Gransnet forums

Chat

Grandkids are locked in their bedrooms

(54 Posts)
Charlotte63 Mon 08-Aug-22 23:46:47

I need help on how to discuss my daughter locking grandkids in their bedrooms during nap time.

Baggytrazzas Mon 08-Aug-22 23:51:42

Hi Charlotte63, have you asked your daughter why she locks them in? Maybe that would be a good starting point for you.
What ages are the children?

Mandrake Mon 08-Aug-22 23:54:57

How are they locked in? Do you mean door clicked shut or actual lock and key? Presumably if they are young enough to need naps they don't need the door more than pulled closed, at most, anyway.

Hithere Tue 09-Aug-22 01:45:07

Same questions as Mandrake

imaround Tue 09-Aug-22 01:57:52

Same question as Mandrake and Hithere.

I used to have to lock my oldest in her room to sleep, because she wouldn't sleep. Ever. And wandered. It was for her safety.

So there are valid reasons why this could happen.

BlueBelle Tue 09-Aug-22 03:55:46

Oh no I don’t like this you should never lock a child’s room what if there was a fire, they were sick, needed anything

Imaround that’s awful they is no valid reason to lock a child’s door Are you having a laugh why would locking a door make a child sleep ? He/she must have been petrified
The thought makes my blood run cold

No this can’t be a real post ( I hope)

Humbertbear Tue 09-Aug-22 07:47:17

I’m afraid this does happen. My GD used to be locked in her bedroom. I was very upset and couldn’t talk to DS about it. Turned out she felt safer that way!

Iam64 Tue 09-Aug-22 07:53:57

How old are they Charlotte and how long is ‘nap time’.
Is your daughter imposing naps the children don’t want or need? Do the children cry and try to get out?

The bottom line is, children should never be locked in bedrooms. It’s a red flag. Your OP suggests you are anxious about raising this with her. That suggests walking on egg shells.

absent Tue 09-Aug-22 07:55:03

Locking internal doors when anyone is in the room is a fire risk. Do not believe you can get to the door and unlock it to rescue the child if a fire breaks out. You cannot.

Gingster Tue 09-Aug-22 07:59:19

Locking a child in their bedroom! 😳.
Never!
Like Bluebell - the thought makes my blood run cold.

NotSpaghetti Tue 09-Aug-22 08:38:55

I had a friend in the early 1980s who put a stairgate across the bedroom door at "nap time". Even that worried me. She justified it by saying that her little one was always reluctant to sleep unless there was no other option.

Lucca Tue 09-Aug-22 08:41:07

Not enough information given

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 09-Aug-22 08:42:16

Ask her why she does it.

Then either accept what might be a good reason or question her about it, you can’t ‘not discuss’ it when it could be a safety problem for your GC.

Bellanonna Tue 09-Aug-22 09:38:36

Future claustrophobia
Whyever would you not discuss this with your daughter, Charlotte?

Sago Tue 09-Aug-22 09:45:16

How many homes have locks on the bedroom doors nowadays?
I think this is another wind up.

nanna8 Tue 09-Aug-22 09:56:47

We have a lock on the kitchen to stop the cats roaming around the house at night. You wouldn’t use it with humans,though.

henetha Tue 09-Aug-22 10:02:18

Surely not? It's dangerous. I hope this is not true.

SunshineSally Tue 09-Aug-22 10:09:27

Charlotte63 - you haven’t given us enough information to be able to give advice without alarm bells ringing! 😱

AmberSpyglass Tue 09-Aug-22 10:11:10

It could be entirely sensible, but we won’t know until we have more information. Either way, you can discuss it with her but you can’t make your daughter do anything.

Glorianny Tue 09-Aug-22 10:14:32

Definite No from me as well.
I once taught a child whose parents locked him in his room at night. He told me about how he climbed out the window and onto the kitchen roof and went round the streets at night.
I had to tell the parents.

Shelflife Tue 09-Aug-22 10:21:01

Children should never be locked in their bedrooms!!!!! Child gate yes , locked door NO NO NO !!!
OP has not come back ?

ExDancer Tue 09-Aug-22 10:34:40

Well the thread was only posted yesterday so there's time for the OP to return. I imagine the practice started because the children got out of bed and wouldn't sleep, a problem which is very common and takes a lot of hard work to break.
But its going to be a difficult conversation for Charlotte to start with her daughter.
She's asking us for help with that - not asking us if it's OK - these replies aren't helping, she already knows its not a good idea and is asking for help, not criticism.

FannyCornforth Tue 09-Aug-22 10:39:55

Sago

How many homes have locks on the bedroom doors nowadays?
I think this is another wind up.

I’ve reported it so HQ can have a look

LtEve Tue 09-Aug-22 10:42:57

I would complete a safeguarding referral if I was informed that children were locked in their rooms at night/during naps regardless of the reason. It is considered a safety issue and a red flag.
There are a very few occasions that a child with severe and specific special needs may need to be secure but it is very very rare and should only be done with outside professional help.

ExDancer Tue 09-Aug-22 10:54:32

Charlotte have you said anything to your daughter about it, if so what? And what was her reply?
I don't think you can pussyfoot around the issue so you've got to have that awkward conversation NOW.
Perhaps something along the lines of "Do you know its illegal to lock children in their rooms? If social services find out you'll risk losing them". Not true of course, but a conversation you really must have even if you risk alienating your daughter.
There's no tactful way of approaching this.