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Estrangement

Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

(652 Posts)

GNHQ have commented on this thread. Read here.

Whiff Wed 03-Aug-22 18:58:20

Setting this up now as posts are coming thick and fast .

Chewbacca Wed 03-Aug-22 19:07:35

Thinking ahead Whiff, thank you!

VioletSky Wed 03-Aug-22 19:18:03

Well done Whiff

Whiff Wed 03-Aug-22 19:20:15

Would hate to lose it as it means so much to us all.

Smileless2012 Wed 03-Aug-22 19:22:41

No chance of that Whiffsmile.

VioletSky Wed 03-Aug-22 19:27:41

No one will let that happen Whiff

You have done a good job with the support thread

Bridie22 Wed 03-Aug-22 21:46:01

Thanks Whiff🌼

Namsnanny Wed 03-Aug-22 22:05:51

Thank you Whiff

hugshelp Thu 04-Aug-22 04:25:06

thanks whiff

Allsorts Thu 04-Aug-22 07:31:18

Morning everyone, good you were wearing trousers Whiff and didn't show your bloomers. 😐
Busy day ahead, however having had a good six hours sleep, rare for me, amazing how I'm raring to go. Trying to gradually get rid of my clutter, it's ridiculous the things I bought, hardly used, Kenwood, mint condition, bomber jacket unworn, what was I thinking of. Evening dresses that I was going to slim into to for a cruise that didn't happen. I don't do selling on line as I don't want the hastle, it all goes to charity shops.So slinky in getting ready to move, don't know where, if I did it would help, no ties here now.
Hope all of you are well and have a good day.

DiamondLily Thu 04-Aug-22 07:37:14

Morning all. Lousy nights sleep, too humid, I'm feeling bug eyed and shattered, and got to sit in all day waiting for some sofas - which will no doubt be another palaver.🙄

I'm so weary of this constant humidity down in the South.

Still, as Scarlett O'Hara said: "Tomorrow is another day".

Just got to get through this one without grabbing anyone around the neck lol 😉

All have a nice day. 🙂

Mandrake Thu 04-Aug-22 08:01:46

Hi there, I'm interested in anyone's thoughts on a situation I'm in. Don't want to post it here - so if anyone is willing to give me some thoughts, please send me a PM and I'll respond there.

Smileless2012 Thu 04-Aug-22 09:17:06

H Mandrake, I've pm'd you.

That's a good point Allsorts, I hadn't thought of that grin.

6 hours sleep, don't think I could manage on that as it's usually 8 for me. I found that when we were moving, coming across things never used or worn and wondering why on earth I bought them in the first place.

It was a better night for sleeping here last night DL. It's horrible when you can't so I hope you have a better night tonight.

I get those 'neck grabbing days' and luckily so far have always managed to restrain myselfgrin.

DiamondLily Thu 04-Aug-22 09:21:41

It's been ok so far. I read about a radio station called Boom radio - it's a station of old music for "Boomers".

So, we put it on Alexa, and it's quite good, if you like records from that era (50's to 90's).

Am listening to records of my misspent yoof lol 😉

Smileless2012 Thu 04-Aug-22 09:26:52

I didn't have a "misspent yoof"envy. Met Mr. S. when I was 16, married at 19 and the mother of two by the time I was 23!!!

glammanana Thu 04-Aug-22 09:34:17

DiamondLily

It's been ok so far. I read about a radio station called Boom radio - it's a station of old music for "Boomers".

So, we put it on Alexa, and it's quite good, if you like records from that era (50's to 90's).

Am listening to records of my misspent yoof lol 😉

I always listen to "Boom" radio I know all the words to all the music they play.

Chewbacca Thu 04-Aug-22 09:36:41

It's funny how just hearing a song from our yoof can immediately transport you back to a time, place, what you were wearing, and the people you were with isn't it? Rock on Gary Puckett and the Union Gap! grin

DiamondLily Thu 04-Aug-22 09:40:24

Yes, they played Young Girl this morning. When I was at senior school, they made us translate something (anything) into French.

I did that song, and still remembered some of it, so sung some in French - my DH gazed at me with astonishment, at the random stuff I remember lol 😄

VioletSky Thu 04-Aug-22 09:43:02

Its been 6 years since I estranged.

6 years since I started my journey of recovery from 40 years of abuse. 6 years since I first took a break from my mother and then fully estranged after seeking help. 6 years since she drove me to a breakdown and all I could think about was ending my own life for good.

There have been quite a lot of road bumps along the way. It took 2 years for the phone calls to stop, the voicemails telling me "Answer the phone now". The time my son answered the phone and got shouted at because his way of saying hello sounded like me. 6 years of blocking new profiles and emails which still haven't stopped.

I have made a lot of progress in 6 years.

I've been to see a therapist and a counsellor. I came off anti depressants for good for the first time as an adult. I pushed through my anxiety, went back into education and landed my dream job.

I put a lot of work into understanding my mother and why she is the way she is and how it had impacted me so I can heal.

And I keep a close eye on that healing. I would never want to pass any of her behaviour down to my children or my expected grandchildren.

I am passionate about protecting children and I am passionate about children not having to face what I did growing up.

I also want to help and support others who need it who had a childhood like mine.

That can be quite difficult because there are those who invalidate abuse survivors, tell them it can't have been that bad, or they weren't abused or they would never estrange their own difficult parent or that EAC like me should just get over it and move on. I will never understand why anyone would do this. Or why they would choose to spend their time this way.

Just move on... I wish it were that simple, but everyone heals at their own pace in their own time and trying to force that may to more harm than good.

Eventually people like me do get to the stage where we can just talk about it without harming ourselves. Its dangerous and dismissive to assume that because we talk about our stories we still èxist in them...

I will take anything good that comes out of my childhood. For me that is helping others and holding space for abused adult children until they have a safe space to talk about it.

I know I can't make everyone understand the harm a childhood like mine does and the importance of healing from it but I have to try.

Chewbacca Thu 04-Aug-22 09:45:55

Really DiamondLily? I haven't heard that in years! A blast from the past! grin

DiamondLily Thu 04-Aug-22 09:48:23

Smileless2012

I didn't have a "misspent yoof"envy. Met Mr. S. when I was 16, married at 19 and the mother of two by the time I was 23!!!

I got married, the first time, at 18 - perhaps I just started my misspent yoof earlier...😷🤐

DiamondLily Thu 04-Aug-22 09:49:13

Chewbacca

Really DiamondLily? I haven't heard that in years! A blast from the past! grin

It's a good radio station for those of a certain age. 👍

VioletSky Thu 04-Aug-22 10:08:12

I know there are a few people who seem to be detracting from the topics of all the Estrangement threads lately mandrake and making it quite difficult for anyone to have a discussion or feel comfortable seeking support.

I have PMed you, I dont know if my thoughts will be any good but I can listen

Granniesunite Thu 04-Aug-22 10:29:19

Thanks whiff for this new thread. Such a comfort to know that others will listen. All our estrangements are different but the pain and confusion are the same experiences for us.

Over the years we have got to “know” each other’s story and have built a friendship online based on our experiences and empathy with each other. I’m very grateful that even though I don’t post as much as I’d like I always feel listened to here.

Mandrake you’ll get sound advice I hope it helps.

Talking of radio stations my husband has alzhimers and we listen to a station online called music4d It’s brilliant all the old songs.

Have a good day .

Smileless2012 Thu 04-Aug-22 11:09:59

Nice to see you hear Granniesunitesmile.

10 CC does it for me every time. Isn't it funny how you can hear a song you haven't heard for years and yet you can remember all the words!!

So exactly how old were you when you started your misspent youth DL?grin.