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Estrangement

Child arrangement court order

(792 Posts)
Unhappy1 Sat 10-Aug-19 16:36:13

Has anyone been to court for grandchild access...my case was dismissed...but are their any happy endings out there?

MissAdventure Sat 10-Aug-19 16:43:51

Hello, there is a thread which was active earlier stating that the grandparents didn't pursue the idea, as they had been told it probably wasn't worthwhile.

They now realise that leaving it means that they have less chance, as they'll be considered not to have had a relationship with the grandchildren in the past few months/years.

EllanVannin Sat 10-Aug-19 18:27:46

Sadly grandparents don't feature where some courts are concerned-----social services too.
I'd keep pushing if you have it in you and show your determination against these people who think they know everything.

Unhappy1 Sat 10-Aug-19 18:42:28

Unfortunately you cannot appeal the courts desicion....or I would. My court case lasted 9 mths....only to fail. I would like to know if anyone has won. The law must change...hopefully it will...but grandparents are on rocky ground from the start. Unfortunately I cud not afford a solicitor..ur brain turns to mush in the court. Especially when the other parties tell lies.

MissAdventure Sun 11-Aug-19 01:00:55

It's a strange system that cuts out complete sections of a child's family.
I don't understand how that can be right.
It must be awful for you.

stella1949 Sun 11-Aug-19 01:55:40

It's a sad state of affairs when grandparents can be cut out of the equation . I'm sorry this is happening to you.

agnurse Sun 11-Aug-19 02:42:11

Generally it's accepted that the parents have the right to make decisions regarding their children.

If the parents are divorced, how many pieces do you want to split this child into? If each parent has the child EOW, then if you get one weekend a month, you're taking half the family time that child has with one parent. Even if you get one day a month, that's 25% of the child's family time with one parent. Not to mention, the question becomes, what caused the estrangement in the first place? What if the parents want or need to move out of the area? Are you going to refuse to allow them to do that? What if the parents can't find work?

Not to mention that you have to remember that court isn't cheap. The parents will need to hire an attorney. That could potentially be food out of your GC's mouth, or opportunities they can't have, because you're taking their parents to court.

You need to consider whether an extended court fight is really in the best interests of your GC.

Hithere Sun 11-Aug-19 03:52:46

I agree with agnurse

Plus, in general, by taking your dd or ds to court, all the possibilities of reconciliation are pretty much gone.

Peonyrose Sun 11-Aug-19 06:26:17

Sorry your going through this. I am not estranged and know how much my gc mean to me and I to them. Some parents think of them selves I'm afraid. Unless there is a real problem of the child not being comfortable or safe with grandparents, why deny them this special relationship. Children grow up quickly, I hope they will make their own decisions and decide if they want to get to know them. If my parents had stopped me, I would have tried to find to find them and make up my own mind. You often find this no contact runs in families, it's easier than sorting things out.

Welshwife Sun 11-Aug-19 07:25:52

I do know a family where the GPs went to court and were successful. I know no details of how they did it but I do know they had to agree that the child would not see her father while in their care.
Things have now moved on and the child is now living with her maternal grandmother full time but still sees the paternal GPs every fortnight.

ReadyMeals Sun 11-Aug-19 10:21:10

I think if a child has been used to a grandparent giving them regular day to day care (and the child has been enjoying that time) then the child should have a right to continue that relationship. On the other hand if you're a once-a-month visit for tea and cakes like my on-and-off withheld grandson, then I leave it till the mother feels like talking to me again. So in the end I see him about twice a year to the extent he seems to enjoy seeing me but almost certainly doesn't miss me in between times. I really don't see how anything could be helped by legal intervention. But like I say if you've been a really hands-on grandparent and the child has a bond with you, then they'd probably appreciate having THEIR rights to see YOU protected.

Missiseff Sun 11-Aug-19 10:30:28

So sad for you. That our sons and daughters can hold their children over us is very sad. And twisted. Both mine had a very hands on relationship with my parents, yet my first grandchild already comes with terms and conditions. I've only seen him twice so far. My heart aches. I'm not a bad person, I wouldn't cause him any harm, it's 'just' that my daughter doesn't like me so is punishing me. Because she can. So so painful. I hope your situation improves x

Sheilasue Sun 11-Aug-19 10:39:07

We got a guardianship, which I know is quite a different thing but that took two years.

Solonge Sun 11-Aug-19 10:45:00

Surely one day a month with a grandchild can’t be 25% of the time with one parent. 30 days in a month...could only be 25% if that parent only had four days in total over a month....or are my maths dodgy?

