learning difficulties

I like all your little SAYINGS, Bunny, are you a newbie? Haven't seen a lot of you previously !!

One of the most funny things always happened with me was that whenever there was a revision class and the teachers asked questions and she would ask questions and i would know almost all of them and whenever it's my turn i get this bombastic question that no one can answer not even me ...but it is fun and curiosity to know the answer !!

I guess stoney silence is the answer!!

I do think it was far more accepted that some kids were just not very able. 'Remedial' classes often tended to just do more of the same rather than offer a different or specific diet though some strategies were becoming available (reading recovery etc).

As illustrated by this quote, 'And was a whole generation blighted by being seated in form order, back in the days when - as the Thora Hird line in Victoria Wood's play has it - "There was no such thing as dyslexia, you were sat at the back, with raffia"?'

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA Well said Nonu i guess your absolutely correct !!

lol, happiness is key to success !!

if people are trying to bring you down that means that your are above of all of them !! be happy#stay happy .

I learnt that life is not a bed of roses and life is too short with an eye blink everything changes so keep moving cause if you stay in the same place you might be missing the good bits somewhere else . so keep moving and stay ahead !!

bunnyroller what are you rolling?

I am not convinced the OP's friends brother has "Learning difficulties".

I am 59. I was born in 1955. Yes,there werepeople who had " special needs" when I went to school. The categorisation was very different. Down's Syndrome ( I am sure you will all recall) was called " Mongalism" and such children went of to special schools for the "mentally subnormal" So did many others before they were 7. They would go to "special scjools " too - not the same ones as the DS children but ones for "slow learners" ( I am sure there was a proper label but I cannot say what it was) We would call all of these mild/ moderate and severe learning difficulties now.

I recall one boy in my infants school (he was a terror and I think many were afraid of him - he may well have been classified as ADD or ADHD or even ASD now or even EBD - all PC words for the same spectrum of behaviours)). Back then he was considered " Maladapted". There were " special schools " for the maladapted. I know because I lived near one in 1966. Then there were the " remedial groups" ( known cruelly as " thick" ) in most SM's. Then SM was also streamed - A ( for those who didnt pass the 11+ but were average or above and B for those who were average and below).

I observed all of this because I was one of those kids misplaced - passed the 11+ but therewerent places in the grammar school , but lets not go there.

No, the OP's friends brother sounds like my husband. My DH was a perfectly normal man until he lost his job back in 2008. He was officially retired ( was 58 and had worked for his firm man and boy - apprentice - for 40 years). They gave him 3 days notice and the rest of his timewasworked in "leave taking".

It came as a big shock he didnt want to go. He often tellsme now his job kept him going . He had not considered what he would do when he retired and there was no care from his firm , not even a retirement seminar, and he has gone from bad to worse.

I call it the "Victor Medrew Syndrome" although my DH'scase relateslittle to that character beyond being made redundant and retired off "let go" etc. Followed by the humiliation of the job centre and signing on (until 60 for his NI stamp because the govt didnt change the rules about 44 years NI contribution until after he reached 60).

My DH is justlike the one described -maybe worse. he wont go out.He has no friends, his only friends were work colleagues and they didnt want to know. His own family didnt want to know because being " redundant " they feared he wouldask for money or free trips or something! Nasty b*GGERS!!"!! But so many are like that.

He couldnt get another job, even though he hadnt got the will to do so. He has now gone from bad to worse. he wont wash, he wont go out, he wont go to the door. He is paranoid in the extreme. He is likely depressed ( but a visit tothe GP yeilded on high blood pressure pills he probably doesnt need as they made him ill and a comment he should diet.

He eats non stop. He goes to bed all day when I am working. He has now stopped me having a window cleaner or a milkman because he says it " cost too much" I say stopped because if I send for these people he will argue with me and them and they will go away ( been there). The real reason was he didnt want anyone calling at the house. He wont maintain the house or garden. He wont allow me to do so either.

He has on a couple of occassions argued with the neighbours over silly things and he is obsessive - he wont let it go. If I were not here , I suspect it would not be long before he was a tramp. He is obsessed with poverty ( he has enough tolive on) with being " sacked" and with nothing to occupy him - and he doesnt want anything. He wants his old job. He wont have anything done to the houseto keep it up and depite his real skills ( he was a tradesman and a trades technician - so not bloody " special needs" or " learning difficulties" there)

I live in fear of what I will come home to if he is approached by neighbours over the state of the garden or similar ( they have done so already) I also live in fear of some nosey busybody reporting him to the SS.

