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My teenage son has just split from his pregnant girlfriend. He only started going with her in January and she was pregnant in May. Hes just turned 19 and she is 18. They new each other when they were small and then met up early this year. My son realised she was quite controlling right at the beginning but did nothing and then she was pregnant and now admits he would of split up earlier if it had not been for the baby. My son has just started in the army and she does not work. He said he did suggest at the beginning that he did not think they should have the baby this early on in their relationship when they first found out they were having her but she was like, no we will be having her. He soon came round to thinking the baby would be fine and hoped him and her ould make it work. Its not for me to judge either way what they would decide to do and once they made the decision I was behind them. Her parents were the same. They live in England and Im up in Scotland so we have only met once so I dont know everything they would be saying. For the last year my son has traveled 2 hours most weekends to stay with his girlfriend and hardly came up the road to our house as she is very spoilt and made him feel guilty if he was not spending time with her. She has also bought all the things she wants for the baby, My son got told this was what she liked and they got it or she bought without him. They got a joint account set up and he has been putting money in and she has not as she obviously does not work.
She has absolute strops when she does not get her own way and my son just the other day said he could not cope with how she was making him feel. But now she is already making the baby be a weapon against him. She says he'll be notified of when the baby is born, she questioned why he would want to see future photos and videos. He has been told that he will have to make all the effort to go and see the baby but she will have to be there. Where she lives he would need to get a hotel or something or he'll only get to see her for a few hours or pay for accomodation. She has also told him she wants £260 paid to her each month to cover baby costs and when he said he might struggle financially to be able to see the baby her response was - not my problem. She told me yesterday she will be doing what she can for HER daughter as I tried to remind her that he is the dad and just because they have broke up that should not affect my son and his daughter. She is living at her parents and they will be looking after her so we dont have any access to this litte girl coming and neither does my son. Is there any advice for where my son can go for help to see what he can do to be a dad. I think English law will be different to Scottish as well so not clued up on what it will ll involve. Many thanks a very worried mum
If your son wishes to have contact with his child and mother is not in agreement to this he should consult a solicitor with a view to making an application for a child arrangement order. He would initially have to attend a mediation appointment (with or without ex partner) before he can file an application to the court. Hth
No acanthus, I don't think we can be sure at all.
acanthus "she/he/it". How derogatory! And yet your post has absolutely nothing to do with this thread! You should post in the political threads if trump troubles you so much!
CMS payment would be just under £200 a month based on father earning £20000 p/a and having no overnight care of child
They seem to be a nice young couple. I wonder why they split up. I hope they will be okay, especially the baby .
From the spellings and vocabulary used in Movingon's posts, I assume she/he/it hails from N. America. Can we be sure these posts are not coming from 'The Donald'?
Oh yes, ananmious, how "absurd" to believe that both parties in a sexual relationship should take responsibility for contraception or that both parents should be involved in raising a child.
I don't think that contributing £260 per month is taking financial responsibility.
It is just that - making a contribution to his child's welfare.
Yes, Gonegirl you're right regarding the meaning of cash cow,
Just one more quick post...
I realize I'm not clear on whether or not XGF will stay w/ her parents in England after baby is born. If so, they will be providing room and board. So DS will not be the only one taking responsibility for the financial end. Even if XGF doesn't/can't, her parents will be stepping up. In fact, it's possible she's asking for the amount she is to take some of the burden off of them or so that she can move out over time.
"why is the guy the one to have to take financial responsibility but has no say in whether a pregnancy goes ahead or not."
I get this ^. But he doesn't have a say in whether the pregnancy goes through or not b/c it's not happening in his body. The financial aspect doesn't come into play till the baby is here. I know it seems unfair to the dads. But one can't half have a baby and half not. Nature didn't allow for that kind of fairness (she says only half in jest).
Oh, thinking again... XGF may feel she has to be present when DS visits b/c the child will be a new baby. Also, if she's planning to breastfeed.
Of course, the dad should pay some kind of child maintenance. How can anyone compare that to being a "cash cow?" Wouldn't he want to support/help support his child? in fact, I don't see anywhere that the OP said he didn't, just that he was concerned about the amount XGF wants.
And, painting, seriously? I don't see any grounds for accusations of "abuse' or "irresponsibility." Maybe you know someone like that, but this kind of thing is not reflected in the OP.
So sorry to hear about this situation, Worriedgranny! I hope some of the advice others have given about where DS (dear son) can turn for help is useful. Unfortunately, a lot of the arguing back and forth about what he can/should contribute financially and how visits will be handled is common after a breakup when there is a child involved. I hope he doesn't just automatically believe everything his XGF says, but I hope he doesn't write off everything she wants as "unreasonable" either. In short, I hope he lets the court decide. I imagine it will have to be a court in England since that's where the baby will live, but IDK for sure.
One thing I agree w/ is that it is easier for him to travel to see baby than for XGF to bring baby to him. But whether or not she "has to be there' will be decided by the courts, no doubt. Maybe she's just being overprotective, or maybe she has some reason she doesn't trust him w/ a baby (even if it's just lack of experience). Or maybe she thinks she'll use the baby to get him back. But, in the end, it probably won't be all her decision. As long as he's willing to step up and seek legal help.
Hoping all works out in the best interests of the baby!
Hithere -- I agree. This is just what this son/any AC wants as support at this point. Another age inappropriate lecture/being told how they "screwed up" and are 'wrong'.
The bird and the bees talk with her son has sailed a looooooong time ago ?
Just wanted to put some support on here for you OP. And ignore that bonkers painting person. Hope your son finds resolution. And give him a chat on condoms etc. Know too late this time, but he’s still very young...
Hithere -- It's called common sense. And yes. I have some.
Cheers.
I dunno. Can't get my 'ead round it all anymore.
I didn't say anything about anyone being a cash cow btw. I was just explaining what it meant cos moving seemed to have it wrong.
Let's hope not Hithere.
"I cannot help but wonder how different the comments would be if it was pregnant girl's mother here"
I swear you can read my mind.
Looking after adult responsibilities is not making the son a "cash cow".
I cannot help but wonder how different the comments would be if it was pregnant girl's mother here. Would the masses be in agreement that this young man needs to step up and take responsibility in that case?
Moving a cash cow is the person from whom money is being extracted. Like a cow being milked. Therefore the son would be the one being used as a cash cow by the girl.
I'm not saying I necessarily agree with any of that on this thread. It's just that you seem to have the meaning wrong.
Worriedgran seems to have lit (lighted ?) the blue touch paper and disappeared. Be interesting to have her take on all the posts.
sodapop I had a feeling of deja vu when I read this OP but thought it was perhaps because Worriedgran had written asking for help at the start of the pregnancy.
Teenage son, girlfriend, baby, Army, all rang a bell somewhere but I can't recall any more.
Possibly the worst spelling error I could have made at that point.
Mending not ending
I think poor OP has enough to contend with without people giving false information, branding a heavily pregnant, heart broken young woman as somehow evil and accusing anyone who speaks up for the young people taking responsibility for their own actions without jumping the gun herself as "nasty".
We are in the estrangement threads and we all know estrangement should be avoided by ending relationships if at all possible.. Not encouraged by grandma being told to get dna tests and how awful a very young adult is unfairly, thus stoking the fire.
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