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Christmas

The angst of Christmas

(78 Posts)
MawB Fri 13-Dec-19 18:12:19

Glancing through the various threads I am horrified at the pitfalls of Christmas.
Never mind whether or not you invite Great Auntie Maude and the in-laws or that it is “their turn “ to host, now you have to worry about
Norfolk Bronze/Tesco Value/vegan nut roast
Proper roasties or Aunt Bessie’s
Gluten free Christmas pud or will just organic do
The smoked salmon starter - is it Wild salmon, moderately annoyed salmon, farmed salmon (how do the dogs herd them up) or do I give up and do prawn cocktail?
Christmas wrapping paper- a no-no, use reusable cloth bags, but bear in mind Amazon’s tax history when you realise they are the only people still stocking them
Christmas cards or e-cards or emails or none of the above (do nowt and pretend you are donating to charity)
Crackers? OMG no, more plastic tat!
Presents - more charity shop tat which will go straight back, secret santa or Tiffany’s?
Don’t drink and drive of course, but think of the environment and don’t drive at all. Take the train, natch! Platform 7 at Crewe junction is a brilliant place to spend Christmas - think “Brief Encounter.
While you are at it, should you or your children risk going to strange doorsteps , collecting boxes at the ready and hope for a donation in exchange for two lines of We Wish You a Merry Christmas or do you make the poor suckers stand out in the cold for all 19 verses of In Dulce Jubilo (with descant)
So Seasons Greetings and Happy Holidays because of course we don’t want to offend anybody by letting Christ into Christmas, do we? 🎅 🎄

GrannyGravy13 Fri 13-Dec-19 18:42:45

Maw that has made me chuckle, sorry if I wasn't meant to, but your OP is true to life for so many people.

Doodle Fri 13-Dec-19 18:43:26

Oh maw that is absolutely brilliant. I love it, especially the moderately annoyed salmon. tchgrin

I was going to start a thread called Peace on Earth in the politics thread in the hope that we could now all calm down and think in a non political way of those who need our help this year but seeing some of the threads now it seems neither (or any) side seems willing to ‘love thy neighbor’.

Anniebach Fri 13-Dec-19 19:00:58

Maw you have cheered me up, I don’t have to think or
stress over one single thing on you list . 😀

inkcog Fri 13-Dec-19 19:04:32

Maw.....you forgot " I'm not going if she's going"

MawB Fri 13-Dec-19 19:06:42

Oh and I forgot about Christmas Trees!
Farmed, free range, organic, recycled (still got that brown twiggy thing beside the dustbin? This year’s go-to tree among the cognoscenti of Hoxton. And if you have a cat you’ll have an uber trendy upside down tree before you know where you area.
Fairy on the top or angel? Both are figments of the imagination, I suggest a mini- Boris Johnson or Diane Abbott.
Such larks!

MawB Fri 13-Dec-19 19:08:00

“Are” not “area” 🥳

agnurse Fri 13-Dec-19 19:08:42

"Moderately annoyed salmon".

To adopt a quote from an old bathroom reader we were given once, I wonder if the wild salmon is reckless and crazed salmon that runs around, curses, and throws food grin

Callistemon Fri 13-Dec-19 19:51:05

moderately annoyed salmon
grin grin grin

And did we remember to get the chimney swept? shock
Oh no, can't admit to having a real fire

SueDonim Fri 13-Dec-19 20:55:49

Don’t peck anyone under the mistletoe!

sodapop Fri 13-Dec-19 21:46:40

Made me grin Maw and so true.

quizqueen Fri 13-Dec-19 21:51:18

BTW, Brief Encounters was filmed at Carnforth Station, not Crewe.

TwiceAsNice Fri 13-Dec-19 22:28:06

Love it! I’ll never be able to look at a salmon again without wondering how annoyed it is! 😄

AllotmentLil Fri 13-Dec-19 22:28:42

Oh Maw 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve just been having a quick look at the political threads and there’s no peace and goodwill there from either side. Your thread is exactly the antidote I needed! Thankyou!

agnurse Fri 13-Dec-19 22:29:28

TwiceAsNice

Yup, and then you have to wonder if it's on its way to becoming wild salmon. You have to watch that stuff, boy. You might come home and find it staged a takeover and walked off with the rest of the contents of your refrigerator grin

lemongrove Fri 13-Dec-19 23:15:33

Best to eat wild/ annoyed/ peed off salmon quickly, fork it down with a bit of mayo and cucumber before it realises what’s happening.

MawB Fri 13-Dec-19 23:54:01

Quizqueen - poetic licence grin

Juicylucy Sat 14-Dec-19 09:58:07

Brilliant great way to start my day.

Thecatshatontgemat Sat 14-Dec-19 10:12:12

Excellent.gringrin
I wonder how many people are going to change their user name to Moderately Annoyed Salmon now......

dallas Sat 14-Dec-19 10:15:54

Just what was needed, made me laugh out loud

Hetty58 Sat 14-Dec-19 10:23:29

Let's face it, only about half of the UK population is Christian anyway, so, to many of us, it's the old traditional Pagan mid-winter feast we're doing!

We have vegetarians, pescetarians, vegans and milk protein allergy people in the family (not to mention the health freaks and fusspots) so, I'm really happy to be 'guest' and not 'host' this time!

Millie22 Sat 14-Dec-19 10:29:46

Yes we all need a bit of lightheartedness just now. I love Brief Encounter anyway wherever it was filmed!

Nanna58 Sat 14-Dec-19 10:56:06

Loved the salmon’s moniker! What about the ‘out door bred sausages’ for the pigs in blankets . No mention of the pig- so I just visualise these little bangers scampering around the fields!

Beanie654321 Sat 14-Dec-19 11:02:31

Sorry this has made me chuckle. I admit I do what I want these days. Getting older has made me realise life is too short to bow down for others. Xx

CaroleAnne Sat 14-Dec-19 11:12:38

Oh Maw. That was so hilarious but so true.
We are missing our grandchildren who live in Australia, but I will keep your thread in my mind and have a good laugh when I feel sad.thanks