I haven't seen my Dad since 2000, twenty one long years. I'm now 64, he's just had his 89th birthday. He last saw my son when he was two, he's never met my twenty five year old daughter.
In 2010 I saw my Dad for the first time in ten years at my Uncle's funeral, and he said he'd be in touch. I waited and waited and months later my aunt, who still sees all of them, told me my Dad had given her a lift home. She asked if he'd contacted me and he said he 'wasn't going to bother' as it had been so long.
I did visit my aunt in 2013 and wrote to my Dad asking if he'd like to meet for lunch, he ignored my letter.
When my husband died in 2016, he did send me a sympathy card, and started to send birthday and Christmas cards with a short letter. He made references to the 'huge' widow's pension I'd be receiving from my husband's company. Unfortunately not huge enough to maintain my house and the bills, I had to sell my house.
When I put my house on the market in 2018 he took an interest, and we corresponded a few times. In 2019 he moved into rented accommodation (he hadn't told me) and then bought the house next door to my brother and SIL, apparently she is now his 'cleaner' and I assume main carer. He didn't send me his new address, I had to ask my aunt for it. Knowing that my SIL will be in his house, and probably looking at everything, I didn't write any news in his 2019 Christmas card.
I didn't get a birthday card in April 2020, but did get a card Christmas 2020 sent via my aunt. I moved this March 2021, and know my aunt had given him my address but I didn't get a birthday card in April. I did send him a card on his 89th birthday this August.
It took me years to realise my Dad behaves like this because he has never loved me, and I'm sad he doesn't, but his parents were not loving either and he had a terrible childhood. When they went away on holiday, they put him in an orphanage for weeks on end. Now I've finally done the family tree he had eight aunts and uncles, completely absent from his childhood.
I know my brother and SIL will now be heavily involved in his life, and I cannot trust either of them. When my Mum was having her 12 hour 5% chance of success operation, they withdrew cash from her account, I found it in her bedroom. When I challenged them it was 'to cover her bills in case she died'.
I wonder if they are monitoring his post as they know my writing. I also wonder if anything he asks them to post to me is opened and destroyed.
I am wondering this because I've just received a letter out of the blue from my Dad asking why I persist in this 'Coventry' silence. He wants to see photos of the new bungalow and what I've done so far, which is nothing as I haven't managed to get any decorators in yet. He ends by saying 'it is up to you if you reply, I am hoping that asking for one letter a year is not asking too much'.
I don't want my brother and SIL to know my business, should I just write a general round robin type letter in reply?
Shandy57 Thu 16-Sep-21 23:38:57
CafeAuLait Thu 16-Sep-21 23:50:32
Shandy57 Fri 17-Sep-21 00:02:29
VioletSky Fri 17-Sep-21 00:06:50
Shandy57 Fri 17-Sep-21 00:32:54
CafeAuLait Fri 17-Sep-21 00:33:34
EilaRose Fri 17-Sep-21 01:01:14
welbeck Fri 17-Sep-21 02:24:29
nanna8 Fri 17-Sep-21 02:36:44
Chewbacca Fri 17-Sep-21 04:28:46
BlueBelle Fri 17-Sep-21 04:56:59
Whatdayisit Fri 17-Sep-21 06:41:45
Smileless2012 Fri 17-Sep-21 09:04:23
Hetty58 Fri 17-Sep-21 09:14:35
Polarbear2 Fri 17-Sep-21 09:28:38
Hetty58 Fri 17-Sep-21 09:29:08
Whatdayisit Fri 17-Sep-21 09:36:20
Baggs Fri 17-Sep-21 09:51:13
Whatdayisit Fri 17-Sep-21 09:58:54
glammanana Fri 17-Sep-21 10:10:11
Newatthis Fri 17-Sep-21 10:34:55
DiscoDancer1975 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:42:44
PinkCosmos Fri 17-Sep-21 10:54:43
Audi10 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:56:56
MayBeMaw Fri 17-Sep-21 12:12:31