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Estrangement

Ill health

(12 Posts)
Bopeep14 Fri 05-Jul-19 11:49:26

Would you tell your estranged Adult child/ children if you were seriously ill?

Septimia Fri 05-Jul-19 11:51:17

Yes - or I'd get someone else to tell them, making it clear that there were no expectations implied.

jusnoneed Fri 05-Jul-19 13:51:07

Nope.
My eldest told me 10 years ago that what he told his family (concerned children from his first marriage) was none of my business and hasn't had contact since. That was his choice and I'm afraid I always believe if people cannot be bothered with you in good times/life they shouldn't appear when things are not so good or someone has died.

M0nica Fri 05-Jul-19 15:44:44

I think, as the above posts show, it all depends on the circumstances.

Purpletinofpaint Mon 08-Jul-19 01:04:06

I think you should, you never know what might come of it.

sodapop Mon 08-Jul-19 08:13:49

In two minds here. A bit of me agrees with Septimia but then would I want them back in my life purely because I was ill.
It's a very personal decision Bopeep14 and to some extent depends on the history behind the estrangement

EllanVannin Mon 08-Jul-19 08:21:59

I don't think so.

BradfordLass72 Tue 09-Jul-19 00:55:06

This question arose for me not so long ago when I was very ill, rushed to hospital and it seriously crossed my mind I may never get out alive.

I am not in direct contact with my estranged adult son but via his daughter (my wonderfully loving grand-daughter) it would be possible to get a message to him.

I chose not to.

I am still not sure of the motivation behind it. Maybe I was scared to have it confirmed that even when I was at the point of death he still didn't care enough about me to contact. Who knows?

The fact is, it's been a long, long time now and he's had plenty of opportunities to send a message. Instead, he's crossed even more people off his list!

He is stubborn and proud and will probably never back down.
I'll leave it up to my Executors to contact him - if they choose to do so.

All I can do is thank my lucky stars that I had over 3 decades of his thoughtful kindliness, his amazing humour and quick wit and his genuine support during some very rough times.

Minniemoo Tue 09-Jul-19 00:58:56

I think I possibly would try to let them know via other avenues. Friends or relatives who are still in touch. Of course it depends on the circumstances of the estrangement but I think I'd probably find a way to inform them. It could cause loads of problems later down the road. It's a tricky one.

crazyH Tue 09-Jul-19 01:03:03

Your last paragraph tells me you are a ' glass is half full person '👍----Bradford lass

Sara65 Tue 09-Jul-19 06:54:00

If my mother, who I’m estranged from, should become dangerously ill, as indeed she will do some day, being in her nineties. I would hope for her recovery, but I wouldn’t contact her or visit, to me, it would seem like hypocrisy, I don’t want any death bed reconciliations, let her be surrounded by the people who genuinely care about her.

Bibbity Tue 09-Jul-19 09:46:14

I’d be careful of the method of delivery. It can often appear manipulative to the estranged.