I have no doubt that my ex has done nothing to improve comms with my estranged daughters, and has very likely made things worse. My daughters, since my divorce- have been what I would call 'daddy pleasers'. I'm aware this dynamic doesn't help the problem. He is still well off (in contrast, I am an severely underpaid PhD/professor) and my daughters seem to tow his party line at all costs, unsurprisingly given that he gives them an 'unearned' income, cars, expensive equipment, etc. Despite this I had hoped that I could have appealed to his better angels to say something to them, to intervene. I was married to him for 22 years which ended after he physically assaulted me. My one D1 with BPD, also assaulted me twice and earned herself a police record. While she is now married, I don't believe her husband has any idea of her past. I do not and won't share this with my SIL as the news will probably affect their marriage. I like my SIL despite the fact that he says all comms go through my D1, so I don't even have his direct email to reach out to him. I did expel my D1 from my house after she assaulted me several times, last time being 18 years ago. I view our relationship as civil and distant. I theorize that she has reeled in my other D2 and emboldened her to reject me as well. My 4Gkids are all toddlers. I saw them all when they were born, and visited and helped D2 out when she came home from the hospital with her twins. I saw my D12 and 2SIL and all 4 Gkids last Dec 23 at my place where I cooked them all a large Christmas dinner. It was a wonderful occasion. On Dec 24, I went to D2 house where my D2 seemed very upset and stressed, and lashed out verbally at me calling me a 'pathetic mother', not a 'leader' - because I changed a diaper wrong and wasn't paying attention to one of her 3 babies. I don't think that was the reason. I was distraught, stayed for dinner and politely left. I received emails from her the next day saying that I was undeserving of being a grandmother, and that she was cutting me out of her life. I fell into a depression, filled with confusion and needed 4 weeks off work. I consulted an American psychiatrist who told me this was an "act of bullying, of abuse" and that I should cut off all comms with them, not write or reach out to them. I've not been able to do that, as I've been writing them asking them for a' healing conversation'. I've sent them old photos of me with them when they were little, and asked them for their maturity and perspective on this problem. I haven't shared this information with anyone, except for 1 friend who just sobs and breaks down when I tell her what's happened. I don't want to burden her anymore. I don't trust anyone any more to help me. It's almost come to that.