Gransnet forums


Summer break - for who?

(21 Posts)
rubylady Wed 27-Aug-14 07:29:13

Took the advice on the ? (lol). Thank you all for being there this last few weeks. My DS came onto his summer break in the middle of June after his last exam (was told to stay home as he would distract the ones still doing exams at college). It's been 10 weeks now! He isn't one to go out much although friends have come and stayed and he has gone to pics, McD's etc. but mostly stayed in at his computer. He is basically a good lad, but we have had a few words now and then. I just want my time back to myself now and he is ready to go back to college. It has been too long for him to be off. He won't get away with being home all the time next year, he'll be working or voluntary work. He has had a hard time due to being assaulted at school, home schooled for four years so he's done well to get back into college and socialise again. But I can be too soft on him and feeling sorry for him wont do him any good in future so to work next time. (Us parents learn too.)

I do wonder though when children are on summer break who the break is for? lol My break will come on the 9th when it's 9am and he's back in, lol. I do love him to bits but there is only so much I can take in about games he plays, red hot chilli peppers, Breaking Bad, TT races etc. I've always loved the children being off for the summer but over 10 weeks is far too long. If they are not doing an exam they should still be in college doing some learning. When home schooling we didn't have holidays off as such, he tended to be learning all year. Even on a holiday he was still learning. In college though he has the opinion that once home learning ends and play begins. I'm going to have my work cut out this next two years while he does his 'A' levels. College needs to tell him too to work at home as well as in college.

Do other GNers think that the summer break is too long?

Are other GNers ready for school to begin again if looking after DGC?


GrannyTwice Wed 27-Aug-14 08:00:31

Do you mean specifically the 10 week break your dgs has just had? As you say, this is a result of his doing exams. The external exam dates are nothing to do with the schools. The actual logistics of conducting exams ( by exams I mean the external ones ) are very complex and happen alongside the rest of the pupils having normal lessons. It would be very difficult if not impossible to be teaching those sitting exams in between their exams(IYSWIM). As you did home schooling, you would have been in a good position to arrange some structured learning activities with him or could have asked for advice from the school. It's only after GCSEs that there is the long break now as after A levels, school is finished anyway. So my answer to your question is that the long break in this instance results from a complex and lengthy exam season (which is very very different from when we were doing O levels) that the schools handle as well as they can.

Aka Wed 27-Aug-14 08:03:28

But summer breaks are not usually 10 weeks are they? This is only the case because he took his GCSE and then was asked to stay at home. Yes, teenagers can be a pain in the arse difficult but at least you'll be rid of him soon when he starts his 'A' level course.

Nonu Wed 27-Aug-14 08:16:59

Bet you will miss him deep down when he has left.

rubylady Wed 27-Aug-14 08:37:39

Thanks for replies so far but I was meaning just the normal six weeks that other children get off over summer, not the break my son has had.

Aka lol, like the post. I don't really want to be rid of him but like when his dad was on shift work and at home during the day, I feel like I cant get done around the house the same with him around. It's been a good excuse though just to keep things ticking over until he starts back.

Nonu I will miss him, I always do. I'll be looking forward to October and half term. I'm a woman, a man can never win whatever he does, lol.

petallus Wed 27-Aug-14 08:42:40

I certainly find the Summer holidays more wearing than the rest of the year. I would imagine many of us who have grandchildren do.

Soutra Wed 27-Aug-14 08:45:03

Am I confusing you with somebody else? I thought you had been on your own for the last 8 or so years and you were eying up the Tesco delivery man/nice Scottish chap in the supermarket queue? confused

Nonu Wed 27-Aug-14 09:09:36

RUBY, and October is not that far away is it ?

Soutra Wed 27-Aug-14 09:34:55

Half term?

ninathenana Wed 27-Aug-14 16:40:27

Try having an out of work 23yr old that has no friends only leaves his room to eat or when his nephews are here (he's great with them). I could cope with 10wks if I knew there was an end.
As for the DGC I can't wait till the 8th when we will have just the one until after school. They are no bother individually but squabble most of the time when together sad

ninathenana Wed 27-Aug-14 16:42:38

Soutra do schools not have half term where you are ?

upsydaisy Wed 27-Aug-14 19:42:40

I must just be soft but I'd say give the lad a break. He's got a hard two years ahead of him and a lifetime of going to work, so 10 weeks of playing games and generally doing nothing? I'd be of the same attitude as your son myself.