Things are bad enough. I think there are many men out therelikemy DH and the man in the OP. Its not learning difficulty.Its got more to do with our society and the failure to provide something for these men.

Its not demetia either ( before someone decides they know) He has all his faculties but wont use them. This kind of situation is a very real one formany.

That's a very difficult situation for you both - it sounds as if he's depressed and has lost all sense of his self-worth. Male identity is more to do with their working life than that of a female - we have so many different roles.
Could he do some private work in his old trade? maybe ask relatives and friends to ask him to help out.
I would also try to get him to do some cooking, make his own meals and something for you when you get home.
Have you any children?

I can only imagine the awful situation you are in Maries Your DH sounds clinically depressed.

Whilst there are a couple of similarities with 'R' there are also many differences. He had problems prior to his redundancy. He is a compulsive shopper. He goes out every day, spends more than he can afford on all sorts, mostly food. He has two chest freezers full to the brim. He lives alone !
He cannot handle his paperwork, he brings it all to his sister. I could go on but I'll spare you.

Tricia - I have tried all of that. He wont go out of the house. Not that he is the kind who can be selfemployed .It does take a type ,I know because my family ran a business. I am not the type, neither is he.

The closets I have got to what he suffers from is called " Diogenes Syndrome". It isnt that pronounced in DH , mainly because I am here to look after him. However, Diogenes syndrome isnt actually a mental illness. Its not on any of the medical criteria references. In actual fact because of that mental health or social services should not get involved - which I suspect is why in the OP's post they have tried to categorise itas learning difficulties.

It has been associated with dementia in the very old ( this is the disorder that causes squalor in houses, hording of newspapers and such like and general dirtiness) and with frontal lobe brain damage and with childhood prolonged poverty but can also attack anyone without that. In the USA they have associated it with PTSD as well.

I do in my DH's case blame his employer for the way they treated him ( had they even suggested some seminar where he could have been taken through his finaincial situation and give alternatives for hobbies etc he may have faired better). I agree men do shape their identities more by their work than women and thats why he should have been given some guidance. I am sure there are many more like him hiding in houses and under the radar.

As it is, he has become a recluse. He is obsessive and would be a hoarder if I did not stop him. He does lack personal hygiene and hasnt had his hair cut for over a year. I nag him and eventually he allows me to cut it. He sometimes will have a shower ( if someone calls and asks him to go out -like his sister used to or now occassionally one of his old friends). As these men who once didnt want to know have reached retirement ( 65) before DH ( he reaches 65 next Feb) they now have time on their hands too. But he wont always go to their get togethers.
I have bought hair clippers to cut his hair because he wont go to the hairdressers. But it is difficult. Getting him to shower and change his clothes is extremely difficult.

If I die before him I do not know what will happen.

Diogenes syndrome is not a MHA issue so it isnt actually possible to do anything in terms of treatment although I have read that the old 1948 National Assistance Act, Section 47 , which is still on the statute books, can be used to get help for people like my DH if they get to the point where they have no one to take care of them and they deteriorate. It works on the principle of helping ( as in assistance which is what it was about) someone unable to help get themselves out of conditions of squalor. Its not mental health services or social services. Thats why most people like DH are getting missed.

It sounds absolutely bloody, for both of you.

ninathenana ,
I think you should look up diogenes syndrome. It manifests in some of the ways you speak of. I think whilst there are differences, the tendency to buy and hoard ( with my husband its old useless obsolete cameras and computers he buys usually off ebay or some other auction site).

It costs but I " afford" it by cutting back elsewhere. DH has though always been a "collector" of things. He has had many collections over the 35 years I have known him. Mostly after he has lost interest I have gotten rid of them. I do all the paperwork now, although when the electric bill comeshe willspend hours working out the coststo a fraction of a penny per minute sometimes! ( he has a brain ).

I can imagine what you may be going through. As you say, your person is alone, left to their own devices, the problems increase. This is why I worry about DH being left if I die.

My husband has a few things in common with yours, MarieS. Especially the hair cutting.
I asked him why he doesn't want to cut his hair, and he said it's one of the last signs of his virility. He's 70. And he has a beard too.
He's got the buy and hoard thing too - Oh Dear , but he's always been like that. And he does shower regularly.
Can't think what else to say, except tell him you love him sometimes and give him a cuddle.