Gransnet forums


Family Rift RE:Covid

(55 Posts)
Meg54 Tue 27-Oct-20 15:02:34

Mum is elderly with complicated medical issues, and was sheltered during initial outbreak 0f Covid.

Sister A (Anna) lives with her, but has a full time demanding job as a care worker in a major hospital.

Sister B (Brenda) lives alone, about 1/2 hour drive from Mum, has a full time job, currently (mostly) working from home.

We are at loggerheads over the government guidelines as to what is allowable at Mums.
Sister B thinks she is allowed to stay at Mum's, and to take her out sociably to lunch, shop etc, and to have her stay at her home, as Mum is part of her bubble.

As Mum and I are in Tier 2, I think sister B (Tier 3) is not part of her bubble, as Mum is not a single household, she has sister A living with her, and cannot visit outside her household.
A is not classed as Mum's carer, as she works over 40 hours a week, so technically is a co-habitee.
This has caused a massive row.
If anyone can shine a light I would be grateful

PS. Mum is sublimely disinterested - as far as she has company she is happy.

Bu this is causing major fallouts between the rest of the family.

Buffybee Tue 27-Oct-20 15:12:04

I would think that Mum and Sister A, who lives with her are one household and Sister B who lives alone can be in a bubble with them.
So, In my understanding of the rules, I think Sister B is correct.

BlueBelle Tue 27-Oct-20 15:15:21

Well whatever the tiers and bubbles might be I think that is totally irrelevant Surely your mum is most at danger from the sister who lives with her and goes out each day to do frontline work as a care worker in a hospital bringing back whatever, on a daily basis I would think any other trips would be insignificant after being open to Infection on a daily basis and again forgetting bubbles and tiers neither your mum through association or your sister living with her should be visiting any third party

BlueBelle Tue 27-Oct-20 15:18:55

Rereading my post it was a bit wordy
In my opinion mum and sister A (her house mate) should not be meeting up with anyone else because of the highly significant job your sister does

welbeck Tue 27-Oct-20 15:21:34

agree with BB.
it would be better if the sisters could swap where they live. at least pro tem. but i guess not practicable, re work commute.

Franbern Tue 27-Oct-20 16:23:59

How was the fact that Mum was sheltered earlier this year work out with her flat mate (Anna) continuing to work in a Care home setting? Did she and Mum keep totally separate during that time?
Sister B Brenda lives by herself, and therefore - totally with the rules - can be in a bubble with Mum.
You say Mum and I are in tier 2 - does that mean that you are Sister A and the one living with Mum?

Lucca Tue 27-Oct-20 16:27:23

Or are you sister C?

Meg54 Tue 27-Oct-20 17:06:26

Mum and Anna (A) are mother and daughter.
Anna works in a hospital, not a care home. We are lucky enough to have two major hospitals and Anna works in the "clean" hospital, and is massively hygenic.
I am sister C.

mumofmadboys Tue 27-Oct-20 17:15:50

I think family peace is far more important than the rule book. I suppose both A and B are carers of some sort for your mum. How old is she? I personally think it is OK for A sand B to be involved with your Mum's care and all use the usual precautions. Hope you all make up soon.

suziewoozie Tue 27-Oct-20 18:25:13

Govt guidance (not law) is that support bubble or no support bubble people should limit as much as possible moving between tiers 2 and 3 to visit people and/or stay overnight. That makes complete sense to me especially given the age and health of the mother in this family. How can it be right (morally) for someone to come from a Tier 3 area and behave like this including taking the mother out for lunch?

Jaxjacky Tue 27-Oct-20 19:16:49

I’m rather uncomfortable with the whole of sister B’s proposal, what does ‘part’ of her bubble mean? and as she’s tier 3, no way.
I think your Mum is exposed already, her choice I understand, with sister A.

