Girlfriend staying in the car 'with the dogs'

Thank you Plumcushion, I have apologised and said I should have put my dog in the car - he's sent me a lovely photo of his dogs in return They were on their way home an hour away from here, so can't come back today. I hope we are friends again, I only have him and my daughter

mosaicwarts
You still have time to change today's outcome. Just message them now. Say sorry. Ask them to call back to you. Don't let this turn into something bigger when you can solve it.

Thanks for all your replies, how lovely of you to take the time.

I've been thinking a lot since I posted, and I did completely overeact, unfortunately.

I should have put MY dog in the car, they both could have come in with their dogs, and we should have had ten minutes together for coffee and cake.

I think the root of it all does boil down to me rather sadly wanting attention now I'm widowed, and her still having zero interest in getting to know me does upset me. I've never met her parents. Also, on the rare occasions my son does come here, she phones or texts him constantly and often he has to go back earlier than planned.

I've just got to learn to live with it, she's not interested. I do envy people who have DIL's that are like second daughters.

Thank you for your support

I can see a couple of other ways it could have gone.

Firstly, you could have suggested walking all dogs on leads together. All walking together with your son and girlfriend, you and your sheltie. Dogs are pack animals, and for the most part enjoy the company of dogs they know, when walking nicely and ignoring each other as they trot along, they could then have all been led into your garden or yard.
You could have all enjoyed a coffee or whatever on the patio, in the garden or whatever.

The other thing you could have done is, after speaking to your son for a few moments, at the door, go over to the car and say hello to the girlfriend and give their dogs a fuss and a treat. Even if you only 'talked dogs' with her it would have been better than nothing. Obviously you like dogs, or you would not own one.

Perhaps you were disappointed and annoyed in equal measure, and just lashed out? If it was me I would try harder to forge a relationship with the girlfriend, and their dogs!

Don't beat yourself up about it though, hopefully you will get another chance to restore the balance.

Please apologize to your son and gf.
They made the effort to visit you and you lashed out to him when you did not get your 10 minute visit.
You yourself said you did not expect to see him so why were you unhappy when they stopped by to say hi? You need to be honest with yourself and recognize that you did expect him to stay for coffee at least or lunch.
Remember, she did agree to stop by too.

It is not up to you what he and his gf decided to do with the doggies. They are adults and they make their own decisions. You need to respect them.

I think the main problem here is your perceived lack of relationship with his gf.
How often would you ideally want to see her? What kind of relationship would you like to have with her?
Remember that her being his gf does not warrant a relationship with you.

They may get married and she may be the mother of your grandchildren. Having a respecful relationship with them is the key to being able to see them in the future

OP, I think you overreacted. But it's done now. Maybe a text to say you are sorry and possibly they could all come back for tea after their dog walk? Is the weather nice there? Could you sit outside?

If she's been your DS's GF for eight years, and you've seen her less than a dozen times, I think it highly unlikely that you'll ever have anything that even resembles a relationship.

Try not to worry and be upset by it mosaicwarts, what's most important is that you have your relationship with your son.

Explain to your son that you find it hurtful that his GF appears to have no interest in getting to know you, and that you'd hoped to enjoy the cake you'd bought for his bday and allowed your disappointment to get the better of you.

Sorry, but I think the girlfriend was out of order. The dogs could have been left in the car or tied up in your front garden away from your dog (or could your own dog have been put out in the garden?)
A shame that what could have been a nice little get-together was spoilt by lack of thought and consideration.

I hate when that sort of thing happens. The short visit, unplanned and not to suit you.
I sympathise. It makes you feel awful.
Just try to relax now.
One of my Dil never takes her coat off when she visits, or hardly ever.
It isn't personal though as I've discovered she does, or rather doesn't, at other houses too.

I’m sorry you were hurt.

Try not to take it personally. There is so much out now about not leaving dogs alone in cars.

I suspect that was a spur of the moment kneejerk reaction by the OP who obviously is thinking about the incident after the event. Yes the girlfriend should have made more of an effort but mosaicwarts could have been less short with them both. What a pity that such a potentially nice occasion has been spoilt in this way. Any chance of sending a conciliatory text to the poor son?

For goodness sake even if you thought the girlfriend rude it’s up to her if she stays in the car, why be so mean to your son

That's a nice way of thinking of it FlexibleFriend, thanks. Now I'm on my own I am super sensitive

To be fair without knowing the dogs they could be destructive when left so try not to think of it that she's avoiding you.