No wisdom I'm afraid Nothisagain but a degree of understanding.
Your husband has said "he's not chasing her" and "not to plead for contact" or "discuss what she has said with her sisters" and as you have said, he's right.
Your D appears to have issues that only she can deal with. You can help of course but only if she wants that help and accepts it.
You say you feel as if you're being punished for your own behaviour when younger. Please don't feel this way, you may find that counselling would help you to address these feelings; have you ever considered this?
None of us are perfect, I always say that we are imperfect adults, who became imperfect parents and did our best to raise our imperfect children.
It's so hard sometimes not to repeat with our own children, what we experienced with our own parents and found hurtful and/or unhelpful.
My advice for what it's worth, is not to contact your D. Do what you would normally do at Christmas, sending a card and gift for example, but apart from that do nothing.
It wont be easy especially as you have concerns for your D's mental health but realistically as things are, I don't see what other options are open to you at this time..