I’m always amazed by how many people have had this problem with their mothers. I don’t know about others, but my mother is sweethness and light to other people, she always has been. Her behaviour was reserved for myself and my sister, but after my sister estranged her for seven years, she became more careful with my sister. My sister had real mental health problems and she still does, as she had difficult PiL as well, and probably her own difficulties too. I’ve thought about it a lot, and it’s my opinion that our mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and although I’m not a doctor, she ticks all the boxes for that condition. One of the very hurtful things she used to do was compare me and my family, that is her own grandchildren, unfavourably with her friends adult children, or even with my own cousins. I pondered on her behaviour for years, and cried and cried so much, and discussed it endlessly with my husband, and the over riding question in my mind was ‘why would a mother do/say that to her own child?’ I desperately wanted a normal mother, and I covered up her bad behaviour and pretended she was normal. I even wrote on Gransnet a few years ago ‘my lovely mum’ but she wasn’t ever a lovely mum and she’s not a lovely mum now, although a little less abrasive since she relies so heavily on us now. Even my sons don’t fully get it, my daughter does, she’s a doctor and sees straight through her Nana, but my sons don’t really understand, because although she said horrible things about them I tried to shield them from the worst of her behaviour, but I couldn’t shield them completely. And as they were children, they’ve forgotten things too. I asked my son about the incident where she pinned him against the wall, and he’s completely forgotten. But he remembers being called a Nazi child because of his blond hair.
Anyway she’s old now, and in a nursing home, and I do what I need to do, but the truth is that like Sago I’ll never be free till she’s gone. She’s 94 in two weeks time, how long can it go on till I get peace?