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Looking forward to meeting an old friend today.

(11 Posts)
Sago Wed 22-Mar-23 09:30:33

We were friends with a couple for many years, our husbands met as teenagers and the four of us had some wonderful times together until there was a divorce.
We tried to remain neutral but unfortunately the wife told us dreadful things about her ex husband.
My husband felt that morally we couldn’t continue seeing him.
It has been nearly 20 years.
It seems the stories the ex told were all lies, she is a narcissist and the poor bloke has been treated like a pariah as she was so convincing.
I feel sad that we have lost all that time but excited to be seeing him and his new wife.
It made me think this morning how much wiser I am now than 20 years ago and how differently I would have dealt with now.

PiscesLady Wed 22-Mar-23 10:39:21

Just this minute DH was saying about hindsight being a wonderful thing.
Enjoy your lunch, the years will melt away.

crazyH Wed 22-Mar-23 10:47:13

Divorce destroys friendships. When I got divorced, I lost a couple of ‘friends’, who decided to blame me, for my husband’s affair. Ofcourse, there are two sides to every story and I understand.
Enjoy your lunch with your friend. Lots to catch up!!

Smileless2012 Wed 22-Mar-23 10:48:55

Narcissists are very convincing liars Sago. It is a shame that so much time has been lost but how lovely that you have the opportunity to meet up with him again.

Enjoy your reunion and look forward to rekindling this friendship.

Sago Wed 22-Mar-23 16:36:03

Home from a lovely walk and lunch.
The years did melt away.
Never leave it too long, it may be too late.

PiscesLady Wed 22-Mar-23 17:23:00

I'm so pleased for you Sago. Thank you for letting us know.

Yammy Wed 22-Mar-23 18:37:22

Glad you enjoyed the day. We walk the tightrope with one of our relations wife and ex-wife.

ParlorGames Wed 22-Mar-23 18:41:05

Just before my divorce, my soon to be ex told me to stop seeing xxxx and yyyy and various others because they were his friends! Guess who kept in touch with me all these years?

Sasta Fri 24-Mar-23 12:28:05

That’s awful Sago but what a decent man to let you both back into his life after he must have felt so bad losing good friends. He must have gone through hell living with her too. Also well done for recognising it and opening up the friendship again. Our family knows only too well the damage a narcissist can do to one’s life, and ruin a family. She’s still in our lives sadly and we have to suck it up as best we can, but keep her at arms length as much as possible. Their behaviour and constant lies defame and destroy people’s lives.

sandelf Fri 24-Mar-23 14:12:42

I heard a radio item about a biography ghost writer. It was a revelation to me that Nobody tells the truth 'straight' - even public figures you'd have the greatest respect for. Everyone edits their past (includes/excludes, changes order of events, who was involved etc). Not particularly meaning to excuse, but just 'that's the way it is'.

jocork Fri 24-Mar-23 14:30:12

Less than a year after moving from the town we'd lived in for decade, as a result of my husband's new job, I found out he was having an affair and we split up. Some of my new friends asked if I would move back but I said no. The children were settled in new schools and I realised that mutual friends may take sides and I didn't want that. I've kept in touch with many of my friends and to a lesser extent with some of the mutual friends but I don't think my ex has at all. Only once have I thought I'd been misjudged as my ex said someone had said something about me that I knew wasn't true, but he wouldn't tell me who had said it! It must be awful to lose friends that way and so glad you have sorted things out so happily.