Franbern Wed 28-Oct-20 09:23:28

Please do not have a fallout in the family on this (or any other such issue), In all times, particularly the hard ones as they are, arguments and fallouts are just about the worst things.
Obviously, your Mum wants and needs company, particularly as her home sharer is out working for so long each week, leaving her by herself.
Do remember Mums mental health requirements need to be factored in to any arrangements for her.
Are you able to see her at all?
Yes, Sister B could count herself as in a bubble with Mum and Sister A. although if she is, at present in a Tier 3 area then that would probably have to be in suspension for now.
Please try to work this out amicably as the last thing any of you want to come out of this is any form of long-term family break up,.

SpringyChicken Wed 28-Oct-20 09:30:37

If in tier three, isn’t the instruction not to travel unless it’s essential?

suziewoozie Wed 28-Oct-20 09:37:47


If in tier three, isn’t the instruction not to travel unless it’s essential?

I’ve already explained this - it’s guidance not law

SpringyChicken Wed 28-Oct-20 09:40:32

Sorry, I didn’t read everyone’s response. Am holding my head in shame, Suzie

suziewoozie Wed 28-Oct-20 09:59:33


Sorry, I didn’t read everyone’s response. Am holding my head in shame, Suzie

It’s hardly a long thread is it? And what you posted was wrong anyway

claresc0tt Wed 28-Oct-20 10:01:00

I would use common sense!

suziewoozie Wed 28-Oct-20 10:04:52


I would use common sense!

Which is? Can you buy it in a bottle?

Purplecatlover1 Wed 28-Oct-20 10:07:21

Sister b is right, she can make a bubble with sister a and mum but as sister b is in a tier 3 area the whole bubble cannot socialise inside or outside with any other households or family members. The whole bubble should follow the tier three rules. Which would mean you can’t see any of them?

They could go out for food etc. as a bubble but does she really want to take that risk with mums health, especially if mum was shielded earlier in the year?

It could be argued that sister b needs to care for mum and for her own mental health so travel between both households in the bubble is necessary.

Would it be possible for you mum to go stay with sister b for longer? She would be less at risk from sister a accidentally infecting her as sister a is high risk given her job. Sister a could still be a bubble with them so could still visit though again the guidelines say don’t travel into and out of tier 3 unless necessary but again bubbles to support each other’s mental health or provide care can be necessary travel.

Sister a and mum can have a bubble with either you or sister b, if you are single, if you are not single then you can’t visit even in tier 2. This bubble cannot be chopped and changed, it’s one only.

Tier 2 are allowed to visit each other outside, so a walk in the park, or a coffee at outdoor seating but no visiting inside mums house or inside coffee shops, pubs or restaurants, unless your a bubble.

luluaugust Wed 28-Oct-20 10:12:06

I reckon sister B who is in Tier 3 should stay where she is, specially as your mum isn't bothered, why risk it.

nipsmum Wed 28-Oct-20 10:13:27

Sorry I can't be helpful. Puzzles are beyond me.

Bijou Wed 28-Oct-20 12:16:30

I find the whole situation puzzling. My home help , the only person who usually comes into my home, has been away to visit her dying mother. Her daughter offered to come but I refused because she works in a care home
My helps friend came instead. But she has husband and sons who go out to work so I am very appreciative even though she wore a visor. Disinfected everything after she left.

Buffybee Wed 28-Oct-20 12:17:32

Purplecatlover explains the guidance well and is correct that Sister B can be in a bubble with Sister A and Mum.

petra Wed 28-Oct-20 12:30:36

Apologies for the black humour but this thread is beginning to sound like the Arena Scene in The Life Of Brain. The one where Stan wants to be a woman.
If your not a Life Of Brain fan it won't mean didly squat.
As you were.

Hetty58 Wed 28-Oct-20 12:34:47

Putting aside the guidance, rules - and various versions of 'common sense' (whatever that is) - does Mum really need the visits from sister B?

A visitor from Tier 3 is a potential risk, after all. Perhaps sister B is the one who 'needs' to visit, is just being difficult, demanding her 'right' to see Mum. If so, I think it's very selfish to put somebody's life at risk!