Gransnet forums


Should I feel guilty?

(140 Posts)
aonk Sun 24-May-20 14:36:45

I’d like your views please. Until Friday we have stuck rigidly to all the lockdown rules. We have visited local AC and GC and spoken to them from the pavement. On Friday it was my birthday and the local AC brought their grandchildren down the side entrance to our back garden. We chatted from a distance and the children made a lot of noise. No one went into the house and we kept our distance at all times. Yesterday our DD and family drove 20 miles to do the same thing. We hadn’t seen them since early February as they had to self isolate before the lockdown. I now feel, much as I enjoyed these visits, that we shouldn’t have allowed them to happen. The noise made in my garden may have also upset my neighbours who are unable to see their grandchildren at all as their DD won’t allow it. Please don’t criticise but constructive comments would be very welcome.

Jane10 Sun 24-May-20 14:40:16

Seems reasonable to me!

tanith Sun 24-May-20 14:45:15

Perfectly reasonable no guilty feeling required.

Oopsadaisy3 Sun 24-May-20 14:49:19

I wouldn’t worry about it, we have to start to get to a stage where we can all cope with the change in our lives and you were all very sensible.
Sadly seeing our children and grandchildren might have to be at a safe distance for a long time.
Plus you can drive anywhere nowadays as long as you are home the same day. ( although others are really taking the P* on that one)

Franbern Sun 24-May-20 16:47:44

Totally reasonable and safe.
People are going to have to start coming out of the cocoon of their homes at sometime. Of course, tens of thousands do so daily in order to go to work.
If your neighbours feel jealous and upset then they can make a similar arrangements.
Just enjoy those moments - no need for any guilt whatsoever.

Toadinthehole Sun 24-May-20 16:55:28

I think that was fine. We’ve done similar things. Anyhow, the rules are there to interpret as we wish, shown by the “ Do as I say, not what I do “ Dominic Cummins.

annodomini Sun 24-May-20 17:42:41

You were taking no risks at all. I would love to have my GC visit me, but 150 miles is not easy calling distance - unless you're a government adviser, of course.

Hithere Sun 24-May-20 17:47:56

You haven't seen your family in 3 months and our routine has been upside down compared to what we did before.

Of course you are feeling guilty as you care about your family and dont want to harm them.

Get ready to feel guilty as soon as lockdown ends and we start interacting more with other people.

Chewbacca Sun 24-May-20 17:54:56

Nothing to feel guilty about. I'm planning to do the very same thing myself this week. Family will be able to access my back garden via the side gate, which I can secure back so that they won't need to touch it, and we can sit 2 metres apart and chat. Can't see any problem with that.

B9exchange Sun 24-May-20 18:07:39

You should certainly not feel guilty. It will have done you the world of good, and not put anyone at risk. It is very difficult to catch the virus outdoors, even more so if you were 2m apart. None of you were coughing, so no aerosol risk.

You could have set off for a local park, and set up your picnics, far apart, and then taken turns in approaching each other one at a time coming within two metres. But if you were in a back garden, you were in effect further removed from other people. Please don't beat yourself up, you have been sensible.

Some people will shut themselves away in fear long after lockdown is eased. That is their decision of course. We will all need to do our own risk assessments as to what is right for us. You have done yours and well done you!

luluaugust Sun 24-May-20 18:17:31

I wouldn't feel guilty, many people seem to be visiting back gardens now. It seems safer than a crowded park specially if you have a side gate and they don't go in the house, no food or drink passed around. We have to start somewhere. Interested to see what happens Bank Holiday Monday.

tickingbird Sun 24-May-20 18:24:12

No need to feel guilty; you’ve done nothing wrong.

Trisha57 Sun 24-May-20 18:24:53

Please don't feel guilty. Both my husband and I (separately) went to see our DGC in their back garden. We sat at the bottom by their back gate and they were playing on their trampoline at least 20 feet away. It's the only time we've seen them in person, and bearing in mind that before lockdown we had the younger one twice a week when he wasn't at nursery and collected the older one twice a week and had her after school, it's been a bit of a shock to the system!

