Gransnet forums

Chat

What’s tying you down?

(55 Posts)
Sago Fri 23-Sep-22 08:21:09

We are currently away at our holiday let as we had a cancellation, we are home later today for the weekend and then returning.

We can return on Monday because for the first time in our adult lives we have no ties!
No parents, children, dogs or employers to consider.
We are self employed, our little dog departed in February and we have both lost our parents.
I have given up my voluntary work, we are totally free to do what we wish when we wish.
I feel very lucky but at the same time it’s a little unnerving.

What’s tying you down if anything?

Luckygirl3 Fri 23-Sep-22 09:11:05

What's tying me down!?

How I would love to be doing all the things that you describe, but ........

- I am widowed - try finding a solo holiday that does not have huge supplements, crap tiny rooms hidden away, self-catering accommodation much too big etc - impossible.
- following back surgery I cannot lift luggage and bending is painful.
- I would love to potter in my garden, but this is very hard for reasons above.

So ....... my chance to enjoy life is somewhat curtailed! And it is very very very frustrating because in my heart I am 25.

MawtheMerrier Fri 23-Sep-22 09:17:43

With you on that Luckygirl - since losing Paw I found myself alone and in theory the world was my oyster! All those things I couldn’t do because of his reduced mobility and I’ll health. But travelling and holidaying alone is not the same as sharing the experience.
So I “tied “ myself down with a loving and much loved dog instead. And I’m not sure I really want to do it all any more anyway.

Urmstongran Fri 23-Sep-22 09:31:28

We are somewhat selfish in a good way. I know, that sounds weird. By that I mean we disappear to Spain for half the year with no calls on our time. We ‘recharge our batteries’ every few weeks and we love it.

Consequently, when we are home here in the UK we don’t mind being an extra pair of hands to help out with the family. We pick up the slack. My stepfather is 90y old next month, we take him shopping and he comes for Sunday lunch every week. We have two adorable grandchildren and row in with swimming lessons, bike rides, babysitting duties etc. as both parents work full time and have busy lives.

I honestly think that if people are able to carve out some ‘me’ time in life, being asked to help out occasionally doesn’t irritate. I do count my blessings.

Of course I also recognise that good health, physically and mentally, for all the family makes a huge difference. I really do feel for people who struggle in that respect. Choices then often are not an option and life must be very hard for some.

nanna8 Fri 23-Sep-22 09:36:40

We are very lucky,too. We have,however, adopted two adorable rescue cats so now we have to think of them. We have a daughter who feeds them when we go away and we take them with us to our beach house. They sleep all the way down there, they are wonderful little additions to our family. We are getting quite ancient so are making the most of our lives.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 23-Sep-22 09:40:28

We are on the last few days of our 3 weeks away, we are constantly on the phone to MissOops and our nephew to make sure that they are ok, there is no way that we could go further afield or away for any longer due to their health problems.
MrOops would love to go away for half the year, but that won’t happen, unless he goes on his own!

GagaJo Fri 23-Sep-22 09:41:30

My daughter and my grandson. I'm desperate for them to move out so I can have my home back.

My grandson also because I'm his childcare and I also do the school runs. But I've chosen to do that and since he's my only one, want to do it.

My work doesn't tie me down at all. I work online and can do it from anywhere in the world. The timings can be a little awkward, because I teach students in different time zones. Mornings are China & Asia. Mid afternoon is the middle east. Evenings are Europe. But as long as I've got a power supply, I can work from any location.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 23-Sep-22 09:41:47

Sorry pressed Post too soon.
However, we go away a lot in the U.K. for 4 day breaks and the odd week, so we aren’t tied to the house!

notgran Fri 23-Sep-22 09:43:10

Having worked full time since I was 16 and my husband having had an awful commute to work for 20+ years we both feel nothing needs to tie us down any more. We are very fortunate that my husband's Mum has very good health for someone in their 90's and lives with his sister, we do keep in touch more than weekly and see her 3 or 4 times a year on visits to the area (she lives nearly 400 miles away). Our adult children live fairly near by and are very independent with no ties themselves. Our time and money is finally ours to spend and enjoy as we want. I am in good health and husband in reasonable health so we are gathering our rosebuds while we may. A very fortunate time of our lives.

Knittynatter Fri 23-Sep-22 10:31:10

Lack of money
Simply that
So I fill my time with work and childminding my grandchildren and crafting
But I’d love a little extra so I could go away now and then!

