say in a pitiful voice that she didn’t expect anything, but woe betide you if you didn’t come up to her expectations. I think she enjoyed bitching about each of her five daughter in laws to the others. She got more enjoyment out of the slagging off than any present she got.

Glorianny Thu 19-May-22 21:05:17

Well my mother was an expert at this. She would tell you that she wasn't bothered and didn't mind so you would guess and do something and then she would tell you exactly what was wrong with what you decided. Fortunately she was delightful in other ways and so we just treated it as a bit of a joke and even as we decided something would guess what she would find wrong with it.

Galaxy Thu 19-May-22 21:26:27

I dont really like organising my own presents, it just feels like another job. I quite like the people who are buying me a present to do that job.

M0nica Thu 19-May-22 22:00:13

I am afraid anyone who tried that on me would get short shrift. I would tell them, nicely, that they had had an opportunity to choose, chose not to do so, so they have no right to complain if what some one else chooses is not to their liking.

dogsmother Fri 20-May-22 07:06:18

I don’t really see why if someone is going to buy me a gift for my birthday that I should choose. It should be a pleasant surprise or don’t bother a card will do thanks.

dragonfly46 Fri 20-May-22 07:13:56

I am like this as I genuinely don’t want anything for birthday etc, don’t mind what I watch on to etc. However, I don’t act disappointed.
My DH always has a list and the tv remote - fine by me!
I do decide what we eat though!

Grammaretto Fri 20-May-22 07:19:06

I love it Glorianny grin
Since DH died I have found decision making, about anything, really hard so to be asked what I want for a present or for dinner is plain cruel. So I am afraid I am one of those people Nanamar

I was washing up at DM's years ago and asked for an apron. There's one in the drawer said she. I pulled out one which I had made for her. She had obviously forgotten and told me I should take it as she never wore it - someone had given it to her apparently and she didn't remember who!!!

Aveline Fri 20-May-22 08:22:26

I remember clearing my MiL's flat after she died and finding all our carefully chosen presents at the back of a cupboard. Oh well. It was the thought that counted I suppose.

Granny23 Fri 20-May-22 08:45:23

Aveline My MiL was exactly the same. I bundled all the presents up (did not want her then student DGDs to see that their carefully chosen and paid from their meagre money) gifts had been treated this way. I donated them all to the local pensioners group for raffle/Bingo prizes. They were delighted to have such lovely things.

Aveline Fri 20-May-22 08:49:31

Good idea Granny23. Wish we'd thought if that. They just went to a charity shop.

nanna8 Fri 20-May-22 08:59:30

One thing I have learned is to choose my own jewellery, give it back to my husband who can then give it to me for a present. Otherwise the stuff remains unworn and unloved , ghastly stuff. With friends, however, I would never do that !

Sparklefizz Fri 20-May-22 09:00:36

My Mum asked for a pale pink jumper for Christmas and I bought her exactly that. 3 years later she regifted it to me as my unasked-for Christmas present, having seemingly forgotten it had come from me in the first place. I was too polite to say anything.

timetogo2016 Fri 20-May-22 09:51:20

I know exactly what my family want and like,so no need to ask.

Antonia Fri 20-May-22 11:08:16

My MIL was the worst for this. She would say, 'I don't need any new slippers / a new cardigan / new coat etc.'

This was rightly taken to mean that she wanted exactly what she had said she didn't want.

I could never get round the pointlessness of it. Why couldn't she just tell us what she wanted?