Hello all,
Thanks for taking the time to read the following.
DB lives in country D has got a family – wife is housewife. I live in country A and DB wants to move to country A.
Parents have disliked DB wife from the start and viceversa she has never stood them up. DB has had endless psychological battles in this respect with both sides. DB has got own business and when not in the right mood profits go drastically downwards into losses. DB and wife and kids and my parents are constantly argumentative to each other – this is how they function. I cannot stand arguments and am put in difficult position when they occur in my presence when visiting them.
DB has got a chronic health issue and has been thinking that country A might give him better chances at treating this issue than country D. Literature suggests that life expectancy for such condition if managed is normal. DB worried that country D might have a lack of medicine supplies at some point or that condition might deteriorate and complains that will die soon and unexpectedly.
DB has expected I find a lawyer or if not a lawyer arrange DB a job in country A. DB profession is different from mine. I have 2 DC and a full-time job. I have been giving DB direction and finding job adverts and suggestions on life in country A. DB has not deemed this enough with the excuse that DB is in no position to remove focus away from his business as otherwise his whole family will perish financially so has claimed that it is impossible for him to look for a job himself due to a lack of time. DB acknowledges I might have a high housework load with two young DC and has suggested that I could hire a babysitter and a cleaner to help me with them. Also expects me to find time while at work to settle all the right legal routes for him and family and have them moved to country A.
After expecting these things for a number of years, when I visited recently he told me in a very bitter and envious deprecating way how so-and-so that we knew had moved to country A with little effort due to wife making way for the so-and-so and how thousands of others in country D had managed to find a route for their cousins and even friends and how we in our family were so ungrateful and did not help each-other. From that moment on, our relationship has taken downwards, as I did not feel responsible to move his family plus when warning them about financial implications they look deaf. In addition to this, the move can only happen if they sustain themselves financially, therefore by finding a job, but he has not got time to look for a job or to look to links on suitable jobs I had sent him. And DB is somehow convinced that by hiring a lawyer things might be magically easier? And anyway I have sent them links to lawyer contacts anyway but apparently they expect me to deal with the lawyer as well so have made no moves into this respect.
My point is I do not believe they want me to hand them out all expenses, just the way they are they are constantly finding fault in the way I treat them. And they do not believe me when I tell them that he only way to move is for one of them to find a job beforehands.
Then, a few months ago some flooding happened which destroyed DB rented offices, so caused him to deal with situation, remove belongings and transfer somewhere else losing several months work and also investment done in previous offices. DB has been desperate and felt very much more vulnerable from that moment and cut off communication with me – and I suppose thinking that I am selfishly enjoying my life in country A while he is bearing all this suffering of the flooding and the move and of the uncertainty that medical supplies might end up in country D.
DB has also limited communication with our parents (also living in country D), as per his nature (does not talk much generally) and trying to conserve all energies for work (he has his own business).
My concern is that DB might become depressive also, he is not thinking right as claiming things that go beyond normal boundaries (such as the previously explained situation). Would very much like for him to open up and understand others perspective as well. DB is very well respected to whoever knows him that is not family – but then very bitter with family members. DB wife has found her ways to cope with him not pointing out anything that might be going beyond boundaries in relationship with other people. She does this to appease him in the short-term and to avoid arguments in the short-term, also she lacks in sympathy for DB side of the family so if people involved or DB side all the more she appeases whatever he says and fuels that.
Also DB has had 2-3 cases of panic attacks in previous years that I know of (as he is very sensitive) and is father of 2 DC that I love very much and who love to meet my 2 DC as well.
Not sure how to carry on as DB now does not answer my calls/messages. I plan to visit my parents in country D at some point during the summer and have one of the DC’s birthday celebrated as well – but with the DB not talking at all, this seems a tense time and is putting me off. DB has told my parents that I should reflect on whatever I have done wrong towards him (he pretends I deceived him in believing that I would provide all legal routes for them to move providing a false sense of stability to them).
Thanks for any opinions on this.
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