I've been thinking that their situation reminds me of one of the classic IL situations and the classic case of mismatched expectations (rhyme not intentional, sorry), The ILs have certain ideas about how a young couple/DIL is supposed to fit into their family, but either the DIL or DIL and DS see things differently. MIL feels they need to work things out together - or in this case, GMIL (as in Queen calling for a meeting), but DIL doesn't feel she and DS need to discuss their choices w/ anyone (as in Meghan declining to attend the meeting b/c, from what I've heard, she "didn't think it was necessary"). And, of course, DS/DH (Prince Harry) is caught in the middle (attends the meeting alone, but keeps in touch w/ Meghan).
Clearly, the Queen and other Royals feel any changes in Harry and Meghan's roles need to be decided by them all as a family. But, just as clearly, Meghan feels she and Harry should be able to decide to live wherever they want and scale back their royal roles w/o input from the Queen or any other Royals.
And, you know, ordinarily I'd agree w/ her. But as I understand it, the Royal family has its own set of rules. And Meghan knew this is what she was getting into, no doubt, when she wed Harry. Also, as I said elsewhere, Queen Elizabeth has come along way as far as accepting the non-traditional choices of young Royals, and I think that should be appreciated. But IDK if Harry and Meghan see that or think it should impact their behavior.