Gransnet forums


Do you judge?

(30 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Thu 11-Aug-22 13:45:30

Following the common post and the comments about snobbisness do you judge critically on first impressions? I do it naturally, perhaps because my gran used to do a running commentary on everyone. She would say there's Mrs so and so, she was one of the skivvies in the factory and now she hasnt tuppence to rub together.She had a potted history of everyone in the village which was entertaining if not pc.
My grandson was horrified when I described someone as fat. You can't say that he said.
I think it's natural to have a little snapshot of people even if they prove to be wrong.For example a little lady my age in M and s outfit and I think perhaps church goer sensible and boring whereas another my age in leopard tights and lots of make up could be wife of wealthy man,pots of money etc.
Probably none of you do this as you're too nice.

Lucca Thu 11-Aug-22 13:55:10

I’m afraid I do judge , more on behaviour though. Screeching women. People who barge past you (invisible clearly) and general bad manners.

Ok , outfits too!! Vest tops in town on older larger ladies. However I love to see people in unusual get ups,
Ike 1940’s etc

Mine Thu 11-Aug-22 14:00:51

I think we are all guilty of judging others...I do tend to get annoyed at families with more children than they can afford and mum and dad can't work due to ill health....I shout at the TV when they come on programmes saying they need more benefit ...

BlueBelle Thu 11-Aug-22 14:02:18

If someone’s says they don’t judge they are fibbing There you go I m judging 😀

Aveline Thu 11-Aug-22 14:33:08

Of course we all make judgements of others all the time. Quite often positive ones so being judgemental isn't necessarily a bad thing.

HousePlantQueen Thu 11-Aug-22 14:36:38

I try very hard not to judge, but I do 'have a very dim view' (my old headmistress) of bad manners, loud, shouty people, strutting sweaty men in vests.


paddyann54 Thu 11-Aug-22 14:36:45

Oh dear mine did it ever occur to you that they had their
children BEFORE they had health issues? Shame none of us has a chrystal ball isn't it .

Cabbie21 Thu 11-Aug-22 14:40:41

When I started volunteering for Citizens Advice, one of the first things I learned was not to be judgmental or jump to conclusions. Everyone is entitled to be treated impartially.

My DH gets annnoyed because now I always stick up for the other point of view, or see both sides of an argument, or make allowances for them.

As someone said earlier, I do still judge people by their behaviour at times, but I think that is more that they are showing themselves up rather than me judging them.

M0nica Thu 11-Aug-22 14:47:11

It is not the judging that matters, that is almost instinctive. It is how you act on those judgments that matters.

If you think someeone is trailer trash (an archtypal instant judgment). Do you then treat that person as being worthless or do you still treat them with the respect you would grant to any other human person?

It is the actions that follow the judgment that matter, not the judgment itself.

Aveline Thu 11-Aug-22 14:50:45

We judge each other in a whole host of things: what car you drive, what you're wearing, your address, the way you speak (word choice not just accent) etc etc etc. As I said before these judgements can be very positive too.

VioletSky Thu 11-Aug-22 14:53:15

No I'm not.

I give people too many chances sometimes though

But once I'm done with a person, I'm done

RichmondPark1 Thu 11-Aug-22 14:55:18

My parents judged everyone and found them wanting. I was brought up to do the same. Much too late I realised that it's not a very nice thing to be doing and I could stop doing it.

It took a long time and a lot of effort to stop and sometimes I still catch myself doing it. Not doing it is relaxing, peaceful, feels kind and gives me a much more positive view of people and the world in general.

MissAdventure Thu 11-Aug-22 14:58:29

Everyones first response is to judge, I think.

It's human nature, probably built in as a safety feature or something.

I find the best thing to do is get over yourself, rather than clinging to your immediate reaction.

Chestnut Thu 11-Aug-22 14:58:32

I am always friendly to new people I meet (and don't judge them) but my hackles will go up if they later do or say something nasty, and then I suppose I start judging them. But that is because they have revealed something in their character which is not nice.

Kate1949 Thu 11-Aug-22 15:08:38

I try not to judge. I don't think disliking bad manners etc is judging.
When I was younger I was very judgy. If someone was overweight, badly dressed etc I would judge.
Now that I'm older and been through so much c**p myself, I try to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

Elizabeth27 Thu 11-Aug-22 15:13:50

My parents were the same as RichmondPark1, my mother still is, negative about everyone and everything.

I make a real effort to judge favorably because of that but am a terrible judge of character often getting it very wrong.

M0nica Thu 11-Aug-22 15:16:18

We judge each other in a whole host of things: what car you drive, what you're wearing, your address, the way you speak (word choice not just accent) etc etc etc.

Good heavens how wearing life must be if you spend your whole time judging everyone you see. I seem to notice things only if they are unusual or exceptional.

I am conscious that I can visit a friend and as I leave the house be unable to describe what she were wearing, Unless she was wearing something exceptional like a clown's outfit.

I notice things, that someone has a red car or a Yorkshire accent, but i really cannot be bothered to spare the energy make judgments, that I know will be completely wrong even if i do make them.

I thought those constantly jumping to judgment were the exception, not the majority.

RichmondPark1 Thu 11-Aug-22 15:25:19

I'm another who doesn't notice or care what people are wearing or driving. You really can't tell anything about someone from these things.

Redhead56 Thu 11-Aug-22 15:40:44

What's the point really we are all individual I tend to treat people how I find them.
My dad always said never judge a book by it's cover. Open it up and see the contents then make an informed opinion.
I don't look down on people less fortunate and I don't look up to anyone no matter who they are.

Aveline Thu 11-Aug-22 15:51:54

I actually don't believe people who say they don't judge others. I mean instinctive perceptions regarding others. It not a matter of going through a list of things just rapid perception. It's probably an inbuilt survival or protection instinct.

Zoejory Thu 11-Aug-22 16:05:03

Growing up in a rather wealthy home I was told never to use the word posh. It was one of our forbidden words.

Aveline Thu 11-Aug-22 16:15:39

Really posh people don't have to be told social dos and donts. They just know!

MissAdventure Thu 11-Aug-22 16:18:33

One of my exes brothers had done extremely well for himself, despite his council house beginnings, and he married a "posh" girl.

She was far more fun than him, though. Really down to earth.

He was too busy ensuring that everyone knew he had done well for himself.

sodapop Thu 11-Aug-22 17:22:29

I have a tendency to make judgements about people when I first meet them. I have been proved wrong on more than one occasion.

Mine Thu 11-Aug-22 17:33:34

Point taken Paddyann54....I'd have loved more children but knew I wouldn't be able to afford them and OH and I were working...Maybe that's the reason I get annoyed and judgementalsmile