Aww, I can sympathise with ninathenana. Your son being in his room all the time isn't any bother, its the incessant worrying of what will become of him? That's the hard bit. It hurts and makes you really sad when your kids end up completely on their own.

rubylady Thu 28-Aug-14 00:37:44

Soutra I never said I was living on my own, I said I was single. Half term, yes, when the college breaks for a week. You do seem to have a problem with my posts, leaving quite sarcastic comments back. I do not thank you too for leaving private messages about my grammar. It was the middle of the night and I was not composing War and Peace. Go and pick on someone else. If I have got the wrong end of the stick then I apologise, but it doesn't seem that way.

nina I can sympathise with you about your son. I had a problem with my son, he has suffered from depression and was quite ill for some time. He now has counselling and is starting to feel better. Is there any voluntary work that he could be doing? Did he have friends while at school? Maybe a visit to his GP would help to get him into some counselling and help him get back into being with others. I know it is hard, especially as they get older. I was at my wits end trying to think of things, but it all came to a head and my son agreed to try counselling and now would advise other young people to do the same. He was adamant that he would not go at first but is now glad he has done. Good luck to you and your son. flowers

upsydaisy I have given him lots of time to himself, especially over the time when he has been ill with depression. But he is getting himself sorted now, seeing a counselor and working hard at socialising again and I am very proud of him for this. There does come a time, however, that children have to buckle down and work hard at their studies if they want to get anywhere in their own life. I don't want him to be obsessed with his gaming and then not have a career that he loves to work hard at. For him, not for me. He is an intelligent lad, he will go far in his life with dedication to study. I have told him to enjoy the last two weeks of his holiday but after that it's time to work hard. Maybe my OP wasn't as lighthearted as I thought it was. I was only asking others if they found the holidays a long stretch with bored children. You can't keep them occupied 24/7 for six weeks.

Ceesnan Thu 28-Aug-14 07:09:13

Rubylady you have my sympathy - my DS1 used to be like yours, very solitary and finding school difficult. In effect he "left" school at 15 and eventually started working with me in a catering environment. Being accepted for who he was not what lessons he could do well at worked wonders for his self esteem and he blossomed. Now, many years later he is happy and successful with his own business. I sincerely hope that your DS continues to improve flowers. By the way, ignore critical pms, they're not worth it and just reflect badly on the sender!

Nonu Thu 28-Aug-14 10:00:11

RUBY you can always BLOCK posts !

Nonu Thu 28-Aug-14 10:04:10

Silly NONU , meant PM"S NOT posts!

Think I must have de-mob fever this morning, 2nd mistake!

Laugh & smile

Ariadne Thu 28-Aug-14 10:04:12

What a good idea, nonu!

NanKate Thu 28-Aug-14 10:31:13

We have done some heavy duty work with our GC this summer hols, which we have loved but it is such hard work.

I can never remember saying to my parents when we had a young son, that I/We needed 'Me Time' which seems to be said regularly to me and my friends.

I would like 'Me Time' NOW but my family does not seem to realise that Retirement is far from relaxing.

ninathenana Thu 28-Aug-14 11:03:19

ruby no he has never had friends, even at primary school he was a hanger on
He has no social skills, and barely talks to us let alone outsiders. He has said that he's willing to have counselling. Thanks, I will give him a push.

Stansgran Thu 28-Aug-14 16:01:39

Nankate i do agree. I've just placed the DGC in front of a DVD (it's raining). We've been on the go since dawn and have to flog them out into the garden. They do dislike playing out and it baffles me. I am sad that I can't wait for mum to arrive and take them home tomorrow.DH is having 40 winks and I'm drinking tea as a sort of life line.even the teddy bears are exhausted.

rubylady Fri 29-Aug-14 00:47:28

Thank you to the one saying about blocking messages. It's not in my nature to be off with someone but time after time of sarcastic comments are not needed in my opinion. We are on this site to help each other, to come together as an online community and support our media friends through the ups and downs of life. I am very much for the sisterhood, but some people (and I've noticed this in real life too) seem to get a kick out of making others feel insecure or inferior. I will ignore negativity in any post from now on because it does not have any place in my life anymore.

nina I am glad that you are going to try to help your son into some counselling. I had one doctor say that youths make appointments to go and then never turn up so he was going to tell my son that it was a waste of time to even be referred. I reported him to the practice manager. What a terrible thing to say and an awful attitude. I had times when I didn't want to go out because I was scared of what I would find when I got back as my son had had suicidal thoughts. And a doctor can say that. Unbelievable. So I do know how hard it will be for you right now. It's heartbreaking to see them shuffle back to their room and not be included in friends anywhere. Does he not talk to anyone online like we do with here? Or through his games? Does he go on a computer in his room? My son got out of it through talking to someone from abroad on a game he was playing. He regularly chatted to this lad and it really did help him. I know we say about online safety but I had a pen pal at school from France, never met her, so it was a similar situation. He has never met this lad and probably never will. But it did help at the time and for that I am grateful. Do you sit down to any family meals at the table any night? Or play board games with him? Chess maybe? It is really hard to try to engage someone who is suffering. I wish you all the luck in the world with this one. Maybe pick the phone up soon and make that appointment for him at the doctors. We all need a little support and help from time to time, regardless of our age. Best wishes. flowers

To all the wonderful grandparents who have taken on the task of looking after your DGC over the long holidays, you have done a marvellous job. You are better than me because I couldn't look after young children now for any length of time. Give yourselves a huge pat on the back. Your DGC will remember the time that you have given to them and the love, care, teaching and patience you have shown, it is invaluable to them. And then next week when they are all back in school, have a lovely long lie in. grin