Nannan2 Sun 11-Aug-19 10:51:17

Ive been on other side of this and as a parent all it does is 'set' you against the grandparent as youre angry theyve taken you to court in the first place! Which does NOT make for an amicable conclusion all round- it makes a parent very resentful of the fact theyre 'being forced' to do this- i split from my ex husband some years ago now,but it was not amicable,and he also had his parents( mostly his mum) nagging him to see my son,but we had moved out of area,(only just over an hour away),and they all kicked up such a fuss,trying to get court to make us 'return' when of course court couldnt do that,in end it was arranged i had to let my ex (& his family,presumably)see him 4 times a yr- my son was 4 and is now 16- and as pointed out it also eats into his time to see other members of our family who live in that area,(my older kids& my own gc) but ive trailed my son over there as often as i can (my ex mostly lived with his parents) MORE than 4 times a yr- and we had no transport) and now hes 16 he hates going- he is cordial with them,NOT loving,as my own gc are with me- (he wont let them hug or kiss him,for example) its like its a duty on his part,that he has to fulfil,its none of my doing it is how he feels,over the yrs ive been more ok with them,as i never said my son could not see his grandparents in the first place,my problem was with my ex(their son) if they had 'let the dust settle' then i would have probably begun to make arrangements for him to see them in the first place,instead they all built up resentment at being forced into a situation which my son didnt need nor want.Hes never going to just want to 'pop over' to see them off his own bat,and hes an adult in two years in the eyes of the law.Is that the kind of relationship you want with your GC unhappy1? I doubt it.Let the dust settle,then maybe you can try get in touch gently with the parent,ask how they ALL are,if theyd be prepared to let you have a short visit etc.or you never know,they might come around before then& approach you? But no- one likes to feel they 'have to' do this.Incidentally my ex has now recently moved a couple of hundred miles away and i still took him to see his Grandparents last wk, but no one mentioned how his dad 'shouldnt have' moved so faraway !

agnurse Sun 11-Aug-19 10:51:31

During the week, the child is at school and parent working so there isn't much family time. Usually that takes place on weekends.

MissAdventure Sun 11-Aug-19 10:56:17

The trouble with letting the dust settle is that it is then seen that the grandparents haven't maintained a relationship with the child, and goes against them being able to have access.

Nannan2 Sun 11-Aug-19 10:56:24

I also saw the Gp side- my eldest son fell out with me over something,and i didnt see his kids for about 4mths- i left it alone,he came around in the end.like i said,it works out better not to push it.

Nannan2 Sun 11-Aug-19 11:00:48

But unhappy 1 has already showed interest or ' being maintained' as she already went to court,maybe now she should step back a little,and let the parent/parents have some space,they might want to 'sort out arrangements' in their own way/ time without being made to,like i did.

MissAdventure Sun 11-Aug-19 11:04:37

They may, or they may not though.
Time is of the essence from what I understand, when it comes to the legal side of access.

Depending on the situation, there is no proof to say that she has requested to see her grandchildren, if the parents choose not to mention it.

Margaux Sun 11-Aug-19 11:04:54

agnurse, all the points you make are relevant. But there is also something else to bear in mind. And that is that some grand parents are prepared to sacrifice time, money and effort to keep alive their relationship with a beloved grandchild. And as far as I am concerned - all power to them.

Nannan2 Sun 11-Aug-19 11:05:26

When we did live in nxt town to his dad& gps they didnt come visit that often anyway,even when i was with my ex,then for them to make a huge fuss over what theyre being deprived of is a real joke to be honest!

mammabear Sun 11-Aug-19 11:06:03

From the age of 5 years a court order was granted that my daughters father had to have no contact with her.

I and her paternal grand parents that she would visit them unaccompanied if they ensured he was not there and did not visit during that time. They turned him away from their door so that contact would be maintained. A very hard thing to do.
She and they enjoyed there times together. Think it’s a case of considering that the child is the main person and all parties being as reasonable as possible, not easy.
I think court action upsets and angers everyone and letting the dust settle and restarting contact with your family in tiny steps may be the way forward.
Saying that I know grandparents who had very limited access and grandchild moved to live with them when he was 16.

Nannan2 Sun 11-Aug-19 11:08:13

Maybe if they(grandparents) send a letter or some such then they could photocopy it as 'proof' and send recorded delivery or something.

Margaux Sun 11-Aug-19 11:11:41

Nannan2 You are now a grandmother yourself - and well done you for having a loving relationship with your grand kids. Can't you see how much your son's grandparents cared for him? Your son. Also your ex's son. Their grandson. Are you quite sure that your resentment of your ex and his parents didn't filter through to your son?