Farting Limburger Cheese Broccoli Onion & Garlic

Great idea but there hasn't been any broc in the shops for days now. I'm told you can buy a cauliflower for $7 if you are desperate but then I've never been that desperate for a Brassica.

As for cheese - mousetrap is what I buy but that's not available either. The mice are very upset.

Onions I have and minced garlic - fortunately, as I am totally alone (but for the disappointed mice) I can eat as much as I like and not exterminate anyone with the resulting wind from either end.

It's been many a long year since I could kick up anything other than a fuss and I've never owned a TV.

The library suspended all borrowing 8 days ago so no books either.

Were I locked down with the sort of person you mention, I'd very quickly be grinding soporifics into their Muesli and putting locks on all the doors to keep them away from me.

Otherwise I fear the Constabulary and I would be having Very Serious Words.

We can’t get brocalli here either bradford So it won’t work in UK and I m on my own too so no one to offend ?

Why have people cleared the shelves of broccoli ?

Can get broccoli here but that must be very frustrating for you rosecarmel - pig-headed men go at the top of my murder list.

I'd like to bet that the very people who have cleared the shelves of broccoli are the ones who formerly wouldn't eat it even if Gran stood over them with a big stick

As soon as I’ve wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes, I’m off to properly start my day. Keep making us laugh, please, look after the knuckles and the mice and KEEP SAFE

Apart from the Limburger cheese (never heard of it!) it sounds like our normal diet.

No wonder no-one is visiting us at the moment, it's not the lockdown at all

Is Stinking Bishop a good alternative bearing in mind present shopping restrictions?

Not seen Stinking Bishop in the shops for ages Callistemon. Nice cheese too!

Have you a shed for that unpleasant person to live in?

Failing that - great plan you've got there!

We were delivered some broccoli this morning.
Beware

Thank you for the laugh, that is so funny. I am not a fan of broccoli so there is no love lost there. My son views everything that is green the enemy. DH is canny as he went out yesterday and got our weekly shop so I wouldn’t want to stink him out. Keep on with the laughs!

rosecarmel I think you're onto something there, but for quite another reason.

Early warning Covid19 system!

Anyone who can tolerate those living conditions must have lost their sense of smell!

Quick ring the Boris, no need to waste money on testing!!

I had a very dear lady ask me today if there was anything I wanted as she was going to the shop.

She shouted this at a distance of about 6 metres for which I was glad and she, no doubt, would have been gladder had she realised I'd just eaten raw garlic. (We get vampires round here)

She'd had to wait a few minutes for me to answer as I was in the loo when she first arrived and, as I came out, shouted at her, "Sorry, I was on the throne and I've just used the last of of the bathroom spray, so if you can get that, I'd be grateful.'

Even living by myself I prefer a deodorised toilet after a visit.

I added, as she trotted away, '...and if you see any toilet rolls....'

Sadly, I should have been more precise - she returned with one of those spray & wipe cleaners. No loo rolls.

Now, does she expect me to use Mr Muscle on my fundament, instead of toilet tissue?

I've heard that striking a match in the lavatory when you've made a smell is a good way of dealing with it.

I'll experiment.

Watch this space for news of an elderly New Zealander being rushed to hospital with singed derriere after inadvertently igniting Mr Muscle.

It's been nice and quiet- Stinks do force people keep a distance!

To keep ..

I suspect it's calm because the shops have been denuded of cabbage, cauli, broc, garlic and Limburger cheese.

I never see that word without thinking of Lamburger Gessler in William Tell

I think this is why broccoli is selling out

?

Oh yes, I like my daily Joe Wicks fix [ grin]