A Breakdown of Family Estrangement

Summerlove,

Oops, my bad ?

Hithere are you sure? I was under the impression that children (especially babies) were Prozac?

Brilliant Hithere

Starblaze, wise words. People are not prozac

At the end of the day, we have to create our own happiness, not depend on others for it. So if someone makes you unhappy, wave goodbye and move on because YOU are responsible for your own happiness.

Night Starblaze!

Too much talking, not enough listening, it's a dynamic I hate being suckled into.

Night ladies.

I should have said NPD

Oh yes of course as it is obvious to EP's who narcissists are, when we've welcomed them into our families unaware of their true nature, and watched as they've torn our families apart.

Abusiveness is also learned behaviour and can be unlearned which is why not all who were abused become abusers.

*Please don't tell me this is another thread that will be deleted as well because it becomes heated

I give it a day or two*

It would be a shame if it was Hithere. I'm not sure they are all deleted because they become heated. Some at least are because of the specific nature of the posts I think. There do seem to have been a lot of deletions recently, which is a shame as useful discussions and information get lost.

Fleas and narcissism not the same, learned behaviour can be unlearned... Abusiveness not so much.

Oh yes fleas Madgran! One of the most painful things of parenting for me was the time I was a parent before I understood how I'd been raised. So much of what I thought was normal wasn't. I learnt by seeing the hurt look on quite often, my children's faces. If I hadn't woken up and broken the cycle, I may have faced being estranged myself. I was able to learn though because I do have empathy.

NM tried to teach me a lot of ways to manipulate others. Like for example: she would tell me she would make people uncomfortable by staring at their nose or their ear and pulling a very slight disgusted face when talking to them. This she said, gave her the upper hand in the conversation. Or just hurt people she didn't like.

I thought as a young Ault manipulating people was absolutely fine... Until I faced the consequences.

Breaking the cycle

Please don't tell me this is another thread that will be deleted as well because it becomes heated

I give it a day or two

Of course all EPs aren't to blame. Sometimes it's obvious to us that they are... Because we have direct experience of how abusive parents tend to behave. Especially if we have watched them take our own family away using these sorts of techniques.

Very informative, thank you.

Thanks Madgran I'll have a look.

I'm not saying they're all horrible or discrediting them, it's a perfectly valid question; how many people who are raised by narcissists become narcissists? Sometimes a cycle of abuse is broken and sometimes it isn't.

The "Raised by Narcissists" website talks about FLEAS in this context Smileless. Link below.

www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1p1uag/help_i_think_i_am_a_narcissist/

*Madgran raised by narcissists has 498 THOUSAND members

It's a lot of people to all be taken in by a "cult mentality" eh? I've read some truly disturbing things there*

I will have a look

I'm not saying they're all horrible or discrediting them, it's a perfectly valid question; how many people who are raised by narcissists become narcissists? Sometimes a cycle of abuse is broken and sometimes it isn't.

Who is to say the m.i.l. is being self serving? Her account differs entirely from her d.i.l.'s which is to be expected but that doesn't mean the m.i.l. is lying anymore than the d.i.l. is.

There are numerous accounts from EP's, are they all self serving because it's their EAC and/or their EAC's partner who are at fault and responsible for the estrangement?

With so many accounts that discredit EP's and EGP's, why is it so shocking and unbelievable to even consider that it isn't always their fault?

DiL is vilified by 'Dan's' family. DiL is made the 'bad guy' in a self-serving book by MiL.

Trying to clarify that she is not the villain she is being cast as is her 'continuing the drama'?

So I guess that means they should be good little victims and sit down and be quiet...

I'm sure you will decide they are all horrible but you can't discredit them all.

Oh not this again Smileless, I'm talking about what people there have been through, not talking about you. Go read them, judge for yourself. Hell of a lot of cycle breakers there in my opinion. Almost half a million.

What about the EAC who is being manipulated by their partner, criticised by their partner, controlled by their partner and in some cases beaten by their partner, and becomes so enmeshed in their relationship with their partner, that they lose all contact with the family and friends?

Does a group membership or 48,000 mean 48,000 are breaking the cycle? How many who were raised by narcissists become narcissists?

498 Thousand people breaking the cycle. It's wonderful.

A lot of cases children of abusive people are more open to being abused by partners if there was abuse going up. Manipulated by a parent, beaten by a parent, criticised by a parent, enmeshed relationship with a parent. All makes people more likely to see that as normal and comfortable in a relationship. Similarly, all narcissists were likely abused or suffered severe trauma.

This is why we need to be open an honest now and break these cycles.