You are being sensible, not taking unnecessary risks and coping in the best way you can. Not something to feel guilty about at all. smile

BTW, as I type our next door neighbour, who is due to give birth next week, and her husband are entertaining two friends and their child in their garden. Pizza and beer being served, pizza all taken from the same plate, their child and their friends' child playing on the trampoline. Now THEY are being totally irresponsible, IMO! Can't believe they think they are following any rules or restrictions - but then they are the sort who don't believe any rules apply to them............angry

aonk Sun 24-May-20 20:02:08

Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. I feel much better now that I have read them.

BlueSky Sun 24-May-20 21:49:50

Well we have now been told that rules are not compulsory only advisory...

Tuppence15 Sun 24-May-20 22:02:15

I shouldn’t worry. The important thing is not transmitting the virus. That’s why we socially distance.
My neighbours are having family get together and parties. The local children are all out playing together. It’s like nothing is happening.
We are sitting here on our own, dutifully taking our daily exercise.
But we are not catching or spreading the virus hopefully.

Furret Sun 24-May-20 22:45:36

More and more people are looking at ‘the rules’ and applying common sense instead. Sitting in the open air, in your garden, maintaining physical distancing is safer than a ride on public transport or a visit to the supermarket.

Teacheranne Sun 24-May-20 23:26:52

I'm afraid I am one of those people who obey the rules rigidly - or at least I did before watching the briefing today. I have a back garden with side access but have not allowed my daughter to visit me. However, as it appears I am one of the few people sticking to the restrictions, I might be tempted to have a friend round on a sunny day.

I went to get my click and collect order today and saw so many people in the streets in large groups enjoying the sunshine.

annep1 Sun 24-May-20 23:39:57

I think we have to use common sense rather than stick rigidly to rules. I drive 20 minutes to a beach for my walk. Very uplifting and much less crowded than the local area. I still get food deliveries and haven't seen my family. I feel too nervous about that.
Only feel guilty if you're not distancing. But mental health is important too.

May7 Mon 25-May-20 00:25:06

Teacheranne me too. Its upsetting really isnt it? I'm desperate to see my GCs but more importantly I'm so afraid for my elderly parents and my daughter who is running about like a headless chicken trying to help everyone. I think we just have to do what our conscience allows and stay as safe as we can. I'm one of those people who don't think that it's right just because everyone else is doing it. I'll continue to keep my family as safe as I can and keep my distance. Thank goodness for Facetime

Paperbackwriter Mon 25-May-20 09:03:17

Four weeks ago we wouldn't have done this but the peak is (apparently) past and the government's own adviser has shown that the rules they made are to be followed only as one chooses to interpret them. Enjoy your family! I'm longing to see all mine but they're just too far away. But one day soon, we hope.

Laurensnan Mon 25-May-20 09:10:17

My daughter lives near me. Twice last week they come down my side gate into my garden. They had their side to sit on and we have ours. They don't go into the house and we have hand gel. The kids play on their garden toys (which are obviously always sitting in the garden untouched by me). I spray down the garden chairs and table before they come. I visited my sister yesterday for the first time since lockdown her garden with social distance. I met my son at a park with his partner and new baby. We sat 2 m apart on our own blankets. I think we have to start making safe judgements for ourselves now as the rules are getting ridiculous ( eg I'm a registered childminder ....I can look after another family's child but I can't have my grandchildren in my home! ). If I'm outside and 2m away I will see my family now. If it's safe to talk to a stranger in a park, or outside of a supermarket I'm going to see my own family in my garden! We'll all be going flaming crazy of we don't start easing sensibly into being able to see our families .

focused1 Mon 25-May-20 09:10:28

I feel you judge these visits on an individual basis . You know each other , medical history etc . I have a part time job as an agency domestic cleaner - some want me back , some want mask , gloves etc , some prefer nothing .Others seem to be holding out for the miracle vaccine. I think that when this crisis is actually deeply discussed there will be the argument about what lockdown achieved , who caught it / groups etc and how many elderly in care homes had coughs , colds , flu etc as this started getting serious in winter .
Neighbours have people round but I haven't got parents , my grandchilden are 250 miles away and I met my sister for a walk last week - instant therapy . Don't feel guilty . Assess what is best for you and your family.

BlueSky Mon 25-May-20 09:10:30

Damage has been done by such behaviour and worse still condoning it! Normally I defend Boris but this time I'm really annoyed. People will now feel free to interpret rules to suit them!

Mollygo Mon 25-May-20 09:11:04

It’s fine. So much safer than sitting in the park with strangers, though we will have to get used to that eventually.