Greenfinch Fri 23-Sep-22 10:37:43

Two teenage grandchildren who live with us but we are happy to be tied down and love them to bits.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 23-Sep-22 10:48:00

My daughter died in March this year, no parents alive needing care so it’s just us and our rescue diva of a cat. We spent 10 years travelling for r months of the years so we have no urgent feeling to go away for any length of time. It’s lovely just having the time to decide on the day to go somewhere for the day or just do nothing. Love it

henetha Fri 23-Sep-22 10:51:05

I was somewhat tied by Wiggy (my pet cockatiel who died recently). It wasn't always easy to find someone to look after a noisy, messy bird. And I would not leave her on her own, that would be cruel.
So now I'm free. But I can't decide what to do, where to go, and can I afford it anyway? Decisions!

Luckygirl3 Fri 23-Sep-22 10:52:25

Barmeyoldbat - I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. x

M0nica Fri 23-Sep-22 11:01:07

I do not think I want to to be free to do what I want, when I want.

We no longer have parents or dependent children and DGC live too far away for us ever to have had any childcare commitments. We have never had a pet to tie us down, and both retired.

But, but, but, we would be lost without the emotionalties that bind us to our children, wider family and our friends. So I am committed to Christmas, will call in on a friend on our way back from our next trip to France. I have hobbies and activities that require me to be at partiuclar plaaces at particular times,

As far as i am concerned, a life with ties is the life for me.

Witzend Fri 23-Sep-22 11:03:52

Barmeyoldbat, I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. 💐

We have no pets any more, and no regular grandchild care to tie us (still do one-offs/emergencies) but oddly enough, now that we’re free to take off as and when we feel like it, I am less and less bothered about going away. We have done a great deal of travelling in the past, but although I used to have very itchy feet, they itch no more.

Plus I really loathe all the faff of airports and planes now. If we can drive to wherever it is, that’s different.

JaneJudge Fri 23-Sep-22 11:07:00

I'm sorry about your daughter too barmey flowers

I don't feel tied down by family or pets but I do feel tied down by a lack of confidence. I feel I could achieve more if I just had a bit more self belief.

Grandmadinosaur Fri 23-Sep-22 11:16:17

I have my dad who lives a couple of hours drive away and he is near to my brother so not tied there.

We have our 2 delightful GC living close by. My DS and DIL feel that we have done our bit as parents so do not ask if we can help out very often. However we offer help to them if we feel it would be of use to them. Also as we love to spend time with the little ones. So we tie ourselves really. They won’t always want to spend time with us oldies I always remind myself.

Grandmadinosaur Fri 23-Sep-22 11:16:54

So sorry about your daughter barmy 💐

Yammy Fri 23-Sep-22 11:20:37

We have no ties our children live in attractive different parts of the country always worth a visit. Parents are no longer here
We live in a beautiful part of the country that lots can't keep away from. So we roam around our own locality and go away if and when we please.
I appreciate I am very lucky and am taking it day by day you never know what is around the corner.hmm

karmalady Fri 23-Sep-22 11:22:02

Being widowed. No-one to go out on a long cycle with, to stop with for a picnic or at a pub

Same as luckygirl and going on holidays. I went on a saga cruise a year after being widowed and it was massively expensive, then I had to socialise in order to be a bit interactive with strangers.

Yammy Fri 23-Sep-22 11:26:27

Sorry I meant to say I appreciate what others feel who still have ties. Be it parents, pets, poor health, finances or work commitments I've had them all in my time.
I sometimes think I am in the lull before the storm.

Dee1012 Fri 23-Sep-22 11:27:13

Luckygirl3

What's tying me down!?

How I would love to be doing all the things that you describe, but ........

- I am widowed - try finding a solo holiday that does not have huge supplements, crap tiny rooms hidden away, self-catering accommodation much too big etc - impossible.
- following back surgery I cannot lift luggage and bending is painful.
- I would love to potter in my garden, but this is very hard for reasons above.

So ....... my chance to enjoy life is somewhat curtailed! And it is very very very frustrating because in my heart I am 25.

try finding a solo holiday that does not have huge supplements, crap tiny rooms hidden away, self-catering accommodation much too big etc - impossible.

Absolutely in agreement - while I understand some increase, the difference in so many cases is huge and for me, unaffordable.

kittylester Fri 23-Sep-22 11:36:10

'Tying you down' implies that we would like to escape any.

We live close to most of our family, we both volunteer often and live in a friendly, happy village.

Nothing is tying me down- I don't want to go anywhere.

nadateturbe Fri 23-Sep-22 11:46:41

I don't feel tied down by family or pets but I do feel tied down by a lack of confidence. I feel I could achieve more if I just had a bit more self belief.

Janejudge It would be a shame to let this hold you back. You'll never know what you can achieve if you don't try.
What's the worst that can happen?