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(19 Posts)
OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Sep-22 17:15:00

Apparently my son is MAD with me because I signed the section forms when he was extremely mentally ill.

He says I MADE him go to hospital. He's giving me powers I don't possess. I don't have the ability to section anyone, but I did sign the papers after two Dr's assessed him as needing to be sectioned. What else could I have done? I cannot ever repair this. If your child is a danger to themselves and others what else would you do?

Unfortunately I let him come back many times even when he was abusive and it's continued to the point that I realise I have to go NC from him, not the other way round. Very sad, but I can't fix it and the hatred is so abusive.

I will always be hated for this. But maybe if it wasn't this it would be something else.

basicallygrace12 Wed 28-Sep-22 17:34:13

sending hugs.
It is so hard with MH. one of my sons is currently not talking to me, he blames me for everything, for taking overdoses, for surviving them, for not getting him the right treatment for his MH, for getting him treatment.
I can't win. In some ways its a relief for him to be blocking me, it means i don't get attacked daily and hourly, verbally, but left me feeling like i had been physically beaten. But then he suddenly turns up at my door, from 200 miles away, and acts like nothing has happened (this was last week), now back to blocking me again!
I think its probably the MH talking not my son, as probably it is with your son. But we have to protect our own health, I know i have had a breakdown in the past dealing with him and that is why i now live 200 miles away.
Take some time for self care, you know you love your son but sometimes it can be very hard to like them. Let the professionals step in.

basicallygrace12 Wed 28-Sep-22 17:34:44

ps. thats him taking overdoses not me

OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Sep-22 18:01:31

So sorry Basicallygrace12 that's so difficult. It's gone on for more than a decade and the abuse has worn me down. I too had a breakdown dealing with him, so I empathise.

You are so fortunate to live 200 miles away. We cannot move because of work, but I think my son is on the move. He is not under mental health anymore having convinced them he's fine (he's not!) so there is no support.

He is sending me vicious text messages and voice messages , which I am not replying to (and I have not been able to bring myself to listen to the voice messages)

I am trying to decide how to proceed. I may block him, but maybe I'll just not actually read or listen.

Wyllow3 Wed 28-Sep-22 18:10:30

What advice have you had if any from HIS MH people as to how to best handle it?
IME it's probably only you can really decide as to whether to go for low or no contact, and how those pan out, but it's worth asking.

One significant problem is that resources in MH are so very slim atm that they often don't get enough time to get to really know a service user who is not co-operative - and therefore advise - but can be worth a try. One thing they may do is refer you to a MH Carers' group which may or may not be right for you.

OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Sep-22 18:20:32

None as he was an adult and they didn't inform me and he lived away from home (and in another country) for many years. He has only recently got very abusive towards me and I am guessing it's because of him having personal problems but I don't know. I haven't lived with him for a few years now.

I'm not his carer, he has a partner. I am thankful that I don't live with that level of aggression and hostility. I feel sorry for her, but am not in contact with him as it triggers his rage even more.

OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Sep-22 18:23:30

The section happened many years ago, but it's something he always brings up and abuses me over when he feels like it.

I have tried explaining that I alone cannot section anyone and that three separate Dr's discussed this course and asked me to sign the papers. I genuinely believed I was helping him, but if I'd known he would hate me forever I don't know what else I could have done at that time.

Wyllow3 Wed 28-Sep-22 18:39:44

I can only imagine the consequences had you not signed tho I don't know the circumstances.
He still might have found a reason to blame you. Hobson's choice.
So sorry.
It doesn't go that way always - I have an acquaintance who was sectioned and at the time blamed everyone under the sun but does not now.

How could you have known?

Iam64 Wed 28-Sep-22 19:37:00

I empathise OnwardandUpward. Abuse from adult children is awful

Madgran77 Wed 28-Sep-22 19:38:41

Onward and Upward If it hadn't been the sectioning it would have been something else from what you describe. So sorry that you are dealing with this flowers

OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Sep-22 22:05:37

@Wyllow thanks, he was a danger to himself and others at the time and he had taken an overdose and almost died already at that point. He was very ill. Afterwards he seemed brighter and seemed to have a better life so we had no idea that he was angry at that time.

Iam64 yes it's the worst, giving birth and loving a creature that abuses you. Im so sorry you know this too.

@Madgran77 yes I expect so. I am not taking it personally as he is ranting a lot. He sent me many voice messages and my husband thinks he sounds manic. He told my husband horrible things as well. The thing is, he insists he is wonderfully happy but we suspect he is not as he always has "acted out" his rage on us when things are less than ideal in his personal life. This time we are taking a step back and saying nothing for a few days at least, to try and give him a chance for the truth to dawn.

Wyllow3 Wed 28-Sep-22 22:48:35


OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Sep-22 23:20:22

Thanks Wyllow3.

At the moment Im fantasising about never seeing him again. I probably dont mean it, but he shut us out of our grandkids birthday to be spiteful. And then has been sending abuse ever since.

Mandrake Wed 28-Sep-22 23:25:38

You did the right thing. I hope that, one day, he is able to see that and appreciate that you did the hard but right thing for him.

OnwardandUpward Thu 29-Sep-22 00:27:01

Thanks Mandrake

MarinaL Thu 29-Sep-22 01:17:53

Have no real experience of this Onward &Upward but wanted to say how sorry I am that you are having to suffer like this. Hope things improve for you in time.

Redhead56 Thu 29-Sep-22 01:21:06

From me to you ?

poshpaws Thu 29-Sep-22 02:21:48

Hi OnwardandUpward

I felt I wanted to put in my tuppenceworth because reading all you've said, especially "recently got very abusive towards me" is scaring me a wee bit for you. He sounds as though he's still very ill however much he managed to persuade his mental Health Team that he's better.

Please be really careful. Maybe don't allow him inside your home unless at least your husband is there, in case the anger spills over from words into action.

OnwardandUpward Thu 29-Sep-22 08:20:41

Thankyou Marina L, Redhead36 and Poshpaws, much appreciated. I don't know why this keeps coming up.

It's over a year since he last mentioned it and he was fine for a while, but then when things started to go wrong in his personal life he has started to take it out on me. I had been hoping I could look after GC for a few hours a day, but when it became clear this would not happen I got a job.

He IS very angry with me because I got a job and won't let him control my time. I think he is very disturbed. He won't let me spend time with GC , it seems like he gets jealous of that. Even on GC's birthday when I wasn't allowed to even speak on the phone, he was ranting at me, trying to get MY attention. It's like he wants everything to be about him.