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Solidarity with the restrictions of health and ageing?

(10 Posts)
Marjgran Wed 03-Apr-24 12:37:07

Please don't tell me to count my blessings, I have too many to list.

However I am mournful about life passing and my inability to take part in much. I have a chronic spine / nerve / orthopaedic condition. When it is quiet I have low level pain I can ignore and can do many daily activities as long as I don't walk too far, lift anything heavy, kneel, bend too much, or do anything unusual. When in an acute episode (as now) it's so painful it is immobilising.

It started with early (50) hip replacement (? genetic), too large & at an incorrect angle. Active rehabilitation unwittingly made it worse, my body adjusted by twisting my spine, inflaming muscles and affected nerves leading to periodic disabling spasms and chronic stiffness / tension.

An attempt 20 years later to remedy this with a hip revision op went wrong, causing catastrophic femoral nerve damage (not able to safely stand/walk, awful nerve pain). It didn't help the presenting problem. The femoral nerve mostly regenerated after a year (what a year, using a walker, learning to drive with the "wrong" leg, tolerating nerve pain) but the cumulative impact on my muscular skeletal self is life restricting. The "good leg" developed arthritis from over use, knee exercises hold back a replacement op. Pain killers are restricted due to a heart arrhythmia.

I have health envy, I long to stride on a long walk, kneel and bend to garden, carry a grandchild, lift household objects. I feel as though I have been losing bits of my life cut by cut.

Ironically I look fine - small mercy - only a little overweight, I don't mind white hair.

I have some good short holiday plans but cannot travel during an episode, and can't ever carry a case. I am in mourning. I know my body will only deteriorate. My friends are often fitter but also are dying. I don't need advice - I have excellent clinical advice - but wonder if there is solidarity among you?

To be clear, I have moments of joy but also so much sadness. Excuse long post.

B9exchange Wed 03-Apr-24 12:44:40

You have my full sympathy and compassion, you have every right to grieve for the aspects of life you have lost. Chronic pain really drains you. I know there are no solutions and you are left with coping strategies, I just wanted to say I understood. [Flowers]

annsixty Wed 03-Apr-24 12:56:41

I also understand and commiserate.
I was able to walk miles, potter in the house, do my own shopping etc.
Now, at 86, I have had a TKR and on the same side a THR.
The other knee is going the same way.
I am quite disabled but not in pain.
I understand your feeling of mourning.
Life has changed drastically for you and it is very hard for you to accept that it will never be the same.
I am pleased for you that you have many blessings and that you know that.
Take heart from it and adjust.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Apr-24 12:56:45

I couldn’t have put it better B9exchange. I am very grateful not to have your problems Marjgran. You have my profound sympathy, and respect for your efforts to keep on going.💐

Smileless2012 Wed 03-Apr-24 13:02:08

Chronic pain is emotionally and physically draining Marjgran and whilst I count my blessings that I'm physically well and able, I can understand why this is so disheartening for you flowers.

Gossamerbeynon1945 Wed 03-Apr-24 13:29:34

I am in constant pain from a pinched nerve in my spine.

Marjgran Wed 03-Apr-24 14:39:26

Thank you for your solidarity! it is so so appreciated

Theexwife Wed 03-Apr-24 15:19:06

You have my sympathy , I am sure you do have blessings in your life however being in poor health overshadows everything else, we really do not appreciate the value of good health until we no longer have it.


Marthjolly1 Wed 03-Apr-24 15:39:50

I am so, so lucky and very, very thankful to still be in robust good health and it wont be too long before I hit 80. I know there are so many people who are much less fortunate in their health and I have so much sympathy for those of you who face great challenges each day. Just getting out of bed is a big hurdle for some. I'm sure you must feel isolated and alone at times, but we are always here whenever you feel the need to let off a bit of steam. I hope you are able to get away and enjoy the break you have planned.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 03-Apr-24 15:58:19

I applaud Marjgran for saying she has many blessings, and I’m glad she has. It is so easy to lose sight of them in the face of adversity.